The Christmas holidays, especially New Year’s Eve, are in principle moments of joy, expression of affection and reconciliation. For decades this has been the idea of Christmas that we have been creating together in a large part of Western countries whose roots are linked to Christianity, and the truth is that, Believers or not, there are many people who appreciate these dates precisely for the values they represent..
However, there are some people who find it difficult to experience these days while maintaining a good mood. Many of these cases are due to empty chair syndrome.
He empty chair syndrome is the feeling of loss generated by what is perceived as a significant absencesomething that also takes on a special intensity in an environment that is supposed to be happy and festive, like a dinner. That is why this concept is linked to the idea of psychological grief.
A conspicuous absence at the table can trigger a psychological grieving process even when the missing person has not died. This is because, in empty chair syndrome, the key word is not “death”, but “loneliness”.
The empty chair It is a silent testimony that there is a void at the table that makes us a little more isolated from the rest of the people than before. To the feelings of sadness, discomfort (and, occasionally, guilt) that this causes, we can add those caused by the death of the person who does not sit down to eat with us, but this factor may not always occur and therefore Therefore, it does not determine the appearance or not of empty chair syndrome.
That is why, when we talk about this type of grief, it should be taken into account that the most frequent feelings are those associated with isolation and loneliness.
What role does Christmas have in this?
Christmas can be an important factor in the appearance of empty chair syndrome, since On these dates, informal bonds of attachment become extremely important. between people with a strong relationship between them (even between those who are not usually in contact on a regular basis). On New Year’s Eve, specifically, the emphasis is on appreciating the moments shared by people who love or feel affection for each other.
This, which in principle is something positive, can have the counterpart of accentuating absences during this period. Furthermore, the contrast that can be seen between the absence of significant people and the typical Christmas scene in which all families gather together can generate a feeling of “abnormality” and misfortune whose triggers cannot be fully explained, or they locate the origin of the absence in events for which we feel guilty.
Recommendations to combat empty chair syndrome
The truth is that there is no definitive and universal recipe for dealing with empty chair syndrome, since each person’s grieving processes are unique.
However, Yes, there are some general recommendations to combat mood states that generate strong discomfort. and that usually work in a large number of cases. Here are some of these essential indications to manage this type of grief.
A final thought
It is also important to keep in mind that although Christmas is a time linked to affection, love and camaraderie, this does not have to be limited to the family. Many of the absences on New Year’s Eve are irremediable, but It is also practically impossible that throughout our lives we do not come across people with whom it is possible to feel a strong attachment and fraternal friendship.. The empty chair syndrome can be very difficult to overcome if we understand that the only valid presences are those of a group that can lose members over time, but not gain them.
That is why it is worth rethinking the traditional New Year’s Eve dinner scheme as something in which only blood ties matter, a model in which absences weigh much more if there is no generational change and in which, therefore , whether there are more or fewer people at the table depends on the number of couples and births.
Managing grief and loss at Christmas is also reflecting on the type of attachment we have to appreciate on these dates. And what is created spontaneously, even well into adulthood, is very valid. Both to enjoy it and to rethink what our concept of loneliness is.
