Childhood Self-esteem: 10 Ways To Promote Self-esteem In Children
Do you think your children do not have healthy self-esteem? Discover how to detect it and how to increase self-esteem in children through psychology. Child self-esteem is vital.
The family is the main place of socialization, education and self-acceptance. In this environment is where the child feels loved for who he is and is accepted with his virtues and defects. Therefore, the assessment of the image that the child makes of himself will depend, to a large extent, on the way in which he perceives that he meets his parents’ expectations and achieves the goals and behaviors expected of him. Therefore, parents and the family environment will be decisive for the development of a positive self-esteem in children
In order for the reader to correctly understand what we mean by the self-esteem concept, it is essential to first review the meaning of the term self-concept, a term with which it maintains a significant relationship. Thus, when we talk about self-concept we are referring to those mental representations that a person has about themselves in terms of physical, personality and social characteristics. However, the concept of self-esteem in psychology is defined by the evaluation that the child makes of his own self-concept, that is, by the opinion he has about the characteristics that he uses to define himself (whether he likes them or not, if he likes them). They seem good or bad, etc.).
Children and people in general, manage to make this evaluation that we have been discussing, as a result of a comparison they make between the image that they have been forming of themselves up to the present moment, and their ideal image about how they would like to be as people. (Bermúdez, 2000). In this way, the little ones develop a concept of themselves and develop the child self-esteem in all areas of your life through different levels:
School level: the child compares his academic performance with that of others),
Social level: the child evaluates whether his performance in the group has allowed him to achieve his objectives within it
Family level: the child values how important it is within the family nucleus),
Physical appearance level: values your appearance and your physical strength or ability
Moral-ethical level: evaluates whether their behaviors follow the norms that are socially appropriate. (Bermúdez, 2000).
However, children and adolescents, in most cases, can be evaluated negatively in one or more areas but not necessarily in all of them.
How is children’s self-esteem formed?
From the age of 5-6, the child begins to form a concept of how his parents, family, teachers, friends, etc. see him. The insecurities and fears of failure, typical of age, make the self-esteem can suffer especially in childhood and adolescence. To foster adequate self-esteem in children, it is important to have a family environment characterized by warmth, affection and emotional support, adequate limits and norms, and a language and family communication system based on dialogue and respect.
People have a healthy self-esteem or positive self-esteem when they adopt a positive attitude towards themselves. This would imply being aware of our most positive aspects but also of our limitations and mistakes, maintaining an attitude of respect towards ourselves, accepting ourselves unconditionally, being aware that we can improve and make changes regardless of our behaviors and traits; attend to our psychological and physical needs, set healthy, realistic and flexible goals; and try to seek happiness and well-being by being able to postpone short-term gratifications to obtain greater ones in the future (Roca, 2015). Thus, positive self-esteem has been related to better psychological adjustment in children, emotional stability, security or a broad social network, among other aspects (Bermúdez, 2000).
How to promote children’s self-esteem?
Praise your children: Make an effort to recognize the things your child does well and the small accomplishments he or she makes each day. Reward successes and praise efforts to improve. Praise must be specific and sincere to have a positive effect on the child self-esteem
Accept your virtues and defects: Children need to know that their parents will accept them as they are. This will help your children feel secure in themselves and facilitate the development of a positive image of himself.
Listen to your children: Talk to your child frequently, ask questions, and let him know that his opinions are important. If parents don’t pay attention to what their children say, or act as if what they say is meaningless or boring, their children will think that they are not important. Listening to them is essential for them to develop a positive self-esteem
Don’t compare them: Comparing them with siblings, cousins, neighbors or colleagues favors The insecurity Remember that his child is unique and special, with his virtues and his defects.
Set realistic goals: Children are often afraid of challenges and need to know that they can face them and that when they take risks there is the possibility of failure. As a parent, you must help him and teach him to set realistic goals, goals that he can achieve, but it is also important that your child learns that both adults and children fail sometimes. Sometimes, parents’ fear of failure of their children It leads to overprotection that makes it difficult for the child to acquire certain learning necessary for adequate development, such as learning to handle disappointments and frustrations. If your child sees failure as temporary and not a reflection of her individuality, it will not affect her self-esteem.
Make them make decisions: Making decisions is a very important skill for children to possess and one that increases in importance as children grow and become adults. Parents can encourage this skill in their children through play. Therefore, one of the activities to work on self-esteem in children or children It is through games where decisions must be made. It is important for parents to demand that their children comply with the decisions they have made, because children must learn that each decision has its own consequence.
