Are You Right To Be ‘contact 0’ To Get Over A Breakup?
It is likely that, at some point in your life, you have experienced a romantic breakup. If this is not your case, perhaps you have accompanied someone who was going through that difficult time. Do you remember the intensity of that moment? Currently one of the most common recommendations after a breakup is zero contact. But does this strategy really work?
Throughout this article we will see what the concept “zero contact” refers to, which has gained so much popularity in recent times. In addition, we will delve into this to see if it really has a reason when we talk about a breakup. Finally, we will see alternatives for cases in which it is not possible to maintain this dynamic.
After a breakup, especially between a couple, it is relatively easy for some people to consider the possibility of resuming the relationship. This is part of the relational grieving process and is a way in which our brain tries to distance us from the pain we feel in those moments.
Maintaining contact with the ex-partner and maintaining certain types of dynamics can interfere with the separation. Furthermore, it can cause people to rethink the breakup and, in some cases, complex and even dysfunctional dynamics are established. For this reason, most psychologists specialized in relationships advise it.
Thus, zero contact implies the cessation of communication and interaction of any kind with the other person. This means not seeing their social networks, not having face-to-face meetings, not writing messages, not talking about that person with others in the environment, etc. It is advisable not to maintain any type of contact for at least the first few months.
This concept is mainly used when talking about breakups in relationships. However, it could apply to any other type of breaking of ties that are significant or that have had some importance for us at some point in our lives. Especially when these relationships have involved considerable wear and tear.
Is there a reason to be “contact 0” to get over a breakup?
Although it is a recommendation that is increasingly given more frequently, we cannot say that it is free of controversy. It would be really interesting if people invested some time in informing themselves about how to carry out zero contact, what its benefits are and the possible difficulties they may encounter.
Once they have this information, they will be able to make the most appropriate decision for their specific situation. Since we have already briefly touched on some of the implications and basics to consider, we explore the potential benefits and challenges below.
Benefits of zero contact
The first great benefit of cutting off all types of contact after a breakup is being able to put the focus back on yourself. This allows you to focus on going through your own grieving process and taking care of yourself to heal. In addition, avoiding certain stimuli (networks, messages, etc.) will help reduce intrusive thoughts and the discomfort they generate.
Over time, it is more likely that there will be a greater perception of control and it will be easier for the person to reaffirm their decision. Along these lines, zero contact helps to get out of the relational dynamics that were being harmful and, in this way, feel more aligned with one’s own needs. All this contributes to improving self-esteem.
One of the main difficulties we encounter when establishing zero contact after the breakup is the great emotional discomfort we feel. This can make it really difficult and painful to establish and maintain. In this sense, it is important to be able to rely on the environment and, if necessary, seek professional help.
On the other hand, some people consider that zero contact may be related to the avoidance of certain conflicts and the failure to resolve or confront them. Furthermore, we cannot lose sight of the fact that zero contact is intended to give space to the grieving process and, in no case, should it be used as a strategy to make the other person suffer and come back.
What if we can’t maintain zero contact?
We cannot forget or ignore that it will not be possible to stop having any type of communication with the ex-partner (or whoever it is) in all situations, even if we wish to do so. For example, one of the cases in which, in fact, the establishment of zero contact is discouraged is when there are children in common.
In these cases in which communication must be maintained, for whatever reasons, it is important to limit it as much as possible. As far as possible, we will try to talk only and exclusively about the aspect that people have in common. Additionally, it would be ideal to be able to establish guidelines and certain limits regarding communication.
We are aware of how difficult, complex and exhausting this situation can be on an emotional and mental level. All this stress can also manifest itself with physical symptoms. Therefore, we want to remind you that, if you feel that this situation is beyond you, you can ask for help from specialized professionals who will accompany you based on your needs.
