Emotional Hookups: Why They Occur And What Can Be Done About Them
The dreaded emotional hookups… Yes, those love stories that you get hooked on and that usually don’t end well How many of us have lost our minds over someone who did not correspond to us or who apparently corresponded to us but then did not pay any attention to us?
Understanding why these emotional hooks occur is the first step to freeing ourselves from them. We will also see some ways to feel better.
The mystery of love hookup is simple: as long as that person gives me what I want from time to time, the bad thing he gives me or what he doesn’t give me is compensated. One of lime and one of sand In Psychology this is known as intermittent reinforcement: I only sometimes get what I want. This ends up generating anxiety in us, which does not help us see things clearly or make the right decisions.
On the other hand, it has been shown that intermittent reinforcement is at the basis of many addictions. Also about love addiction.
I explain it to you with an example
Imagine you have a great but broken car that only starts sometimes. The truth is that you could take the bus, which always takes you where you need and never fails you.
Your car sometimes leaves you stranded in the morning and it is stressful to have to go to work in a hurry. But since it’s on your street and when it starts it’s a joy because it takes you faster, you keep trying to start it in the mornings. Sometimes it starts, sometimes it doesn’t, but you’re still there, insisting
Sometimes the lack of effort and correspondence on the part of the other party is ambiguous; In others, there are explicit rejection messages that we refuse to accept.
It also seems important to me to highlight that living those hooks It does not always mean that we have a tendency to find these types of relationships Many times, the hookup is a pure consequence of the dynamics and behavior of the other person. And although it is true that our self-love may not have been at its best to begin with, it will certainly suffer as time goes by.
How to detect them?
Check the following list if you see yourself reflected in any of the symptoms of emotional attachment:
Furthermore, in situations like this we can have contradictory feelings towards that person We are hopelessly attracted to her, but at the same time “we would kill her.” These polarized emotions destabilize us and often make us make impulsive or wrong decisions. For example, writing to him and giving him a huge fight or making out in person.
Furthermore, women They have taught us that we have to go naked to love and that we can do nothing to avoid suffering The myths of romantic love do us a lot of harm when it comes to relationships. The fear of loneliness doesn’t help either.
What to do if you are in this situation?
Of course, The first step is to recognize that you are within this dynamic Recognize that it wasn’t always this way and ask yourself: Is this what I want? What am I looking for in a relationship? Instability or stability? Uncertainty or confidence in the future?
Now think about a friend or acquaintance who has gone through the same thing. If you were there, remember what you said to her or what you thought seeing her suffer like that. Weigh your own suffering It is exactly as important, if not more, because it is yours.
It may be helpful to do a decision-making exercise, such as the following. It’s like the typical exercise of pros and cons, but with short and long term each time. Don’t leave anything out: the material, the sexual, the emotional…
If you don’t want to talk to anyone, for fear of being judged, it’s normal But try not to isolate yourself. Your friends are still there. And you can always ask them to refer to behaviors and not ways of being. Or ask them not to give you their opinion, if all you need is for them to listen to you.
Go alone there. If it’s for a few days, the better. Being alone you eliminate a lot of mental noise It may help to start a journal and focus on how you feel rather than the facts.
Give yourself lots of indulgences. So. Did you know that an attitude changes after a change of action? You can do the test by smiling slightly every time you feel bad. You will notice how after a few minutes you begin to feel calmer. Change the way you act. Show yourself love with small daily acts. And little by little you will feel it.
Emotional hookups are not easy to overcome alone ; If you feel like you need a little push, don’t hesitate to ask for help. In my online therapy sessions I can teach you tools to feel better, in addition to doing it accompanied.
