Being A Child In Today’s Society: Myths About Childhood
Much of the literature published today focuses on the difficulty that today’s parents have when it comes to deal with, educate, treat and manage the relationship with children Parent-child conflicts and the feeling that parents are “overtaken” due to the bad behavior of their children seem to be more frequent than in the past.
However, another equally relevant issue would reside in considering the perspective and experience that the child himself has regarding the passage through the stage of childhood in the current era, which we will analyze below and may be more complex to manage than what is expected. you might think. It is advisable to discard certain myths about childhood to understand the psychology of children well.
Social changes that today influence child development
Urra (2007) carries out an interesting analysis of the factors that have been modified in today’s society and that may be influencing how children develop psychologically today.
1. Permissiveness
Today’s society is more permissive than in previous decades , when a more authoritarian structure prevailed (for example, the government dictatorships predominant in the West during much of the 20th century). On the other hand, the values that seem to be transmitted in recent times, perhaps as a reactionary response to submission to the indicated authority, are related to materialism, individualism, consumerism, hedonism or relativism.
2. Exposure to adult content
A large volume of media content is oriented towards violent and sexual programs that promote success based on purchasing/economic power, competitiveness, etc. To which must be added the amount of time that minors spend in front of the television, the Internet social networks, video games, etc., alone and without the supervision of an adult who can instruct them in their proper use.
The change in the style and rhythm of personal life. Parallel to the advancement of technologies, the pace of life has accelerated in such a way that a “chronometer” operation has been internalized in which the individual must carry out as many activities and tasks throughout the day. There is a concept called “agenda child” proposed by the same author that is used to designate children who combine school attendance with an endless list of extra-curricular activities and obligations.
4. Liberalization of the family model
The family structure has been altered compared to previous generations. Today we see single-parent families, heterosexuals, homosexuals, reconstructed families derived from previous divorces, etc. The variety has generated different forms of family organization that impact the type of education that the progeny receive.
On the other hand, currently there is more “intra-familial” life than “extra-familial” life: contact with grandparents, uncles, cousins, etc., has been reduced since parents and children have less time for it and, therefore, limit family life to the members who live together.
5. Abandonment of responsibilities
The abandonment of the role of some fathers/mothers, by which the display of affection or love through gifts and material rewards combined with unlimited permissiveness is confused with the educational role that would theoretically be attributed to parents (offering of time, dedication, dialogue , active listening, support, sharing of experiences, establishing norms, guidelines and limits, teaching values, etc.).
6. Questioning educational styles
The educational discrepancy between families, being able to differentiate between the application of permissive, authoritarian, negligent, overprotective styles, etc. Furthermore, the differences between families and teachers also seem to be evident to a greater extent, creating a climate of questioning or distrust of the teaching figure in the face of possible sanctions applied to the student).
Some of the main myths about the psychology of boys and girls that are maintained today are the following.
1. Psychological essentialism
There is a type of belief shared by some parents “overcome” by their children’s bad behavior regarding presence of intrinsic evil in the child which leads him to commit behaviors of loss of respect, rebellion, defiance and disobedience. Nothing is further from reality. Until the stage of youth and the beginning of adulthood (around 24-25 years) the individual does not have complete development of all the brain structures that allow him to exercise deep reasoning about his own actions or behave in a mature way. ethical, civilized, empathetic; These structures are known as the prefrontal cortex.
The minor, therefore, It does not have that capacity that is attributed to it to consciously embitter existence and premeditated to the parents, since at this age the minor does not know very well what is correct or appropriate in a given situation; he is learning to it. Therefore, it seems unfair to think that the child should behave like “a miniature adult”; the child is a child.
2. Learning does not shape personality
Related to the above, it does not seem correct to conclude that the child behaves in a certain inappropriate way. because “it came out like this”
Yes, it is true (already in late childhood and adolescence) that the person ultimately responsible for the behavior is the one who performs it and that there is a difference in temperament that discriminates between more serene or more “moved” individuals, but it is no less true than given that the minor is in constant learning The environment plays a determining role in shaping behavior of the child.
Thus, the interaction between personal factors (internal or personal) and factors derived from the context (external, such as the type of family and education received) are the causes of the behavior that children finally externalize. In this sense, the different educational styles (democratic, authoritarian, permissive or negligent) have a determining influence.
3. Affection has its price
Another idea that some parents frequently apply is the fact of thinking that it is possible generate children’s feelings of affection towards them through material rewards , as mentioned previously. Contrary to what it may seem, children are equally happy with half or a quarter of the money that parents invest under the pretext of making the little ones happy.
Research and analysis of a large number of interviews and testimonies carried out in the last decade indicate that children value much more than concrete material rewards. the time and attention that their parents dedicate to them on a daily basis
Active listening, dialogue, joint decision making, shared activities, an empathetic and understanding attitude in the face of difficulties that may arise on both sides, etc., are aspects that count to a much higher extent than the fact of making the latest console model on the market available to you.
Conclusion
The preceding lines are intended to be a set of reflections that, in certain cases, can help parents understand more deeply the reasons why your little one’s behavior is not what you expected By analyzing the indicated erroneous beliefs, everyday conflict situations can be resolved in alternative ways, in which the application of the empathic capacity can be of vital importance.
