More than two decades have passed since one of the most applauded romantic comedies was released: When Harry met Sally. This film was a resounding success at the box office, and if it did so it was thanks, at least in part, to placing one of the most recurring questions in the spotlight: Is friendship possible between a woman and a man?
In previous articles we have found out what the 7 signs are to detect a toxic friendship, we explained the relationship between political ideology and sexual attraction, or we resolved the question of why kindness is a problem when looking for a partner.
Today we will try to gather information that will help us understand if a man and a woman can maintain a friendship uninterested in any romantic or sexual project.
Many people believe that it is not possible, that heterosexual women and men cannot establish a relationship of pure friendship. And it is usually attributed that this impossibility lies in the effect of hormones However, many people claim to have had one or many friends of the opposite sex. It seems that it is a quite subjective question, which depends a lot on the value scale of each individual.
Research
An investigation published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationshipsled by April Bleske-Rechek, professor of Psychology at Wisconsin-Eau Claire University, concluded that men perceive romantic options more frequently than women with their friends (2012). The study also noted that men tended to be equally sexually or romantically interested in their female friends, regardless of whether they were already in a romantic relationship with someone else.
What does the Bleske-Rechek study tell us? That men and women differ in the appreciation of their relationships with people of the opposite sex , carrying clearly differentiated attitudes about their expectations. The research also showed that in the typical friendship between a woman and a man, the man tends to overestimate the level of attraction the friend feels toward him. On the other hand, the woman underestimates the degree of attraction that her friend feels towards her.
As a result of this asymmetry, men may think: “I’m sure my friend wants something more than just friendship,” while women think: “Oh, of course not, my friend doesn’t think of me that way.” , We are good friends”. It is possible that these different perceptions about the same relationship are the origin of endless misunderstandings or the reason why many women unintentionally give “false illusions” to their male friends.
The sincerity variable also comes into play
Another variable that probably influences biasing the results in this type of research is the inclination of women to hide certain thoughts or opinions In the study, participants were guaranteed that their responses would be completely anonymous and confidential.
Likewise, before they completed the surveys, the researcher made the pairs of friends separately promise that they would not discuss the answers at the conclusion of the study. Although it was assumed that all the subjects were absolutely sincere, the truth is that a certain degree of shame was detected in accepting that one is attracted to one’s friend, even though one appreciates that this attraction is not reciprocal. Obviously, pride and withdrawal can influence participants’ responses, thus altering the results.
Although there is no extensive scientific literature on these issues, it is worth highlighting a unique study carried out by Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero, two young and talented film directors who managed to reach the same conclusion: friendship between men and women is impossible
They considered carrying out a video recording that could confirm the veracity of the hypothesis. Of course, his method was miles away from being considered rigorous and scientific, but they managed to document some informal questionnaires among university students. The experience revealed that, when the girls were asked, they began by stating that yes, it was very possible to maintain a friendship with a man. However, as the survey got into focus and they were asked if their friends were attracted to them, They blushed and admitted that it was quite likely that they did In light of this, couldn’t it be said that friendship between individuals of different sexes is never free of a certain degree of attraction?
Friendship and attraction: concluding
To tell the truth, it seems that both women and men must reflect on our conceptions of friendship, to ensure that our friends are friends because of their personality. We value sincere, reciprocal and lasting friendship, whether with a man or a woman.
Recently, in addition, some North American researchers conducted a macro survey asking thousands of people if they had had sex with a friend , and whether that intimate contact had worsened or improved the friendship relationship. You can find the results of the surprising study by reading this article:
We will remain vigilant in providing new information on this issue. What is your opinion on the topic? Can friendship exist between a man and a woman? Opinions are diverse and always bring controversy. We invite you to offer us your vision on this topic in the comments section, or through our Facebook account.
