Couple Crisis After The First Baby: Causes And What To Do
The couple crisis after the first baby represents a challenge for fathers and mothers who must face this situation with the best possible disposition taking into account that it is no longer just about them, but they must also think about the needs of this new member of the family.
Of course, this is not a phenomenon that everyone necessarily has to go through when having a son or daughter, but it is relatively common and leads many to seek professional help in psychotherapy.
In this article we will see what this crisis is about, what are some of its main triggers, and we will present a series of key tips to overcome it in the best way.
What is the relationship crisis after the first baby?
This crisis has its origins in changes in the couple’s dynamics Becoming parents represents the fact of accepting a new role in the couple’s life; It is no longer just about the two parents, and this can be difficult to cope with at first.
Changes in parents’ schedules and routines They are one of the main causes of the relationship crisis after the first baby, because sometimes it will be necessary to dedicate time to the new boy or girl and have less free time.
The couple you could have frequent arguments because of the issue of whose turn it is to take care of the baby’s needs, and in many cases there is a lack of time to be alone.
When one is in charge of caring for the newborn while the other works, conflicts could come in the form of recrimination on the part of the member of the couple who is in charge of caring for the baby.
Causes of the crisis in the couple after the first son or daughter
Let’s see a list of the main causes that trigger this crisis in the couple.
1. The baby is the priority
It is an irrefutable fact that babies require all the attention and care from their parents, and that is why the couple must understand that some of their activities take a backseat.
When one of the members of the couple, or both, resist this change, then conflicts arise and frustration over accumulated stress
2. The mother distances herself from the father
This distancing occurs because, generally, the mother focuses completely on the baby, due to gender roles that are transmitted through generations. Responsible for taking care of your basic needs and in many cases there is social pressure for their “default” option to dedicate their free time to caring for the child.
As a consequence of these new occupations, he could incur an involuntary omission towards his partner, which can lead to a crisis.
3. The sexual act
The arrival of the new member of the family, and the implications that come with it, will diminish what is related to sex in the couple. At least for a time, this area will be compromised due to lack of time and having less energy
When this issue is not assimilated in the correct way, and parents do not talk about it with each other, then conflicts between them intensify.
4. Responsibilities at home
An aspect that, although at first it may seem trivial, has a decisive impact on the crisis that arises after the first child. Happens that It is no longer so easy to distribute time and household activities equitably
Usually it will be one who must take care of these issues, while the other takes care of the baby. This change in household chores can bring with it disagreements and constant arguments.
5. The difficult management of stress as a couple
Many fathers and mothers have to face the problem of, on the one hand, managing the discomfort and stress due to the workload of raising a baby, and on the other, not feeling guilty for complaining too much. This idea can damage a relationship, because it leads some people to put on “a mask” for fear of appearing selfish, and opting for a non-transparent communication style in which many problems remain unexpressed. This gives rise to misunderstandings, emotional imbalances, a lack of vision of the couple’s relationship as a joint project etc.
Postpartum depression
Another issue that may be related to this crisis is postpartum depression. When women experience the birth of a child, They present a series of alterations at the hormonal level which are a natural response to this experience.
In some cases, this change in their hormones can make them somewhat sensitive, causing them to present a depressive state of varying intensity for a time, although the most common thing is that none of this happens. When it happens, The understanding of the couple and the support of the family are essential so that women can overcome this situation adequately.
In these lines we will see some useful tips that can be used to cope with this situation in the couple.
1. Do not avoid the crisis
This first point refers to the importance of accept that you are going through a difficult situation After acceptance, the couple can begin to consider the best solutions to the problems that arise.
2. Recognize the focuses of discussion
In general, there are everyday situations that end in discussion. If we are able to identify what these triggers are, then we may be able to prevent fights
3. Assertive communication
Communication within a couple is a fundamental factor so that the relationship is solid and the love bond is reinforced If we are able to express our emotions and feelings clearly and appropriately, it will be easier for us to reach a solution together with our partner.
4. Couples therapy
Attending couples therapy is an important decision that must be discussed so that both members of the relationship have the opportunity to express what the expectations are. concerns and needs Once you agree on several basic points, it will be easier for the process to evolve properly together with the therapist.
