Emotional Responsibility: Truths And Myths In Our Romantic Relationships
Our personal relationships, even more so the sentimental ones, are one of the most intense and complex experiences of our lives. We find well-being, very deep bonds that persist over time and condition your life and your decisions, and at the same time, the greatest difficulties arise: fears, insecurity, guilt, jealousy or frustration. One of these difficulties is emotional responsibility.
But… When is there really a lack of emotional responsibility in our relationships? How can we solve it?
Although we tend to think that most of the needs to go to a psychological consultation or experience a process of change are related to anxiety, discouragement or emotional or self-esteem problems, in reality experiencing difficulties with our relationships is the main reason. In fact, it is the difficulties in our relationships that later can trigger self-esteem or emotional problems
However, the solution is not to blame others (something unfortunately very common in our digital and social media world) but to work on your own personal change (since your well-being depends mainly on you).
What really is emotional responsibility or lack of emotional responsibility? To what extent have you lived it or are you living it? How could you solve that difficulty within a relationship?
The objective we have in this article is not only to read tips, but to delve into what this problem really is, where it comes from, and above all that you can solve it thanks to your own personal change, since that is what will give you well-being. , self-esteem and security. Let’s go for it.
Affective responsibility and myths in the digital world
In our digital world, a multitude of myths are published and spread It is important to understand our context: we live in the era of over-information through networks, and this implies that not everything that is published is truthful. Concepts as common as “toxic people”, or the inappropriate use of “psychopathies” or “narcissism” are increasingly common and harm our concept of relationships.
However, emotional responsibility is a real difficulty that occurs in consultation and frequently, although not in the way they are usually told in small sentences.
Emotional responsibility is the ability to be consistent in our emotional relationships If we make an appointment with a person at a specific time and we do not show up (without a major reason preventing it) we have not fulfilled our common responsibility. In couple relationships it happens in a similar way. We are emotionally responsible when our communication and actions are coherent and we are aware of the implications of our actions on others. And this does not always happen, which generates uncertainty and anxiety in the other.
When this emotional responsibility does not exist, promises are made that cannot be kept, or on the contrary, they are about meeting excessively high expectations of others but only for a time to finally isolate himself emotionally.
What can lead a person to have a lack of emotional responsibility?
The reasons can be very varied. Sometimes, it is about meeting someone else’s expectations to ensure the relationship, and this habit is not possible to maintain over time. On other occasions it is about how fear and insecurity are managed, which is why emotional and affective isolation is generated.
What do we do if we interact with a person who you think has this difficulty? What to do if you feel it? How do we solve it?
Let’s see first of all what a lack of emotional responsibility is not (so that you are not confused by publications on networks) and how you can solve the problem if you live in a relationship where the other behaves with a lack of emotional responsibility or if this happens to you. to you.
What is and is not a lack of emotional responsibility
To solve the common confusion that our digital world causes today, we are going to specify what is not a lack of emotional responsibility :
If a person has these characteristics only are due to the usual difficulties of the relationship, and it is not a lack of emotional responsibility.
When we do have a lack of emotional responsibility, the following occurs:
Making exaggerated promises or statements that cannot be fulfilled (the typical “promising the moon”)
Promising absolute, unconditional support (which can also be unrealistic or frustrating)
Wanting to experience the benefits of a relationship but discard or isolate oneself from shared responsibilities (home, commitment, etc.)
In summary: a lack of emotional responsibility implies an isolation from the emotional and affective implications that arise in relationships which generates uncertainty, insecurity and even anxiety in the other person.
What to do if you relate to someone with a lack of emotional responsibility
If you believe maintain a relationship with a person with this difficulty the first step will always be to focus on your learning instead of blaming others.
When we focus too much on others (even blaming them or seeing their problems) we are depositing part of our well-being in an external factor that we cannot control, and hence the difficulties with our self-esteem.
Your own personal change It takes you to the following learnings:
Learn to communicate assertively: to establish clear limits, reach specific agreements, express what you want, what you don’t want, what you can, what you can’t, etc. Assertive communication brings clarity and security to the relationship
That your well-being depends mainly on you: this is the key to a self-esteem that works. If your well-being depends mainly on you, it will be easier to face these types of difficulties
Learn to understand and manage your emotions: above all, the emotions of fear, insecurity, uncertainty and anxiety, so common when we experience problems in our relationships.
You may be interested: “Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication”
What to do if you find it difficult to live with emotional responsibility
In this case, it is not useful to blame yourself or consider that the other person’s discomfort depends on you. On many occasions, I have accompanied people who felt guilty in their relationships and we discovered that there was an excess of poorly managed guilt
To work on this problem you need to focus on three aspects:
What prevents you from living your relationship responsibly in an emotional sense? Affective responsibility does not mean giving more than you can or want, but rather being assertive with yourself and your possibilities. Usually it is the fear and vulnerability that we feel in relationships that prevent us from this emotional expression.
Learn to communicate in a way that is faithful to what is happening: also in an assertive and empathetic way, to show honesty and clear limits
Live a process of personal change to leave fears and insecurities behind, as well as to manage other emotions such as impulsivity or guilt
On many occasions, the difficulties in behaving responsibly in an emotional sense They are due to not having developed certain skills due to our character traits (such as a tendency toward introversion). These skills may be more difficult to develop for certain people, but with personal work and time they can flourish.
The solution is in your own personal work
One of the most important lessons we can learn in our relationships is that we cannot control the other. In our relationships we share well-being, but we cannot control that well-being or bond. Hence, fears, insecurities, and other emotional difficulties appear that, if we do not know how to manage in time, cause anguish, self-esteem problems, or anxiety.
The only solution is in your own personal work. Whether you have related or are related to someone with a lack of emotional responsibility or if it happens to you, the only solution is focus on your own change What would have to change or develop in you for everything else to change?
Living a process of practical and profound change is not a decision for extreme or urgent cases, but above all a learning of discovery and self-knowledge that helps you establish limits, know what you want, and how to manage everything you feel in relationships so that your emotions are for you instead of against you.
For this reason, a change process must have a constant expert company, where you feel that company at all times and not occasionally, and also flexible and with various tools (not just sessions). If you want to experience this process, a first step would be to schedule a first exploratory session. In this session, which you can have from home and with freedom of schedule, we get to know each other, we can delve deeper into your problem and find a solution that is stable: that is, one that helps you feel better now, but also that you can internalize and help you. for the future. You can easily schedule this session at Human Empowerment.
I send you lots of encouragement and, above all, curiosity about you. Every relationship and experience helps us get to know ourselves, learn and move forward.
