When we love someone we would like that person to be with us, for their presence to be a more or less constant element in our lives and to make them happy as much as possible. The idea of losing a loved one can be hard and difficult to accept.being something that causes us discomfort, anguish and fear. Sometimes this fear transforms into the fear that someone will take it away from us.
In some people, This desire to maintain the relationship with the loved one can transform into possessivenessconstantly fearing that they will be left for another person and believing based on this fear that the partner is cheating on them with another person or people. And within this group of people there are some in whom the beliefs that they are being cheated on with other people occur in a persistent and rigid manner, these beliefs appearing even when there is evidence to the contrary and can cause serious problems in the relationship, behaviors controllers and even violence towards the loved one or their potential lovers.
We are talking about people who have jealousy, a subtype of delusional disorder.
Being jealous of someone is relatively common. Jealousy is a negative emotional state (that is, problematic and maladaptive) that arises from the idea of losing something loved, of someone taking away something, a situation or a relationship that we have and want to maintain with us.
However, although wanting to keep the loved object or person at our side is logical, The presence of jealousy indicates a certain level of possessiveness that can destroy the relationship itself. existing between person and object or loved person, and which can also harm the latter and/or put them in a vulnerable situation. And in many cases this situation occurs without there being a reason that could cause jealousy, such as the disorder that this article deals with.
Sexual jealousy or Othello syndrome is a subtype of delusional disorder in which the person is convinced that their partner is unfaithful for no reason to justify it. It appears in the face of an apparently banal fact that the person interprets as suspicious and on which a belief system is subsequently built, searching and interpreting data that seems to support them.
These beliefs about possible infidelity usually cause the person to have a high level of control over the couple’s activities, going so far as to spy on their conversations and actions in order to try to catch them and confirm suspicions. The information that the person seeks is biased, making anomalous interpretations of the loved one’s responses, attitudes and ways of acting towards other people in such a way that normal stimuli are interpreted as confirmatory, ignoring evidence and information that contradicts the supposed infidelity. In certain circumstances You can attack the loved one or those who are interpreted as third parties..
Delusions are systematized, that is to say that despite there being no evidence or reasons that could provoke these thoughts, the ideas themselves present a certain logic and internal coherence that makes them plausible. For this reason It can be complex to show that these are beliefs that are not limited to reality.. In other words, although our partner may be faithful, it is not impossible that loved ones could stop being faithful and/or leave us for another person, which makes it difficult to see that the thought that they are unfaithful to us is not realistic.
Thus, jealousy is not only experiencing very intense jealousy, but also implies a predisposition to develop delusional and therefore psychopathological thoughts. On the other hand, in jealousy the problematic aspects of jealousy are exacerbated when what one wants to preserve is a person, such as the tendency to objectify that human being, seeing it as an asset that one possesses.
Who is more prone to suffer from this pathological jealousy?
Depending on the statistics used to analyze this disorder, the sex with the highest prevalence varies, but This disorder is generally seen in consultation in people over forty years of age. (probably due to the consideration that with age we lose attractiveness and skills, which causes insecurity), although the fact that we are in a dynamic society with constant changes and that relationships have become more variable and insecure It has manifested itself in increasingly younger people.
Generally, people with jealousy tend to present high insecurity, along with marked feelings of inferiority and a way of seeing the world according to which failures are usually attributed to external, global and stable variables, so problems in the relationship are considered as indicators that someone else exists.
Due to these doubts and insecurities, it is common for many of these people to consume large amounts of alcohol and other substances, which in turn worsen their ability to judge and cause greater cognitive bias.
The other side of the coin: the couple
The spouse may initially think that the manifestation of jealousy by the person with jealousy is an expression of love and may even be interpreted as something positive, but With time and repetition of suspicions and doubts the situation quickly begins to become aversive..
The fact of being constantly controlled by the partner and the constant doubts of the person who suffers from the disorder about the relationship cause a high level of stress and frustration, and can even lead the partner to present anxiety or depression disorders. And all these circumstances cause a high level of conflict with the couple, with the frequent presence of unfounded accusations and a high level of dissatisfaction and suffering on the part of both.
Sometimes the persistence of the problem could even lead to a situation of self-fulfilling prophecy, in which the subject tired of the situation decides to abandon the relationship or make the suspicion of infidelity come true.
