Are You Very Demanding Of Yourself? 7 Keys To Managing Self-criticism
If you believe that the greatest demands and the toughest evaluations come from yourself, This post can help you deal with self-criticism
Many times it seems that the worst enemy is within ourselves. Instead of encouraging ourselves on the path to our goals and learning from our mistakes, we waste time demanding perfection from ourselves and negatively criticizing ourselves. These habits harm our performance and the personal image we have of ourselves.
You may be interested in: “Perfectionistic personality: the disadvantages of perfectionism”
What do we mean by self-criticism and why is it harmful?
The self-criticism usually a type of pathological criticism, that is, it is a negative assessment that a person makes of themselves or her actions and that does not help her to give her best. It is often called pathological criticism since it escapes the person’s control and ends up damaging their performance and self-esteem.
Self-criticism usually takes the form of negative comments, which focus on mistakes made or goals not achieved. And above all, it is criticism that is not constructive because it does not guide us how to use our strengths to improve our weaknesses.
The negative voice that reminds us of what we do wrong
In other words, Self-criticism is that negative voice that highlights our failures or our lack of perfection It tells us what is going wrong, compares us with others, with their achievements and abilities, and sets impossible standards of perfection. Therefore, it is necessary to know how to deal with self-criticism in an objective and adaptive way.
Facing self-criticism is a task that is usually difficult, since we are the ones who are giving ourselves these messages, and we have given our thoughts great power. Since it is our voice that makes these criticisms to us, it is difficult to ignore it and move forward on the path towards our goals.
Below I explain some of the keys to managing self-criticism and taking advantage of it, avoiding being too demanding of ourselves. You are ready?
1. Know yourself to tame your inner voice
The first step to dealing with self-criticism appropriately is know her. you have to analyze What specific topics your criticisms are about and what thoughts are associated with them It is about identifying what messages you give yourself, in what situation, what you feel and what you think. You can keep a written record so that you can later analyze your criticisms of yourself in detail and calmly, when you have a moment.
2. Discover the emotions that your critical voice brings out in you
Once you have identified what form your self-criticism has, and what emotions and thoughts are associated with it; you have to unmask the purpose of these criticisms. What are your emotions trying to show you? What fear is driving these criticisms? Knowing what is behind self-criticism will make it easier for you to attack the source of it.
3. Motivation or concern?
Everything we do or think has a function, even if it is not obvious, there is always a reason for what we do and think. The human being is an animal that guides his behavior towards goals, therefore, it is important that you identify the function of self-criticism. For example, it may be about using self-criticism to motivate yourself; for example, by pushing yourself to perform more and better. What happens is that many times Self-criticism and personal demands end up being the center of our attention and we lose sight of the goal we were pursuing
We only care about doing better and achieving perfection; This generates levels of stress and anxiety that end up harming our performance Therefore, we criticize ourselves and demand ourselves to do better, and we end up harming our performance with the demands. If in your case, you believe that self-criticism seeks to motivate you, you can implement strategies to motivate yourself in a positive way and thus reduce your level of demand.
We only care about doing better and achieving perfection; This generates levels of stress and anxiety that end up harming our performance Therefore, we criticize ourselves and demand ourselves to do better, and we end up harming our performance with the demands. If in your case, you believe that self-criticism seeks to motivate you, you can implement strategies to motivate yourself in a positive way and thus reduce your level of demand.
5. Mentalize yourself for failure: a double-edged sword
On the other hand, self-criticism can give the false perception of preparing ourselves for possible failure. If we believe that we are not doing well and we give ourselves this message, it would seem that if we fail we already expected it. This is an illusion. If we fail it will affect us even more, because Self-criticism prolongs the time we are receiving negative messages and these end up being validated by our experience
6. Solution: relativize and question your thoughts
To be able to deal with self-criticism effectively It is necessary that we manage to distance ourselves from our thoughts and understand them as mental contents, and not, as absolute truths. Distancing yourself from thoughts is a capacity that is achieved through practice and modification of certain mental habits. You can practice distancing yourself from your thoughts and observing them as contents of your mind if you set out to acquire the habit of questioning why you think something and what evidence you have to be sure or doubt what you think. It can also be useful to observe your thoughts as messages that your mind gives you and as you have them, you let them go, without doing anything with them.
7. Solution: Are you reproducing other people’s fears and insecurities?
Another way to deal with self-criticism is to analyze whether we have copied this pattern of behavior from people we had or have in our environment. This is extremely important in order to take control of our mind. To do this, you can ask yourself: Have I copied this way of criticizing myself from someone? Is it a result of my personal will or have I learned that it is the best way to improve my performance? Do I really want to be this way?
Conquer your fears and pursue your dreams
You have to be aware that all the information you find about yourself, the fears that guide your demands and your self-criticism, has to help you act differently.
Distancing yourself from your thoughts and evaluating the function of the criticisms you make of yourself should guide you to attack the source of your fears. Facing self-criticism implies a modification of our habits, therefore, we need time to put into practice a different way of facing ourselves. If you follow these steps, You will be closer to overcoming these insecurities and being able to successfully face the challenges you set for yourself
