Childhood Tantrums: Why They Appear And How To Manage Them
Probably most of us will have seen on some occasion, even in the cinema or in an advertisement, how when faced with a refusal to buy a sweet or a toy, a child begins to cry, fall to the ground and kick. We’re talking about childhood tantrums which can be frustrating for the child’s parents, sometimes not knowing what to do to stop it.
In this article we are going to talk about what these tantrums are, the fact that they are common and normative in most cases and some guidelines to follow to manage them.
All or almost all of us have seen a child tantrum on occasion, but we rarely stop to think about how this concept is defined.
We understand a child’s tantrum to be the set of actions and manifestations, both emotional and physical, that a child makes. as an expression of their negative emotions of frustration or anger, experienced very intensely and expressed with great virulence in a short space of time. This type of explosive manifestation usually includes crying, screaming, lying on the ground, kicking and shaking, and sometimes also running and oppositional behavior towards the contact or proximity of their caregivers.
Generally these tantrums arise from situations of frustration or lack of understanding of the situation, as a result of not being able to get something they want. They can also occur as a response to an unsuccessful attempt to demonstrate progressive independence and autonomy, or even as manipulation strategy to achieve your goals If they learn that this way they get what they want.
The typical scene that most people imagine is the one that occurs in supermarkets or toy stores, although in reality it could occur in any situation, whether or not another person is involved who denies their wishes. Childhood tantrums can be occasional or frequent depending in each case on the personality of the minor and his or her ability to manage frustration.
It must be taken into account, however, that unless they have learned them as mechanisms to achieve their goals, they are generally something that the child does not do to bother them, being simply generated by not knowing how to respond to discomfort.
Is it something normal? When do they appear?
Although many parents may find these situations irritating, unjustified and even worrying, the truth is that the presence of childhood tantrums is normal and even frequent in childhood.
They appear in boys and girls as a response to frustration, in a life stage in which they have not yet learned to regulate intense emotions Also when they want the attention of their parents or caregivers, or when they cannot be independent. Although there are usually some signs of this around the first year of life, it is generally especially common between the second and third year of life.
Tantrums should decrease as the child learns to regulate their emotions, and most often by the age of five they have disappeared or been greatly reduced.
In fact, They are part of a phase of evolutionary development in which they will gradually be able to acquire tolerance for frustration, the ability to delay gratification (that is, knowing how to wait in order to obtain benefits from their actions instead of wanting immediate gratification) and the ability to self-manage to a greater extent. .
Although they are part of normative development, it must be taken into account that they do not have to appear in all children. Likewise, they can also appear in an excessive or altered way in the context of some behavioral disorder, such as oppositional defiant disorder, as difficulty when inhibiting responses as in ADHD or as a response to misunderstanding of specific situations as in some. autism spectrum disorders.
How to manage them?
Childhood tantrums can be difficult to deal with and can leave us paralyzed and not knowing what to do. That is why below we mention some basic guidelines to try to manage them.
First of all, It is highly contraindicated to yell or hit a child to stop the tantrum: more than making him calm down, this can confuse him even more and even generate discomfort towards the people in question. Furthermore, we must remember that the child is trying to generate her own identity.
What is recommended is stay close and take into account the manifestation of suffering, but without compromising or pampering him: we are going to make him see that this attitude does not allow us to understand him and that when he behaves correctly then they will be able to talk. It is important to remain firm and not give in if we do not want the minor to learn that this can be used to manipulate us. All this should be done without showing rejection towards the child.
Likewise, we must ensure that during the development of the tantrum the child does not cause harm to himself or others, protecting him in this sense. Assess what causes it It can help us identify elements that may be conflictive and work on them with the child, as well as not overexposing them to them.
It is also useful to make clear the limits and behavior expected of them, as well as once the tantrum has passed, begin to work with them on aspects such as the expression of both positive and negative emotions, for example, to recognize them and communicate them effectively. and acceptable.
