Breadcrumbing: What It Is, What Causes It, And How To Detect It In A Relationship
Social networks have changed everything, and relationships are no exception. With the appearance of instant messaging chats and dating applications, there are several new virtual phenomena concerning the sentimental world.
Ghosting, orbiting, stalking… many anglicisms have been used to describe particular relational dynamics, mostly toxic, that have changed the landscape of romantic relationships. Today we are going to talk about a phenomenon that translates well as giving emotional crumbs: breadcrumbing
Brother of “ghosting”, “orbiting” and other foreign words typical of the virtual world, “breadcrumping” is another English word applied to the world of romantic relationships in a world in which everything happens through social networks. It comes from the word “breadcrump”, which in Shakespeare’s language means “bread crumb”. We could define it as the tactic used by those people who They send the minimum signals to their partner, showing that they are still there, giving hope to the other party that they are still in a loving relationship, but that they do not want to get involved with greater commitment
Although breadcrumbing was born and grew on social networks, it has moved to our real world. It can occur in relationships where physical dates have already been had, in which the other person is treated with kindness but without reaching anything else, anything concrete or of greater intimacy. He limits himself to giving just enough to maintain the relationship, even if it is minimal. It is leaving emotional breadcrumbs, creating hope in the other but without going further.
The other part lives in a paradoxical situation. On the one hand, Since your partner is giving you those emotional crumbs, you hope that one day it will go further On the other hand, he is aware that his partner is not involved anymore because he does not want to, he is not willing to go to anything else, but since he is not sure whether to break up or not, the person who is a victim of breadcrumbing keeps the open relationship trapped. in the thought of “maybe one day I will take another step.” They receive misleading signals, signals that one day suggest that the “breadcrumber” wants to go further and that, the next day, he does not want to be so intimate.
Finding yourself in this situation, in which on the one hand you have the hope of going further but you know rationally that it is not going to be that way because the other part is not willing, It is extremely painful for the person who only wants to feel loved The pain and frustration of having tried everything and not having achieved anything or having been able to convince the breadcrumber destroys the other person who does want to live in a full, healthy and functional relationship.
Causes: Why do they do it?
According to Dr. Kelly Campbell, professor of psychology at California State University, people who practice breadcrumbing do so because their self-esteem depends a lot on how much attention they get from others. Although the exact reasons for their behavior vary greatly, there are some psychological patterns that Dr. Campbell that would explain why people who throw emotional breadcrumbs at us do so.
1. To feel better
Breadcrumbers throw crumbs to feel better. The more interest they get from others, the better they feel
2. They seek validation from others
People who practice breadcrumbing need validation from others. They do not feel comfortable or confident unless others constantly tell them that they are worthy or valuable, and The attention they receive from others with their actions is a good way to receive such validation
3. They are narcissistic
Often, people who breadcrumb have narcissistic personality traits, or even have narcissistic personality disorder. They do not feel guilty for manipulating others or playing with their emotions
Breadcrumbing is a form of psychological manipulation, highly harmful to the mental health of the victim. Living in a relationship in which the other only gives us emotional crumbs is not love, rather it borders on psychological abuse. This is why it is important to know if we are being victims of this type of manipulative tactics in order to stop them as soon as possible and, if necessary, break a relationship that offers us nothing
To know if we are victims of breadcrumbing, it is necessary to look at whether the following behaviors occur.
1. Unclear and concise couple
If our partner is an unclear and concise person when he relates to us, we have reason to be suspicious. This is especially noticeable in situations such as proposing plans If in that scenario he only gives us ambiguous answers like “we’ll see” or “maybe”, but never gets to specify when, he is breadcrumbing us.
2. It shows signs of life every so often
In a relationship, where both love each other very much, it is normal for communication to be maintained with a certain frequency. If you’re dating someone, it makes sense to know what she’s doing or where she is, at least once a day, without engaging in obsessive or controlling behaviors.
Well, breadcrumbers show signs of life every once in a while, perfectly only once a week. It may be the case that weeks go by without hearing anything from the individual who is supposed to be our boyfriend. They have not broken up with us, but they are not present nor do they show that they are still there frequently They leave the door ajar, they end up coming back to play their boyfriend role, but they don’t intensify the communication or make the relationship more serious.
In this sense, we can say that breadcrumbing is related to “ghosting” and “orbiting”, only without reaching such extremes. Ghosting involves disappearing suddenly, leaving no trace and breaking up passively, while orbiting is not too different from this except for the fact that the other person does show signs of continuing to exist, in the form of “likes.” on social networks, for example.
In breadcrumping the disappearance is not total as in ghosting nor is there interaction as superficial as in orbiting, in addition to the fact that there is no breakup either. In theory, you continue dating the breadcrumper, only that the relationship is maintained at minimum levels, with just enough interaction so that the other can say that they have a relationship.
Related article: “The 10 basic communication skills”
3. They prefer online interaction
Breadcrumbers prefer online interaction and avoid physical relationships, even though is not always like that. Among their tactics is virtual flirting, applied in the form of a “tug of war” that serves to keep the other person aware, but they never take the step of going further.
4. Erratic and incongruent behavior
Breadcrumbers are people who can make us feel wonderful, but if we analyze their behavior further, we begin to see that there are gaps, that there is something that doesn’t add up. To top, They are experts in making us believe that these strangenesses are our own things, perceptions that perhaps we are the ones who behave incoherently
5. They never open up emotionally
For breadcrumbers, it’s never the time to talk about feelings. That is something too intense for them, since it implies achieving a degree of intimacy that does not interest them. They prefer to live in a relationship where they get enough attention from their lover but without it becoming so serious as to become more committed To avoid this, they make all kinds of excuses, everything necessary to avoid talking about what they feel.
