Chronic Victimhood: People Who Complain About Vice
Any person, in some situation in their life, has had to assume the victim role Most of the time, this role is assumed based on objective facts that justify why we may feel more vulnerable or helpless.
However, there are people who display chronic victimhood : They are in a permanent state of unfounded complaints and regrets. These individuals hide behind a victim personality , although some of them adopt this attitude unconsciously. In this way they free themselves from any responsibility for their actions and blame others for what happens to them.
Maintaining for a long period of time this type of attitude that we have called “chronic victimhood” is not in itself a pathology classified in the DSM-5, but it could lay the psychological foundations that could end up developing a paranoid personality disorder. This occurs because the person persistently blames others for the bad things that happen to them.
Victimism and pessimism go hand in hand
This way of dealing with everyday life can bring more negative consequences. One of the clearest damages is the pessimistic view of life that leads to chronic victimhood, since it creates an environment of discomfort and mistrust both for the person who always complains and for the people around him, who feel unfairly treated.
In a large number of cases, the person who shows this tendency towards chronic victimhood ends up feeding a series of bad feelings, such as resentment or anger, which can degenerate into a aggressive victimhood. The aggressive victimizer not only blames others and complains about everything, but can also adopt aggressive and violent attitudes, intolerance and contempt for the physical and moral integrity of people he considers guilty for some reason.
What are victimized people like?
But, What recurring personality traits and attitudes do these people have? Let’s get to know them through the following points.
1) They systematically distort reality
People with chronic victimization They sincerely believe that everything that happens to them is the fault of other people; They never take any responsibility for their actions The underlying problem is that they see reality in a distorted way, with an external locus of control. They tend to think that both positive things and bad times depend on causes outside their control.
It is also true that they tend to unconsciously exaggerate the negative, in such a way that they fall into a strong pessimism that prevents them from seeing the positive things in life.
2) Constant lament reinforces them
The victimizing individuals believe that their personal situation is due to the bad acts of others and circumstances , therefore they do not feel responsible for anything that happens to them. Consequently, they spend the day complaining, to the point that they find an important reinforcement for their attitude in lamenting and complaining, assuming their role as victims and trying to attract the attention of those around them.
They are not able to ask anyone for help, they limit themselves to lamenting their bad luck in running into undesirables. This is nothing other than a unconscious search for attention and prominence
3) Your objective is to find culprits
The permanent victim status It is also closely associated with a distrustful attitude They believe that others are always motivated by spurious interests and act in bad faith against them. For this reason, they carefully inspect any detail or gesture of the people around them, trying to discover any grievance, no matter how small or non-existent, to reinforce their role as victims.
By acting like this, They end up reaffirming their personality and are very sensitive to the treatment that others give them exaggerating any small detail to a pathological limit.
4) No self-criticism
They are not capable of self-criticism about their attitude or actions. People with chronic victimhood are fully convinced that they are not to blame for anything, with which they do not conceive that anything in them is reproachable or improvable As already mentioned, they blame other people for everything, they are incapable of accepting any criticism and, of course, they are far from being able to reflect on their attitude or actions in order to improve in some facet of their lives.
They are intolerant of other people’s failures and defects, but they perceive their own mistakes as minor and, in any case, justifiable.
The tactics used by victimizers
When there is a person who assumes the role of victim, there must be another who is perceived as guilty To this end, chronic victimizers use a series of tactics and strategies to make another person feel guilty.
If we ignore this modus operandi Of the victimizers, it is easier for us to fall into their mental framework and for them to convince us that it is all our fault.
1. Rhetoric and oratory of the victimizer
It is very common for these types of people try to ridicule and disqualify any argument of your “enemy” However, they do not try to refute the opponent based on better data or arguments, but instead they dedicate themselves to disqualifying and trying to get the other person to assume the role of “attacker.”
How do they get it? Assuming the role of victim in the discussion, so that the opponent appears as an authoritarian person, with little empathy and even aggressive. This point is known in the discipline that studies arguments as “centrist rhetoric,” since it is a tactic that aims to present the enemy as a radical, instead of refuting or improving his arguments. In this way, any argument from the opposing side is only a demonstration of aggressiveness and extremism.
If they are cornered by a statement or irrefutable data, the victimizing person will not respond with arguments or providing other data but will say something like this: “You always attack me, are you telling me I’m lying?” or “I don’t like that you impose your point of view”.
2. The “timely withdrawal” of the victimizer
Sometimes, the victimizer’s speech is focused on evading his responsibility to try to avoid having to acknowledge a mistake or apologize for something he has done wrong. To do this, he will try to get out of the situation however he can. The most common strategy, in addition to disqualifying the argument of your interlocutor (see point 1), consists of avoid the problem so as not to recognize that he was wrong in his position
How do they get it? Assuming the role of victim and manipulating the situation so that the interaction enters a spiral of confusion. This means that the victimizer tries to project his mistakes onto the opponent.
For example, if in the thread of a discussion, the opponent provides proven and reliable information that contradicts the position of the victimizer, the latter will not recognize that he was wrong. Instead, she will try to retreat using these typical phrases. “This information does not contradict what I said. “Please stop confusing us with numbers that are irrelevant.” either “You are blaming me for having given my simple opinion, there is no point in continuing to argue with someone like that”. And, after these words, it is normal for you to leave the scene feeling “a winner.”
The last of the strategies that chronic victimizers most frequently use is emotional blackmail. When they know well the virtues and defects of their “opponent”, They do not hesitate to manipulate their emotions to try to get their way and show themselves as a victim People who play victims have a great ability to recognize emotions, and use other people’s doubts and weaknesses for their own benefit.
How do they get it? They are able to detect their opponent’s weak points and try to take advantage of the empathy they can give them. Thus, they forge the situation so that the other assumes the role of executioner and they establish themselves in the position of victims.
This type of attitude can materialize, for example, with that mother who tries to blame her child with phrases like: “With everything I do always for you, and this is how you repay me.” Emotional blackmail is also a typical manipulation strategy in relationships. We explain it to you in depth in this article:
“Emotional blackmail: a way to manipulate your partner’s feelings”
How to deal with a person like that?
The most important thing is that, if you have a chronic victimizer in your close circle, you are able to identify them. After, You have to try not to let him entangle you in his manipulation game It is enough to let him know that his regrets are always the same and that the brave thing in this life is to try to find solutions. If they are willing to find solutions to their problems, we must give them a hand and let them know that we are with them, but we must also make it clear to them that we are not going to waste time listening to their complaints.
Being pragmatic, you should worry about yourself and avoid getting bad vibes as much as possible. You should not accept that they try to make you feel guilty for their problems. He can only hurt your feelings if you let him have that power over you.
