Babies In High Demand: What They Are, And Parenting Tips
Raising a baby is something that for most people is beautiful, but it is definitely not easy. After all, we are talking about a completely vulnerable and dependent being with multiple needs that we must be able to meet, and who at least initially is not able to express them in a specific way, often crying being the only way to communicate. their needs or the existence of discomfort or some type of deprivation (such as hunger or desire for contact) that they know about.
Each baby has its own way of being, its own temperament: there are those who cry a lot or a little, more curious or fearful, more active and more sleepy. And some of them are especially demanding, which is why some authors have come to propose the term babies in high demand to designate them
Babies in high demand are understood to be those Boys and girls are characterized by continually requiring and asking for attention , crying frequently and waking up during sleep more frequently than usual. This term was created by William Sears, from observing the behavior of one of his daughters.
In addition to the previous characteristics, there are many others that are defining. Among them is the fact that they usually cannot calm down on their own and present a high level of anxiety when separated from their caregivers, with whom they are absorbent and from whom they require care. Likewise, they usually require continued physical contact. These babies usually seek to breastfeed often, something that also tends to relax them to a great extent.
It is common for them to present a certain level of sensory hypersensitivity , in such a way that they seem to capture the stimulation coming from the different senses with greater intensity. Likewise, these are usually awake and attentive children, slightly hyperactive (not in the sense of a disorder but in the sense of highly alert and active). Also in many cases a high level of curiosity, sociability and creativity can be observed, as well as a high capacity for motivation. And one of the characteristics that stands out the most in them is the high level of insistence and energy in what they do. It is also common that they may appear muscularly tense. To consider a baby as high demand, it is necessary that at least most of these characteristics be met.
Finally, although it is not something defining, the truth is that many of these babies have high cognitive abilities and sometimes a certain level of precocity, learning earlier and more easily than others. In other words, these are intelligent children whose initial characteristics can (although not necessarily, depending on how they are managed) end up evolving into highly valued abilities and skills in adulthood.
In fact, a high percentage of gifted children They have been small babies in high demand or with characteristics similar to it. Of course, this does not mean that the relationship is bidirectional: not all or most high-demand babies are going to be gifted.
A very important question
Aside from the characteristics of this type of baby, it is essential to highlight one fact. We are talking about babies who have common characteristics, but We are not dealing with babies who present any type of pathology on their own Of course, it is possible that the reason a baby cries is the pain caused by some type of pathology and this causes them to end up demanding more help.
Be careful with expectations
The high demand for these babies is often considered to be solely due to the child’s personality. However, whether or not a baby is considered to be in high demand often derives from the opinion or expectations of the parents. It is necessary to keep in mind that each of us has an image or expectation of how and when a child should require us, expectations that do not have to be realistic.
If for example a baby cries every night at four in the morning it is not because it is especially demanding, but we are talking about a common behavior in all or almost all babies. All babies demand attention, cry, and have different frustrations and complex behaviors that we often may not understand.
In addition, we have to take into account that in some cases the presence of a high demand may be due to the fact that we are not able to understand our baby’s needs. It is not that we are bad parents, but rather a possible misunderstanding of our baby’s way of being. makes it difficult for us to respond with the type of stimulation and affection that the child needs
Some guidelines for action
High-demand babies are characterized, as we have said, by requiring continuous attention from parents. The high demands of these children can confuse and cause uncertainty about how to act for many parents. That is why it does not hurt to offer some brief guidelines for action.
The first thing is to keep in mind that the baby in high demand is a vulnerable being who is expressing a real need being something unintentional on their part and not a way to manipulate us or achieve something from us.
Although there is controversy regarding whether or not they should respond to their search for contact, the truth is that it has been shown that responding to them tends to make them grow up thinking that the world is a safer place and that they have greater capacity for self-esteem and defense of their rights. It is important for the baby to feel loved and learn to recognize positive emotions Likewise, we must also work on our emotions.
In addition, it is important to keep in mind that we do not have to feel guilty for their cries. Generally the cause of these will not be anything that we have done or failed to do, but simply a manifestation of some of their sensations or the emergence of some need.
As we have said, these children are active and curious, so stimulation can attract a lot of their attention. But they are also highly sensitive to it, so we must try to monitor the type of stimuli that reach them. It will be helpful to calm them when there are unexpected stimulations, such as loud noises. Showing a calm behavior towards them, and even towards their demands for attention, can serve as an example and relax them.
Something that may seem logical but that can go through the minds of many parents and generate doubts is the fact that it is also normal to feel overwhelmed. A very relevant aspect that we have to work on is taking care of ourselves and from time to time doing some pleasant activity without having to be on top of the child. We are not worse parents for wanting to have a moment of peace and there will be times when we may need outside help (for example, from grandparents or uncles) in order to reduce the level of tension.
Criticism of this name
The consideration of what a high-demand baby is and the fact of classifying it has generated numerous criticisms at a general level. And although it is true that there are children who have this type of temperament, which is more demanding compared to others, labeling them could be considered a way of pathologizing (although it is not what the category intends) a behavior that is otherwise normal in a creature that depends on parental care to survive.
Another criticism of this category is the fact that no limit is established between what is and what is not a high-demand baby: any of us can consider that our child is hypersensitive, absorbent and ultimately demanding since it is not Set a clear time limit or frequency that differs from what another baby would do. That is, it is possible to detect that a child is demanding or not, but not so much in determining where the limit would be.
