Christmas Without A Loved One: How To Deal With It?
How to face a Christmas without a loved one? What are the keys to enjoying Christmas despite the loss of someone in our family? Discover the keys to deal with it.
For people who are in process of duel suffering and nostalgia for the absence or death of a loved one may weigh more than ever during the Christmas season. Emotions such as sadness, fear, anger can arise more easily and be more difficult for us to control on these dates. We are more uncomfortable than ever with lights, Christmas carols, meals… and even the happiness of others.
The Christmas when losing a loved one It can be experienced as a period of incomprehension and contradiction between what one wants to do; going to bed wishing that these days had already passed, and what others expect to be done during these holidays. Those around us ask us to be with them, to move forward with strength or, simply, to be well and smile again… and logically, we do not want to ruin the party for our family or friends, and even less for them to worry even more about us. we.
Many people or families in mourning, especially in the first Christmas after the death of a loved one, they choose not to celebrate anything on those holidays. They try to continue with their lives, to act as if it were a normal day. Other families prefer to do something different, such as organizing a trip to a different place. Something that doesn’t remind them of these dates, that doesn’t remind them of what happened, where they don’t know anyone… safe from Christmas rituals.
Both flight and denial are natural human reactions, and even part of the process of coping with loss or duel. Both options are understandable; However, grief is carried within, wherever it goes.
How to face Christmas without a loved one?
What is clear is that after losing a loved one, nothing will ever be the same. However, sooner or later you will be forced to build a new Christmas without a loved one, to face the celebration that will be repeated year after year and to create new ways of living these holidays. If you have to face it, why not do it directly and as soon as possible? You may feel that you do not have the necessary strength, but you are certainly not alone and you will be allowed to falter. At least consider some of these suggestions:
1. Break down the walls of silence
Gather the family to agree how to face Christmas without a loved one in an open and natural way. It is important that you all be able to express your feelings and concerns without censorship, your opinions and desires on how to face these dates, the traditions that you want to maintain, those that you do not want to carry out, if something new needs to be done… It is a time for each one can participate and express oneself; the elderly, the children, the adolescents… The most difficult thing will be to take the step, but with this simple answer it will be understood that each one of them matters, that you give each other permission to express your emotions and above all, that you need each other. mutually.
2. Promote explicit and consensual family norms
Another of the ways to face Christmas without a loved one It is precisely trying to maintain your family’s traditions. Review the traditions that you maintain in your family: the Christmas tree, the Nativity scene, meals, gifts, visits to family and friends… and let each one express their feelings regarding each of them. Even if there are discrepancies, create a space to listen to each other and agree on what you can or cannot do and share.
3. Take into account the opinion of the little ones
It is important to incorporate all family members in the rituals of remembrance before The death of a loved one You can’t pretend that everything is the same, that nothing has happened. Children are sensitive and will perceive that the situation has changed. If we also hide our feelings from them, they may respond with suspicion and distrust. When a child faces a crisis situation, for which he had no prior reference, he tends to look at and imitate the adults around him. If he perceives fear, he will respond with fear.
If he perceives that we are facing the situation openly, he will react in the same way. A child does not fear death if the adults around him do not fear his questions or hide his feelings. And like adults, they need to be present in the set of social rituals that surround the death of a loved one, even if it is for a shorter time of exposure, since they also need to internalize the situation. The fact of being witnesses and participants in them will help them assimilate the situation of a Christmas without a loved one in a faster and more adaptive way.
4. Symbolically remember the absent person
Perhaps you can consider the possibility of introducing a new ritual in the family, such as putting the photo of the absent person near the Christmas tree or in some meaningful place with a couple of candles or the drawings of the little ones in the house. , or simply before starting a dinner, close your eyes and feel that that person is present on such a special day, even if your chair is empty. Facilitating a specific moment, space or place where we can remember our loved one, or be able to go when we feel homesick, will help us undo the emotional knot that oppresses us, or simply a space in which we can overflow emotionally, if necessary. Living moments like this or having the security of being able to go to spaces like these can help us to live the rest of the time with less pain. lose a loved one
The sad thing of having to suffer the loss of a loved one so that our vision of the world changes. To be able to realize the truly significant things, what it means to live life fully. Being able to discern what is really important from those other things about which we worry, get angry, argue… without hardly lacking meaning. To have a good Christmas without a loved one, it is vital to learn to enjoy the small, great details of life: the company of our loved ones, a family meal, a dinner with friends, a moment of peace and tranquility or simply a gesture of affection from your partner, to you. son or your mother… so many things that by themselves justify having been born. And surely the absent person enjoyed their day in our company.
The key to living a Christmas without a loved one, is trying to remember him as he was in life without having to suffer for it. Remember the happy moments and do not focus on the negativity that is in the pain of these moments. This Christmas toast to the full life of those you are missing.