Promote responsibility: Children mature when they are given responsibilities adapted to their age. Assigning daily or weekly chores lets children know that their parents believe they are capable and trust them to fulfill their responsibilities.
Help him with his interests and skills: Encourage and support your child to participate in activities that interest them. If they participate in activities that are interesting and fun, and in which they can excel, they will feel more capable and valuable and will improve your self-esteem
Point to the act, not the child: Describe the inappropriate behavior (“you didn’t clean up your room today or do your homework” or “you hit your brother and you know that’s not right”) but don’t label it (“you’re lazy” or “you’re a bad kid.” ). You should also know that physical punishment can be harmful to the self-esteem in children
Show your love towards him: If you are affectionate with your child you increase the chances of gaining his trust. He does not feel afraid or ashamed to tell you how much he loves you and to give you kisses and hugs. This way you will show your son that he is not alone and that he can count on his parents for whatever he needs. Showing our love towards children is a very effective way to increase your self-esteem
Parents have to approve of their children, accept them unconditionally and know how to express this esteem to them. To do this, it is especially important to take care of our language, both when praising them and when correcting them. We must avoid comparisons with others and praise them for themselves, highlighting their improvement and their individual progression
Researchers at the University of Washington Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences (I-LABS) have revealed the relationship between a child’s childhood and the formation of his personality, to the point that self-esteem that they will have in their adulthood is linked in an important way to their first five years of life.
How to detect low self-esteem in children?
It is very important that parents, teachers or other people around the child know the main characteristics of a child or adolescent with a poor self-esteem to be able to identify it. It is through observation in different situations of daily life (school, home, play context, etc.) that this deficit is first detected.
They are very critical: On the one hand, when children have the low selfsteem They tend to be very critical of themselves but also of others, as well as perfectionists, based on ideas such as: “if I am not able to do this exercise like other children, I am worthless.” In addition, they constantly self-evaluate everything they do or think and compare it with the model they themselves have of how they should be.
They are afraid of making mistakes: They have a great fear of making mistakes, especially in front of other people, and tend to avoid situations. In relation to the latter, they are very sensitive to criticism (they have disproportionate reactions to it) and they very often need the approval of other people.
They find it difficult to make friends: On the other hand, at a more relational level, children with self-esteem deficit They are not usually the ideal companions to play with other children (they are worried about constantly winning, for example) and it is more difficult for them to make new friends (great sense of the ridiculous, they have no initiative, they are not participatory, etc.). However, they are usually happy children and, at first, they do not usually have problems with other children, but rather they tend to follow the preferences of others and are accommodating to the requests of others. However, in certain unexpected situations, challenging or aggressive behaviors may appear as a consequence of the discomfort caused by this deficit (frustration, sadness, etc.) (Bermúdez, 2000).
No insecure children: One way to detect the lack of self-esteem in children, is to see their attitude at the time of making certain decisions. When children feel incapable of taking the initiative in some situations or are not able to make up their minds, we could be facing a case where there is a deficit in children’s self-esteem.
What problems does a child’s self-esteem deficit have?
He self-esteem deficit in children It is a problem that is related to certain behaviors such as, for example, dependency, hypersensitivity to criticism, high levels of anxiety and depression, insecurity or a greater risk of drug use. Furthermore, it can be the cause or can appear as a consequence of some childhood disorders such as Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or learning disorders, among some others (Bermúdez, 2000). As an example, in the case of a learning disorder, a deficit in school self-esteem may appear if the child evaluates high performance in school as very important.
It is vitally important to detect signs that can inform us of the possible presence of a self-esteem deficit in children and adolescents, in order to intervene appropriately as soon as possible and minimize the negative effects it has on their psychological well-being and at a social level. However, it is not only relevant to detect the deficit when it has already occurred, but it is also important for parents, teachers, etc., to know the appropriate strategies to prevent its appearance.
How to work on self-esteem in children?
There are many activities to improve self-esteem in children as well as procedures to work on self-esteem, but in each of them the parents must be the main promoters. In order to help our children improve their self-esteem, one of the most effective ways will be to go to a child psychologist with whom we can prepare specific exercises to improve self-concept in children.
Today, the importance of child self-esteem It is vital to be able to develop a good adult life. Helping your children work on their self-esteem will help them achieve all their goals and purposes.
