Emotional Intelligence In Relationships: How Does It Affect Us?
Relationships are not something simple. No matter how fiery and passionate they may be, some quarrel will always arise between their members. This translates into arguments, poorly formulated complaints and misunderstandings that can, in the most extreme cases, turn the relationship into hell that sooner or later causes it to break up.
Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that have become very famous and useful in recent decades, since they help us have a more adjusted emotionality, applying it to social relationships.
For this reason, and given its importance, below we are going to talk about emotional intelligence in relationships, why it is so important, what emotional overflow is and ways to improve it.
The importance of emotional intelligence in relationships
Relationships are complex. Its two members each have their own internal world, two universes that have to harmonize to give coherence and consistency to the relationship. Couples are two lives that try to be one, but it is not always easy. Sometimes emotions weigh too much for everything to work like a Swiss clock, making one or both members of the couple feel overwhelmed.
Making intelligent use of love is not easy No one has an instruction manual on hand about what to do and what not to do as a couple, since no two couples are the same. This makes sense if we start from the idea that, if each person is different, with their own degree of resilience, personal history and risk and protective factors, the same will happen with the couple. Not everything is going to work to fix all couples, nor does what has worked for one have to work for another.
What you have to understand is that All couples share the same fact: they are not perfect There will always be arguments, there will be differences of interests, a feeling of loneliness on some part or misunderstandings. This is why it is so important to have emotional intelligence in these relationships, given that this capacity, understood as a set of skills, contributes to making the couple a healthier entity that lasts over time.
It is having the degree of emotional intelligence and its forms of application that will ensure that arguments, complaints and any problem that may arise within the couple can be solved, or make their impact not so serious. Likewise, having high emotional intelligence is understanding that the relationship is a matter of two, that the couple cannot be expected to reach a successful conclusion if only one of the two is involved. The cooperation of both is necessary to be able to move forward without incurable wounds.
The famous importance of emotional intelligence It does not only lie in the fact of knowing how to manage social relationships It is also having empathy to know that others have various feelings, needs and points of view, and our partner is no exception. He or she will need us to listen to them, feel loved and know that we are by their side, that we value them being on the long path that is our life. Not understanding this is what causes many relationships to break down.
emotional overflow
One of the most important emotional phenomena to understand why relationships break is emotional overflow. This is something that, if it occurs, can damage the relationship forever. We understand emotional overflow as the overload of feelings that has not been adequately released throughout the relationship. As if we were a pressure cooker, these feelings press outward more and more causing us to explode in a very violent way.
We cannot expect anything good from this explosion of emotions. We can say things that we will regret, be extremely acidic towards our partner and, in response, they “fight back”, hurting us, making the situation even worse. Everything that is said in this episode of emotional violence will be distorted, exaggerated and, due to the heat of the moment, remembered in a very untruthful way on future occasions, when attempts are made to talk about it in a more relaxed way.
Based on all this, it is understood why emotional overflow is such an important aspect in every relationship. It must be taken into account that one or both limbs may be very close to bursting, and You should try to do everything possible to release that emotionality, which can eat us up inside. If we don’t manage it, we can result in a lot of damage to our relationship.
How to improve emotional intelligence in a couple?
Once we understand the importance of emotional intelligence in a couple and see the concept of emotional overflow, we can understand the ways to improve this type of intelligence in our romantic relationships.
There are several strategies that we can put into practice to make our romantic relationship healthier enhancing understanding and empathy on both sides, avoiding toxic behaviors and understanding that, although we do not always agree, we can always talk things out.
1. Express and accept complaints
Complaints are inevitable, since no one is perfect. Each member of the couple will have complaints about the other, and would like them to try to do something to improve.
Although we must accept that the world is not perfect and neither is our partner, it is It is healthy to express and accept complaints Of course, always in a respectful, calm manner and being aware that he or she will also have complaints about us.
There will always be something we can improve. Putting active listening into practice, making the effort to know what our partner would like us to change and trying to do so, to the extent possible, is a good way to extend the life of the relationship.
As we have already said, feelings must be expressed sincerely and appropriately, because if not emotional overflow will occur, which will be truly harmful to our relationship
2. Do not attack the person
It is very easy to say phrases that go directly to hurt. It is possible that our partner has done things wrong, and that we are right to tell them so, but turning it into an attack is not the best way.
These bile-filled comments come from within us, and satisfy us in the short term. We are releasing a little (or a lot) of tension. But then that acid will transform into suffering, distancing, coldness The relationship will be damaged, sometimes without the possibility of healing, being the direct cause of the breakup.
All discomfort must be explained with respect. We must make an effort to express our disagreement in a respectful way and, if our partner does not do the same, not get angry.
Not always both members of the couple will behave calmly, but it is preferable that at least one does. Otherwise the tension will increase, causing even more damage
Every couple has needs, problems that must be resolved. Since the couple is a matter of two, it is necessary that the solution be consensual.
Looking for a joint solution, agreed upon by both of you and in which you agree, is a very good way to ensure that the relationship stays alive. So We will both feel listened to and respected, which will save us reproaches in the future
4. Stick to the facts
Our boyfriend or girlfriend will always do something that we don’t really like. When discussing it, it is very important to stick to the facts, without exaggerating things or generalizing, although we may be right.
Nobody likes to be told that they do everything wrong It is very important to limit ourselves to reality, indicate what we did not like without adding unnecessary details or using phrases like “you always do…” or “you never do…”.
On the other hand, it is very important to understand that he or she is also going to tell us things that he or she does not like and may not stick to the facts as much as we would like. Likewise, we must relativize it and tell him that this is not how he says it, but without forgetting to continue sticking to reality.
5. Know yourself
To build a good relationship, we must first know ourselves It is not only about developing enough emotional intelligence to know what we are feeling and why.
It is, in addition to that, knowing our limits, what our insecurities, fears and needs are. Only by knowing ourselves will we be able to know others.
This way we will know what to improve about ourselves and we will try to be better people for the other party. It’s not about trying to be perfect so that when we tell our partner our complaints, they can’t “attack” us. It’s about doing everything we can to be the best version of ourselves for our partner, which will motivate him to do the same.
