Loving ourselves is key to having a healthy inner life. It protects us from the adversities of destiny that will occur sooner or later; and reinforces self-esteem in the face of inclement events, failures and mistakes.
And self-esteem represents the affective component of self-perception, and the ideal scenario in which the interactions we maintain with ourselves and with others unfold.
Like many other things in life, however, excesses can turn something valuable into harm. Narcissism can be located along these lines, as an extreme position of overvaluing oneself and devaluing others.
The question we try to answer with this article is: Can narcissism be pathological? In it we will describe the lines that common spaces draw and the differences between healthy self-love and the attitude of a narcissist.
Narcissism can be understood in a popular sense and in a clinical sense In the first case, it is a term that describes an attitude of enthrallment towards one’s own identity, an exaggeration of the virtues one has (or does not have) and a tendency to overestimate. The second is a stable personality pattern, included in cluster B of the DSM-5 manual (along with borderline, histrionic and antisocial), and which can affect life development.
The first of these meanings subsumes people who are within the normality of the attribute (does not cause harm to themselves or others), despite being located at the highest point of this range. The second of them, however, refers to a cluster of traits that generates substantial difficulties in living and in the relationships maintained with others. In the latter case, attitudes can be observed that not only differ from the first in a matter of degree, but also do so qualitatively.
We proceed to describe the limits of this phenomenon, pointing out the way in which its clinical aspect is expressed: narcissistic personality disorder There will also be a reflection on its consequences for the person themselves and their environment, which are the main axis on which the distinction between the “normal” and the pathological is drawn.
Feelings of grandeur They are part of the most characteristic symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder In these cases, the person perceives himself as capable of performing great feats, despite not having objective reasons for doing so, to the point that it is common for notable failures to occur in the attempt to achieve what he longs for in a certain way. disproportionate and incongruous.
This feeling of omnipotence often leads to the investment of poor effort to achieve objectives, since the process of evaluating demanding situations is conditioned by the illusory perception of one’s own capacity (which acts to the detriment of perseverance or effort). ). However, these ideas never reach the intensity or quality of a delusion, which is limited to the severe manic episodes of bipolar type I disorder.
2. Fantasies of excessive success
People with narcissistic personality disorder They project the future considering that they are going to be creditors of great successes and fortunes, and repositories of enormous power or social significance. Such fantasies can also be associated with the expectation of great love passions with idealized people, despite not seeing in this case erotomanic delusions (irreducible conviction that one is the object of the love of a third party without there being evidence that can support it).
This fantasy often ends up contrasting with an ordinary reality, which is a source of intimate frustration and affront. That is why they have a certain tendency to accuse others of their failures, considering that the mediocrity of others would explain the incongruence between their ideal self and their real self. It has been described that this dissonance motivates a laceration of self-esteem, which would remain hidden behind the imposture of an attitude of greatness.
3. Belief that you are special or unique
Narcissists wield the belief that they are special or unique, possessing a series of attributes that differentiate them from other individuals, which are perceived as particularly regular in terms of their way of being and acting. This contempt can become vehement, especially all when the social environment is required to act in a specific way when it is in front of it demanding the most extreme of courtesies.
To a certain extent, it is an egocentric attitude that usually appears during adolescence, in which there is an inflammation of one’s own individuality and the importance that we assign to ourselves as agents of the social scenario (imaginary audience and personal fable). This phase, which is the result of a life period in which one deals with rapid development (at all levels), would be maintained in those who live with this personality disorder.
The narcissist is a person who believes he needs constant admiration, which is why Live any confrontation as inadmissible His imperative need leads him to inquire into the opinion of others, but not because they value it, but because they want to receive flattering words. Furthermore, they expect a solicitous disposition in the face of any demand they may make, coping poorly with refusals of their will.
5. Feeling of privilege
People with narcissistic personality disorder They consider themselves worthy of all kinds of privileges, embracing ideas about the future that do not adhere to reality. Thus, they conceive that their expectations will be satisfied spontaneously without having invested an effort proportional to the achievement that is expected to be obtained. The prosperity that is desired for life would not be reasonable in light of the present circumstances or the actions that are undertaken to improve them.
This fact is the result of a particular way of processing information that is based on a state of expansiveness of self-worth, which even extends beyond the limits of the immediate. The same phenomenon, but in an opposite sense, can be observed in people who suffer from major depressive disorder (darkening of the future and pessimistic attitude towards uncertain situations).
6. Exploitation of personal relationships
People with narcissistic personality disorder have great difficulty maintaining horizontal relationships, always looking for a positioning that provides benefits (even though it seriously harms third parties). In any case, they prioritize themselves in all contexts, even in cases where the incentive is tiny in contrast to the harm it entails for the others involved.
Narcissists take advantage of others to achieve their goals, adopting a utilitarian position in their social relationships. In this sense, it is a trait similar to that observed in antisocial personality disorder, which would translate into disruptive behavior that can end up motivating isolation or rejection from the environment. In this sense, from narcissism it is very difficult to forge lasting bonds inspired by mutual trust.
People with narcissistic personality disorder They do not usually put themselves in the shoes of others, which implies severe problems connecting emotionally with those around them They are very insensitive to the pain and discomfort of others, so they rarely make an effort to alleviate it, even though they have the possibility of doing so within reach. This way of acting is at the basis of other symptoms described in the article (such as exploitative relationships, for example).
As a consequence of its poor empathic capacity, narcissism has been aligned from the beginning of its clinical conceptualization with psychopathy, as related phenomena. While it is true that most psychopaths have characteristics of narcissism (such as overvaluing one’s own personal worth, for example), not all narcissists are psychopaths at their core.
8. Feelings of envy
People with narcissistic disorder experience envy in a particularly intense way, and also in two possible directions. On the one hand they tend to experience this feeling when a close person achieves success in any area of ​​life, especially when they perceive that they have surpassed their achievements or merits. This conflict tends to be resolved through direct contempt and devaluation of what the other has achieved, and never as an incentive to increase individual effort.
Besides, Narcissistic people often believe that they are the object of others’ envy ; which implies the belief that they imitate them in their way of acting, dressing or living. Likewise, they often use envy as the argument through which to explain any criticism made towards their attitude, in order to shield all responsibility for how they treat their social circle.
9. Arrogant behavior
Arrogance is the inevitable result of the confluence of the symptoms described in this article. The feeling of superiority and poor empathy, two dimensions anchored in the subjective, are expressed behaviorally through arrogance and excessive pride. Arrogance translates as arrogance and arrogance, as well as the inability to recognize one’s own mistakes and the habit of highlighting the defects of others.
Therefore, interactions with these individuals can severely deteriorate self-esteem and become an aversive stimulus that the environment will try to avoid.