Causes of pathological jealousy
The causes of jealousy can be very varied.. The fact of having previously experienced situations of infidelity gives rise to a high feeling of insecurity in some people and a tendency to consider that future partners can and will do the same to them.
It is also common for it to appear in people with unstructured families and parental models where the presence of insecurity in the couple and infidelity is common. Sometimes these people have considered that the situation or separation of their parents is their fault (as occurs in cases of children with divorced parents), or that the presence of deception and infidelity is a common occurrence in relationships.
In any case, it is known that family crises accentuate all the potential problems that can arise in this area, and jealousy is part of these. The uncertainty about what is going to happen and the insecurity cause people to begin to distrust more and jealousy to gain strength.
Jealousy from Psychoanalysis
Some authors of psychoanalytic tendency They consider that the cause of this type of phenomenon is a weakening of the self and its limits.projecting parts of the personality onto other people, in this case the spouse. In this way, insecure and very sexual people would project their insecurity onto their partner, creating a compulsive fear that they would have doubts about the relationship and look for someone better. The feelings of inferiority of these patients, who feel they have little importance, are faced through denial and projection.
Another possible explanation suggests that delirium is due to an attempt to give a logical explanation to an apparently strange perception, an explanation that reassures the person regarding the uncertainty caused by the perception. Thus, a normal fact is interpreted in an anomalous way, deriving this interpretation in a system of beliefs that is maintained over time even though they may be unfounded.
Treatment
The treatment of a delusional disorder can be complex due to the large number of factors and agents to take into account. In the case of the jealous subtype of delusional disorder Some of the guidelines to apply in the treatment are the following.
1. Awareness and modification of dysfunctional beliefs
Treating this type of problem requires modifying the patient’s dysfunctional beliefs, which is why a cognitive-behavioral treatment is usually used. The delusional theme should not be confronted directly, but a progressive approach must be made and a relationship of trust established so that the patient expresses his or her fears.
It is intended that, little by little, the patient becomes aware and verbalizes his or her fears in this regard and what the existence of infidelity would mean for him or her.. Thus the patient himself reflects little by little on his beliefs, how he has come to have them and the logic and coherence of his arguments.
Subsequently, we proceed by making the patient see that his interpretation is only one of the many possible interpretations, making him reflect on other options. Blaming oneself or the other person makes the situation worse, so the sensations that the situation provokes must be avoided and redirected. Relativizing and decatastrophicizing the presence of infidelity has also proven to be somewhat useful in some cases.
In addition, It is necessary to make the patient see that if their partner is with them it is because they value them and want to be with them.. We must also ensure that the person sees that it is logical and normal that other people may find the person they love attractive and that this does not imply that they will reciprocate.
2. Exposure in imagination and prevention of control behaviors
As we have said, it is very common for people with Othello syndrome to carry out a series of behaviors in order to control and ensure whether or not their partner is being faithful to them. These behaviors are reinforced through a conditioning process (checking that there is nothing calms them temporarily, which causes subsequent checks that prevent anxiety). In these cases it is necessary to make the patient able to tolerate uncertainty and anxiety.
For this one of the most successful treatments is exposure with response prevention. Thus, the aim is for the person to gradually imagine situations in which the partner is unfaithful and control the need to carry out checks in this regard. This exposure must be gradual and scheduled between the therapist and the patient, in order to make it tolerable and effective.
3. Couples therapy
It has been mentioned before that the persistence of the jealous attitude causes serious problems in the relationship, affecting and causing great suffering on both parties.
For this reason, couples therapy is recommended. finding a space where both people can express their doubts and feelings. In the same way, making both the person with jealousy and their partner see what the other person must feel can be useful to assess the situation more correctly.
These types of interventions are important because they address the problem globally, without focusing on individuals but on groups and relational dynamics. However, it must be taken into account that In most cases it is also necessary to attend individual psychotherapy sessions.without the other member of the couple, to work on specific aspects of emotion management and explore in more depth the person’s problematic psychological predispositions.
Promoting communication is essential to improve the situation. and increasing mutual trust within the relationship is essential, making the jealous person see that the fact that his or her partner is unfaithful is less likely than what the partner believes and that the jealous person’s attitude is due to a disorder that is trying and needs your help to overcome.
