Avoidant Personality: 5 Common Characteristics And Traits
Every person is a world. Each and every one of us has our own way of being. We all have our own personality.
Some people have acquired ways of acting that directly and actively affect what is happening around them, or they are comfortable experiencing new things. Other people fear approaching situations, conflicts or even people, avoiding some situations due to this fear and seeking security. If the latter is carried out as a habitual pattern of behavior, we can be talking about an avoidant personality
Personality is the habitual and relatively stable pattern of behaviors , and what makes it so that when we see, interpret, think, evaluate and act in the world we do it in a certain way. It is an element that is configured throughout our development and that comes partly from the biological inheritance of our relatives and ancestors and partly from the learning carried out throughout the life cycle.
And what we live is also very important: throughout life we ​​learn values ​​and ways of acting, we see that acting in a certain way can have its advantages and disadvantages and in general we experiment with different strategies when dealing with situations. having some greater or lesser success for us.
Some end up having a dominant personality, others submissive. Some learn to approach and confront risk as a way to achieve their goals. Others learn to think long and hard before acting and tend to look for environments in which they feel safe, distancing themselves from anything that could harm them. In any case, personality predisposes us to behave in certain ways
Characteristics of people with avoidant personality
Although each person is different, there are usually patterns of behavior that are common between people. In the case of avoidant people, we can detect some personality characteristics that are common (although not necessarily essential).
Someone with an avoidant personality will be characterized by, as their name suggests, avoid problems and inhibit your behavior as a way of avoiding possible negative consequences
1. Sensitivity
Generally, people who develop an avoidant personality tend to have a high level of sensitivity, causing them to experience sensations intensely. They are especially sensitive to rejection and criticism.
2. Discretion and courtesy
They tend to be discreet people who don’t usually like to attract attention excessively, and are generally polite during a casual interaction.
3. Low self-esteem and indecision
It is not strange that these are people who need external affection and approval to maintain their self-esteem, which is generally low. It is common for them to be indecisive people , with difficulties when making decisions unless they receive palpable support. If their position is different from that of the rest, they often keep it to themselves for fear of criticism. It is common for uncertainty to cause great discomfort.
4. Taste for the familiar
These are people who tend to have a preference for the routine and feel uncomfortable about the news In many cases they are homebodies and feel good in familiar environments, although in others they would like to be more open and adventurous.
5. Social aspects
At a social level they tend to see themselves as not very capable and are even likely to consider themselves inferior to the rest, which leads them to avoid contact or feel uncomfortable in the presence of strangers or large groups of people. This does not mean that they do not want to relate or that they do not like contact itself, they are simply afraid to do so. It also doesn’t mean that their social skills are bad: in most cases they are average in this regard, they just don’t express them.
They tend to have a restricted group of relationships with which they feel comfortable, having very deep ties with them, greatly valuing intimacy with friends and family. Although in many cases they isolate themselves, in others they relate to a large extent with whoever interacts with them, giving the appearance of disinhibition. However, this contact is usually shallow except with a few people.
What are they supposed to avoid?
Avoiding the anxiety-generating situation calms them down, not having to deal with stimulation that causes discomfort although paradoxically not facing what is avoided will cause the fear of it to remain or even worsen.
Likewise, not coping can be experienced as a failure, decreasing the person’s self-esteem and serving as confirmation to the subject of their possible feeling of inadequacy and maladjustment.
Why do these types of personalities arise?
The circumstances by which this type of personality arises can be very variable and are not completely known. However, it is relatively common for them to develop in situations in which they have been isolated or marginalized.
In some cases, the feelings that end up triggering avoidance arise due to experiencing abuse and/or contempt towards their person at key moments of development, such as experiences in which they have been embarrassed or inferior to others In this way, a fear of reliving that situation can develop and, over time, consistent avoidance of all those experiences that remind you of it can arise.
The feeling of feeling inadequate, the preconceived idea that they will be criticized or rejected, and the intolerance of failure and uncertainty are usually key aspects that lead these people to try to avoid people and situations.
These characteristics that we have seen They do not have to be pathological per se. we have to keep in mind that we are dealing with a way of facing life that for some people can be functional, if it does not interfere with the person’s life, causing discomfort and limiting their actions or does not negatively affect the person themselves or their environment.
However, if these characteristics are taken to the extreme and generate significant suffering and affectation, we may be faced with an avoidant personality disorder or avoidant personality disorder.
This disorder corresponds to a pattern of inhibited behavior in which low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy, fear of being rejected or mocked, avoidance of interpersonal relationships and reactance to taking risks and changes prevail. It is also common for those who suffer from it to be hypervigilant most of the time, to be distrustful and to reject physical contact and responsibilities.
