Why do we do a favor for someone we can’t stand? How do we explain this dichotomy between our emotions and the desire to please?
The Ben Franklin or Benjamin Franklin effect is a psychological manifestation that is based on the idea that, if we do a favor for a person, the perception we have of them will change. It is a phenomenon that is related to the need we have emotionally to captivate and please everyone.
The origin of this neurological effect is well known. Benjamin Franklin the inventor of the lightning rod and one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, had an enemy in the Legislative Assembly, an adversary who often publicly showed his criticism and objections to the program that the Boston politician presented in these meetings.
It seems that Benjamin Franklin himself was worried about this animosity and wanted to solve the problem by winning over the critic. To do this, he decided to ask her for a favor: knowing that his adversary was a very cultured person, Franklin asked to borrow a rare and unique copy from his library. Of course, the other was flattered by the request and quickly reciprocated the loan.
From that moment, both established a solid and sincere friendship that would last until the end of their days.
According to experts, this desire to please everyone, This need to please that we have hides behind a cognitive dissonance, because the person from whom the favor has been asked finds himself with an emotional dichotomy, which is nothing more than the result of the duality of the feelings he feels towards his enemy and the courtesy of performing the favor he has requested. That is, he manifests a internal disharmony resulting from the mixture of that contradiction of feelings
Given this, Our brain tries to justify the contradiction of these emotions, emphasizing the positive aspects of the choice we made to generate internal coherence that explains the reason for our actions We can interpret it as a mechanism we develop to eliminate incoherence and contradiction that we appreciate, a prioriin the decision we have made.
In many cases, this cognitive dissonance can also manifest itself with facts that are contrary to our way of thinking or acting For example, a war confrontation. The search for explanations to justify a war causes those who have made the decision to participate in the war to allege reasons linked to religion, patriotism or freedom as valid arguments to defend their position.
Without having to go so far, Also in our personal and professional lives we sometimes face this cognitive dissonance when we have to help or do a favor for that colleague or acquaintance that we can’t stand. Likewise, in these cases our mind will try to look for explanations that justify this act, even if these are summarized in the fact that the boss has forced us to do it. Even in our life as a couple We can encounter that dichotomy in those cases in which we perform that favor that has been asked of us and that we do not really like.
On other occasions, our decision may not be understood by those around us, or it requires an excess of time or money to carry it out (buying a new car when the old one still works, or ending a relationship when we still have feelings for it). the other person). The inconsistency and contradiction that can accompany that decision will make us look for excuses that emotionally justify it and help explain our selection.
