Broken Souls: Causes And Effects Of Psychological Abuse
Although inevitably the image of the abused woman appears in my vision of abuse.since socially there is more talk about abuse towards women (its incidence is undeniably greater) than towards men, I am a woman and, furthermore, due to both my life and professional career, I tend to heel, to get emotional and to resonate with that.
And although there are many, too many, women who are subjected to the hands of their partners, I want to talk about the situation of psychological abuse per se, since I understand it as a type of relationship that can affect both men and women.. I am referring to a relationship with a marked inequality of power and submission in treatment.
What makes a person decide (because it is still a decision) to place themselves in a type of relationship like this, in which the other is on a higher plane, possesses the supreme truth, pulls the strings of “my” personal reality? ? What experiences “have I” had to go through to accept humiliating treatment as something normal, to accept that it intimidates “me”, that it “objectifies” me, that “degrades” me, that “overloads” me with responsibilities, that “me” deprive my social and family relationships, that subjectively distorts reality, that only “his” vision of the facts is valid, creating in “me” constant confusion and doubt, pointing out me as the source of conflicts…, to even accept the possibility of Death as an alternative or natural and sometimes even attractive resolution to the reality that “I am” living?
Because the truth is that there is a moment in the life trajectory of this type of relationship in which the subjected party feels, intuits and knows that if the other “loses his mind” he can end his life and, depending on the moment in which that he finds, he can interpret it and live it with complete naturalness, even with a certain pleasure, due to the poetic peace that that image evokes in him… until you are aware that this is not what you want to live that he does not maintain a relationship of respect and love, that there are limits that should not be crossed and that he does not have to die for it.
The paradox is that when he gathers the strength to withdraw and report, in many cases his life is actually in danger.
Victim and victimizer
As I mentioned previously, in my career I have found that those who seek relationships of submission have generally experienced situations of abuse and mistreatment in childhood, mostly carried out by members of their own family or by people very close to them.
But the same thing happens with someone who ends up becoming an abuser. We find that both people have their roots in a childhood marked by abuse in any of its manifestations and intensities, but the basic personality of each one makes the outcome and development practically opposite. They are two sides of the same coin, of the same problem, of the same reality, solved in opposite ways.
The blame goes in the opposite direction
In the case of the subject person, She feels deep within her an extreme need to please and please others, to feel accepted, loved, taken into account, to feel worthy, to feel like a person, to feel complete. To do this, he even disappears as an individual, his tastes become those of the other, his inclinations, preferences and reasoning are those of the other, just like his feelings and his interpretation of reality, it is dependence at its maximum degree; However, in case of not being able to assume them, then the subject is silenced, silent, reserved, separated… in order precisely not to generate conflict, so as not to feel rejected, judged, criticized, or vilified. , neither attacked nor degraded.
He cannot defend himself, he cannot justify his disagreement, he does not have the tools or discourse to do so His heart is shattered, his entire being is immersed in suffering, in silent crying, in a heartbreaking and silent roar… because he cannot even express it openly, he eats it, swallows it, longing to disappear, many times longing to die. During all the time, the long and eternal period in which the “supreme being” decides not to speak to him, nor touch him, nor look at him, nor listen to him… remaining in his distant and cold sphere like an ice floe, with his airs. of a “wounded wolf”, of a “suffering victim”, of an “abandoned child”… until, after a few days, and after the constant, meticulous, maternal and accommodating care of the subject, he decides that the damage has already been compensated, approaching again in a magnanimous gesture of forgiveness, indulgence and apparent compassion.
This scene is maintained until after a certain time another event occurs that forces him to repeat that gesture, due to his low tolerance for frustration, his mental rigidity, his need for control, his narcissism, his insecurity. extreme… manifested from a position of true victim as an inability of the other to understand him, for putting him in the position of having to react in that way, for feeling “forced” to be so blunt, so distant, so empty, so mean…breaking your partner over and over again, eroding your self-esteem, disintegrating your soul, destroying your person, annihilating any hint of joy, authenticity, independence, self-confidence, humanity.
A circle that is repeated repeatedly until a spark emerges, ignites and grows inside the subject, allowing him to step aside to begin to travel another path, to live another reality, to choose another present and glimpse another future.
