Emotional Intelligence And Affective Responsibility: How Are They Related?
Emotional Intelligence and Affective Responsibility are two concepts that we hear a lot about nowadays and that are of great importance within the scope of how we relate to others First of all, I would like to define what is meant by Intelligence. Many authors over the years have tried to find an adequate definition for this term and although each one is different, there have been important common points.
Most agree on defining intelligence as the ability to learn, the ability to understand and the ability to solve problems. Perhaps the most appropriate phrase to correctly define intelligence can be found in the author and psychologist Weschler, who defines intelligence as the total set of resources of an individual to adapt to the environment.
It is undeniable that interaction with others is a key element in adaptation to the environment and this is where the great importance of Emotional Intelligence is highlighted Emotional Intelligence could be said to be that set of skills that are based on recognizing one’s own feelings and those of others so that they serve as a guide to thought and action, for example, to motivate ourselves, to develop empathy, to relate much better…
Recognizing our emotions, being able to put a name to what we feel will lead us to a better resolution of that emotion itself. If we recognize sadness we can seek consolation, if we notice anger we can externalize it so as not to accumulate it and avoid anger crises. The more we know ourselves on an emotional level, the better we can handle ourselves in our daily lives.
The ability to self-motivate will allow us to be much more effective in everything we undertake and, therefore, we will be able to feel greater gratification and satisfaction in what we achieve. However, if we have not managed to achieve good emotional management and we are prisoners of anxiety, fear or boredom, we will not be able to find a way to motivate ourselves and we will abandon the tasks we are carrying out.
To recognize emotions in others, it is very important that we have our empathy well developed. Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, to understand the feelings and emotions of others It is a quality that is present at very early ages and can also be practiced. Therefore, both understanding my emotions and those of others will help me manage my relationships, generating what we could call personal sympathy.
How is it related to emotional responsibility?
Emotional Intelligence is closely linked to emotional responsibility, because when I know myself and recognize my emotions, I can take charge of them and I can share them without making others responsible for them. And there I am also taking care of my relationship with others. I am communicating honestly and sincerely about my expectations of the relationship, keeping in mind the emotional consequences it may have on the other
Therefore, Affective Responsibility could be defined as the fact of recognizing and assuming that our behaviors, our actions, or the lack of these, cause emotions in the people with whom we interact. It is very important to validate the emotions and limits of the other, to offer them a space in which they can express how they feel.
The words “let everything flow” can be dangerous, we can stop asking for what we need for fear that the other person will walk away, paradoxically. Hiding my needs will distance me further from the other person, they will know me less and they will not be able to give me what I need if I don’t ask for it and, furthermore, we are going to create a relationship in which I will not be acting congruently with what I feel (out of fear) and, therefore, that relationship will not satisfy me.
How are these skills worked?
Seeing how important these two concepts are (both emotional intelligence and emotional responsibility) we must ask ourselves how to work on them. First of all, self-knowledge is very important and it is the first thing you have to work on. On an emotional level it is very important to check how my body is, What do I usually feel on a physiological level? Do I normally feel nervous? Do I feel muscle tension? I have a lump in the throat? What emotions do I usually feel and what name do I give to these emotions?
It is also important to explore my family history, the context in which I grew up, was it a space where emotions and feelings were talked about, or did I notice that I had to keep what I felt to myself and not tell it? How are my relationships with others? Do I feel like they ask more of me than I give? Is there communication about how we feel, about what things hurt us?
And of course, it is also important to observe if there are certain difficulties or conflicts that are repeated within my life story with which it is difficult for me to break and ask myself if I need professional help to be able to understand what is happening to me there. We all have a big job ahead of us and it is never too late to improve and learn how to take care of each other, because no one can survive completely alone
