Breakups are one of the most intense and unpleasant situations in our lives, causing us psychological discomfort, anxiety, discouragement and even a feeling of lack of meaning or purpose. When we live that experience we feel like we are in limbo and we don’t know how to move forward or separate ourselves from those feelings of discomfort. Why is it so intense? And above all… How could you manage it so that it doesn’t condition your future?
Although we usually relate Psychology to problems of anxiety, discouragement or clinical problems, in reality a breakup is one of the most common reasons to request a psychological session and begin a process of personal change. Anxiety, anguish or confusion do not come into our lives for free, but rather some event leads us to them. However, the problem is not in those sensations, but in how you manage them.
In this article we are going to delve into why breakups are so painful and intense, what are the psychological factors involved, and above all, How can you learn to manage these sensations to experience a process of personal change? where your well-being depends mainly on you and your future relationships are not affected by this experience.
My name is Rubén Camacho, psychologist and Human Empowerment coach, and everything I am going to tell you in this article is based on my real experience accompanying people in their change processes. In these processes we have the evidence of Psychology, but also the pragmatism of coaching, so that you can achieve changes soon, in a practical and stable way.
Relationships are one of the most special experiences of our lives, but also one of the most difficult to manage. In a relationship we find a unique bond and a well-being that we long to feel and experience… but that we cannot control. The well-being we feel in a relationship is uncontrollable because it does not depend on your decisions, but on countless factors beyond your control. Hence, in relationships it arises a kind of ego fight over time which leads us to develop fear, insecurity, or depending on the conflicts that arise, jealousy, anger or anxiety.
When we experience a breakup we feel that we have lost control of our well-being, fear invades us and an anxious condition develops. Anxiety is a fear that has become generalized, like a constant state of alert. Anxiety, in turn, is totally related to your way of breathing.
An anxious breath is rapid, shallow, in such a way that the diaphragm frequently impacts the pit of the stomach (hence that unpleasant sensation in the chest). The rest of the symptoms are a consequence: problems eating, lack of appetite, heartburn, difficulty falling asleep, intrusive thoughts (constantly thinking about the other person, seeking contact, searching social networks), etc.
A breakup will always be an unpleasant experience, which mobilizes us and changes our routines. If we do not know how to manage the situation, it leaves us with harmful lessons for the future (mistrust, lack of motivation in relationships of any kind, or, on the contrary, living with the need to have a partner for fear of loneliness).
However, If you learn to manage this situation, that learning will be the opposite: It will help you build well-being and generate more positive relationships in the future. Let’s go for the four keys to achieve it.
The changes necessary to overcome the breakup in a positive way
The unpleasant feelings of breakups are natural and can also be useful, since they help us to get to know ourselves, to overcome difficulties that we encounter in the relationship, and that everything is through your own personal change (which will positively influence the rest of you). of plots of your life).
To better manage this situation and make it a valuable lesson for the future, we need to face four lessons.
First: respiratory mechanics
Apparently, it’s the breakup that makes you anxious, but it’s actually the way you breathe. Rapid and shallow breathing will affect you in a psychological, emotional and organic sense (harming your health). In this sense, it is essential to learn to breathe completely, so that you can reduce the intensity of anxiety. This will allow you to gain peace of mind, be able to rest better and focus on the change you need. It is an essential step and the first, and unfortunately it is forgotten (the increase in the consumption of anxiolytics takes us away from these valuable learnings).
Learning to breathe will focus on your well-being, reduce the consequences and symptoms of anxiety and allow you to build well-being. Any process or change that we try to achieve without working with this part will remain incomplete (which causes the problems to return over time)
Secondly: learn to understand and manage your emotions
In a breakup we feel emotions, which condition your daily life, your decisions and thoughts. But the problem is not in those emotions, but in how are you managing them. Learning to manage them will allow you to know yourself and generate more acceptance, security and trust.
Third: build self-esteem
Self-esteem is not high or low, but it works for you or not. Your self-esteem works when your well-being depends mainly on you, your actions, your decisions, your routine and your day to day. It is common that when faced with problems when approaching relationships, we forget to build that well-being and we give in too much to the relationship. As paradoxical as it may seem, giving so much importance to the relationship deteriorates it more and more. Learning to build self-esteem implies that your well-being depends on you. We achieve this with a concrete action plan that takes you to that change safely.
Lastly: Deepen your approach and vision on relationships
When breakups are so painful, it’s the focus that was failing. If your well-being, security and stability depended on a relationship, it is common to feel anxiety and insecurity (since we cannot control what happens in that relationship). Changing your vision of relationships is what will help you build them in a positive way.
Conclusion
In a state of brokenness we feel that there is no way out. However, that way out is in your own change, just in the great possibility that we do not see. With a process of change with expert company you learn to see that part of you that was somewhat asleep and that needs to wake up to live with well-being, both with yourself and with your relationships (as a couple or not).
I send you much encouragement, and remember that in Human Empowerment You can schedule a first session with me to solve this problem.
In this session, which you can have from home and with freedom of schedule, we get to know each other, we explore the problem, we find a solution that helps you in a stable way and we see how I can accompany you so that you achieve it 100%. Your well-being depends on you, and it is up to me to accompany you every day, in a committed way, so that you achieve changes as soon as possible and regain your enthusiasm.
