In our latitudes autumn is beginning. The days are getting shorter, the temperatures are starting to drop and the light is including a certain darkness not present during the summer. From gold to copper tones. Likewise, even in cities so disconnected from the countryside, it smells different. There is a little more humidity that, together with the rest of the changes that are taking place, makes us experience a substantially different olfactory landscape.
Those of us who live in this environment are impacted by these changes. The organization of our lives is marked by them School and professional courses begin, we change our eating and leisure habits, to mention just some of the most obvious aspects.
In a deeper way, Autumn is a time of transition, of border For most of us there are aspects of our lives that we question. Time to reconsider, to feel that the way our life is in certain aspects no longer serves us, is no longer significant.
Transitions require time, since what was present in our lives came to respond to a series of needs. Somehow, during autumn, in its deep psychological meaning, is when we consider that something that has always been present in our lives needs to stop being so. That this friendship makes me feel chained, that the person who has been my partner is someone with whom I do not want to continue sharing my life, that my professional life needs an important turn, are some examples.
Metaphorically, It would be during the winter when the decisions would end up maturing However, this prior period is truly essential. When decisions are not preceded by this transition time we easily return to the initial situation or great conflicts are generated with our environment, since it has not been possible to assume the new situation posed.
The keys to a new beginning
What do we need to be open to a transition, to the possibility of being in life in a new way ? For me these are some fundamental elements:
1. Perceive that we need a change in some aspect of our life
Another possibility is to listen and let ourselves be advised by our environment when they tell us that this is so.
When we begin to feel this need for change, it is often in an unclear, poorly defined way It is usually somewhat vague, which is why doubts often arise about the legitimacy of this need for change.
Example:
Sonia: These days, when my husband explains to me a problem he has, I no longer want to solve it. Before I always ran to tell him what he had to do and now I don’t feel like it anymore. I don’t even feel like talking to him.
2. A certain degree of flexibility
When important aspects of our lives are questioned we feel deeply uncomfortable. Under this pressure, when we have the necessary support, It is necessary that we adjust flexibly to unforeseen situations
Example:
David: I don’t want to go out with my usual friends anymore. I’m out to breakfast with people at work and there are two kids there – a girl and a boy – who I’d like to spend more time with. The thing is that I don’t dare ask them if they want us to stay out of work.
Part of the autumn process, the period before making decisions that fundamentally reorient our lives, is to practice and strengthen our capacity to sustain uncertainty. For it we need to know each other better and let us know the people and other resources we have when these uncertainties inevitably appear.
Example:
Manuel: It scares me to think how my children will be when they stay with their mother if we get divorced. I know she doesn’t have much patience with them. Luckily her mother, her grandmother, lives near her and will give her a hand.
Although, what really makes us dare to question our lives (before all of the above) is that we have people who, in various ways, convey to us that they support us
Conclusion
The examples given are real situations that appear in consultation. The names and situations themselves have been modified so they do not refer to a real person.
