Assertiveness: 5 Basic Habits To Improve Communication
Who hasn’t heard of assertiveness? This term has been used a lot lately, but do you really know what it is?
Communication can be passive, aggressive or assertive, an intermediate point that constitutes one of the keys to success in life. Let’s see, then, what the assertive communication style consists of and how we can apply it to our relationships with others.
A few days ago I was sitting on the terrace of a bar eating quietly until the behavior of the manager bothered me; She aggressively addressed a waitress, and It wasn’t just what he said but how he said it
At that moment, I remembered the girl’s blushing face and how in a hurry she was after that downpour, especially in public. Inevitably I remembered situations in which I have been treated the same and something has been communicated to me aggressively.
I realized that when I remembered it, what made me feel the worst was having communicated passively, that is, allowing different people in different areas of my life to violate me with their way of speaking to me.
However, My communication style changed when I learned to be assertive For this reason I want to talk to you about assertive communication, which offers many advantages.
Assertiveness involves being able to express our thoughts, feelings, emotions and decisions in a firm way, respecting ourselves and others When we are assertive, we maintain a balance between attention to our own interests, on the one hand, and attention to our interests, on the other.
Therefore, if we are assertive we do not allow others to decide for us and overlook our ideas, contributions and values. By doing this we are communicating passively. We can also, on the contrary, impose our ideas without taking anyone into account; This is what is known as aggressive communication.
However, in communication, not only what is said is important, but the way of saying things is just as important or more so.
Ways to improve communication by being assertive
Learning assertive communication techniques, that is, that allow you to respect yourself and others, is essential to achieve your goals or objectives and to feel good with yourself and with others
Below I propose some techniques to help you develop or improve your assertive communication. They are simple habits with which, little by little, we will notice that our interactions flow like they have never done before.
1. Understand that no one can read your mind
Maybe you think that your partner knows that you want to go to the movies to see a premiere, that your family and friends know how much it bothers you when they show up at your house unannounced, or that your boss knows that you want a promotion.
Probably on many occasions you get angry and frustrated when you see that you are not pleased or respected, and these emotions cause you to communicate aggressively or, on the contrary, passively, opting for an attitude and a communication style that ends damaging you and your relationship with others
If you want people to take into account your wants and needs, say what they are, expressing yourself in a way that others do not feel attacked or offended
2. Identify what you want and seek to get it
Start by identifying your own needs, desires, goals or objectives. Don’t expect anyone to identify them, much less satisfy them, for you.
Find a way to get what you want without harming others, and if you need help ask for it openly
3. Use “I” phrases
If you use first person phrases you reaffirm your ideas, opinions, emotions, desires and rights. Plus, you’ll let others know what you think without sounding like an accusation.
For example, it is generally more appropriate and respectful to say “I disagree” than “You are wrong.”
4. Learn to listen
Communicating assertively means knowing listen correctly and actively This is only possible with an open attitude towards the message that the other person transmits to us.
Remember: others have the right to think and feel differently than you do.
5. Learn to say “no”
Learn to be aware of your right to say “no” without feeling guilty or forced to explain and excuses. In the same way, others also have the right to say “no” to you.
6. Assume that you should not apologize for giving refusals
Unless you have committed to doing something or have accepted a set of rules of behavior by living in a given society, the default option you offer to others’ requests is “no”; Only if you decide to do your part by collaborating does that refusal become a “yes.” Therefore, assume that it is not your place to feel guilty for saying no, since it is what is taken for granted a priori.
You will surely be increasingly motivated to communicate assertively as you experience the following benefits:
In conclusion
This article would probably be of great help to the manager I told you about at the beginning of the article, and not only to acquire the ability to communicate assertively.
Through this valuable tool for life we indirectly acquire leadership and teamwork skills, empathy self-esteem and, ultimately, emotional well-being.
