Are We Facing An Uptick In Requests For Couples Therapy?
In recent months we have experienced an unprecedented reality. If we direct attention from the macro to the micro, there has been a very clear impact both at the level of society, through our social, family and couple fabric, until ending up with us as individual beings.
The vast majority of people have heard messages about how we are going to see an uptick in solidarity at the social level, we are going to value and care for family and social relationships in a different way by having given them the authentic value they had for having missed them, that we are to reorder individual priorities and live more meaningful lives or that we will encounter an uptick in separations and divorces around the corner
There would be a lot to reflect on all these plans, and there is no doubt that the studies that will appear in the coming months and years will shed a lot of light on the matter. But let’s stop at the couple.
Confinement has meant a great change and therefore, a great adaptation exercise in a global context that has already functioned as a stressor We could say that there have been as many experiences of confinement and the COVID-19 crisis as there are people and circumstances.
But the impossibility of seeing each other physically without having chosen it for non-cohabiting couples, having to live 24 hours a day, 7 days a week together in the same space Without the possibility of going out for those cohabiting couples who teleworked or have not had to go out of the house to work, or the challenge of managing parenting within 4 walls of couples with sons or daughters in their care, we have no doubt that has left an important mark.
We cannot affirm (we do not have data to do so) that the couples have emerged weakened or strengthened (this will most likely depend on each couple, their previous bond, their adaptation potential and the circumstances in which they have experienced confinement and de-escalation). But we can affirm that In the private clinic we are already noticing a notable increase in requests for Couples Therapy
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We know that there are couples who have a more effective relational glue than others, that is, their union is stronger. Those couples who have better communication and conflict resolution skills, couples who have a common project and connect in their bond with the feeling of a team, or couples who share values and place them in similar orders which does not break their feeling. priority, they have a lot of cattle.
Those couples who, having better glue, had a stronger bond have probably noticed a greater sense of relational cushioning. That is Even if they did not add more to the couple or if the situation led them to subtract from their bond, they would have noticed much less erosion
Adaptation potential
But you can’t live on income alone. Even those couples with better glue and therefore better relational cushioning, under sufficient conditions of wear and erosion, can see their bond damaged. Therefore, It is important to take into account the potential for adaptation and flexibility
In the biographical journeys of a couple, it is common to encounter adaptation challenges: moves, job changes, birth of children, illness in families of origin… and for the adjustment experience of all of them, the ability to adapt to the new demands, needs and coordination of roles is essential.
It is common to find ourselves in consultation with people who, faced with these types of circumstances, fall into the trap of wanting to go back to what was before That is, they rigidly resort to the coping and management formula that had worked for them in other times, something that under new circumstances will most likely not work.
What does this have to do with the uptick in requests for Couples Therapy?
We know that Couples therapists have very diverse roles depending on which couple and at what point in their relationship we have in consultation We can be mere companions in the decision-making processes of couples who, although it is difficult for them to accept it, no longer want to stay together, we can be recoverers of critical states when we work with couples who come to the process as a last resort or we can be trainers of bonds that already exist. They do enjoy reasonable health.
After what we experienced as a result of the COVID-19 crisis, it seems that this summer could be key for many couples After weeks and months of having worn out the pre-existing buffers and having tested the effectiveness of their relational glue and their potential for adaptation, we somehow return to a somewhat less demanding situation in which to stop “surviving” and be able to return to the path of construction.
Of course, we can only encourage couples therapy to be valued as a strategy for strengthening and investing in increasing the strength of ties, rather than as a last resort before separating. I’m sure no couples therapist will disagree that the work that can be done when we can coach reasonably healthy attachments is much more powerful than the work that can be done when we have a critical attachment!
But above all, what we encourage you to do is to invest in increasing shock absorbers. Not only because it is a way to strengthen and increase the effectiveness of relational glue, but because it is the clear way to enjoy more satisfying and pleasant relationships.
So ingredients such as mutual care, shared humor, quality time, search for shared codes, affection, emotional communication, eroticism… can be great allies to strengthen couple relationships this summer after de-escalation.
