Parents who enroll their children in a huge number of school activities, hours dedicated to homework that eat up half the afternoon, the need to make their children excel in one of the hobbies we push them to pursue… Childhood has its own crises and complications, but it seems that from adult life grains of sand are also being deposited to make that way of life, so carefree and apparently unproductive, come to an end soon.
The goal seems to be to raise a generation of “elite children” competent and equipped with a lot of skills and competencies that are supposed to make their lives easier.
But this trend has very negative psychological consequences.
Some people, when going through existential crises, look to the way children live their lives. It is not surprising; Creativity, the spontaneity with which they discover the simplest and most honest ways to act at all times, a look free of prejudices… seem to be a characteristic that we enjoy during the first years.
What happens with this childish spirit is, to some extent, a mystery. It cannot be firmly and completely assured what it is that causes that childish flame that once was in us to gradually go out. However, In certain aspects it is not difficult to imagine possible reasons that explain what kills people’s childhood, or that our lifestyle is being abandoned at a forced pace. It is not a biological process, but a learned and cultural one: the competitive spirit and the stress it generates.
We are creating children with resumes
It is clear that taking responsibilities and starting in the very long term means that the lifestyle (and behavior) of children cannot remain unchanged during the transition to adulthood. However, recently something is happening that did not happen before and that makes children less and less children at an increasingly younger age: the competitive spirit has entered the lives of the little ones
It has its logic, although it is a perverse logic. In an increasingly individualistic society where social problems are disguised as individual problems, the same type of messages are always repeated: “find a life”, “be the best” or even, “if you were born poor it is not your fault, but if you died poor it is.” The paradox arises that, in a world in which the place and family in which one is born are the variables that best predict the health and economic status one will have in adulthood, all the pressure falls on the individual people Also about the little ones.
And individuals are forced to compete. How can you achieve happiness? Being competitive, as if we were companies, to reach middle age with a certain socioeconomic status. When should you start competing? Sooner.
The path to create children with resume, prepared for the law of the jungle that will govern their adult lives, has already been raided. And, if it is not stopped, it can mean the death of the possibility of fully enjoying childhood.
Parents who overreach
Boys and girls who end up adapting to the lifestyle imposed on them by their parents are beginning to show signs of stress, and even have anxiety attacks. Obligations related to homework and extracurricular activities introduce tensions endemic to the adult world into the lives of children, which, furthermore, in many cases are difficult to justify without using the imagination about what could happen in the future.
It is something relatively new and is not always easy to detect, since some parents and guardians confuse the fact that children seem to reach the demanding objectives set for them with an indicator of their state of health and well-being. Thus, schoolchildren between 5 and 12 years old may be performing reasonably well in tasks such as learning to play an instrument or mastering a second language, but In the long term they will suffer stress if the pressure is too high
The symptoms of this stress, since they are not always very evident and do not seem serious, can be confused as a normal part of the process of raising competitive children. But the truth is that your quality of life will be compromised, and the same will happen with your tendency not to judge each experience you have according to its usefulness.
Their way of enjoying childhood will be overshadowed by aspirations imposed by parents and that, in reality, are only sustained by what adults interpret as a “sign of a successful life.” They are not so much dedicated to ensuring the well-being of their children as to imposing on them an image of the ideal person, to whom all doors will open.
Fear of failing
But pressure and pushing children toward success is only part of the story. The other is the rejection of what seems to be of no use, which does not provide a clear benefit, regardless of whether it is enjoyable or not. Investing time in being children seems to be valued only as time to rest, relax and gain strength to return to what really matters: preparation to enter the competitive world, the people market, on the right foot.
Likewise, not being the best at something is perceived as a failure that should be hidden by dedicating time and effort to other things in which one excels more, at best, or by blaming the boy or girl in question for ” not wanting to win.” The consequences of this are clearly negative: the activity is belittled as a goal in itself and only the result is valued in comparison to the others
Showing “weakness” in sports or school performance is considered a source of shame, because it is interpreted as a symptom of possible failures that could be experienced in adulthood. This causes self-esteem to suffer, stress levels to skyrocket, and the boy or girl to feel responsible for not reaching goals that other people have set for them.
Conquering childhood again
Even adults can be able to rescue for themselves many values ​​and habits typical of childhood, so boys and girls have an even easier time enjoying it.
To help make this possible, Parents and caregivers just have to adopt a different attitude and embrace a type of priorities that does not have competitiveness as a reference This process involves admitting that, although adults seem more prepared than anyone else when it comes to living life, children are the true specialists in their way of experiencing childhood. Forgive the redundancy.
