Extreme Shyness: What It Is, Causes, And How To Overcome It
Shyness is not a bad psychological trait in and of itself. However, When there is extreme shyness, it can predispose us to go through difficulties in various facets of our lives.
And extremely shy people have a somewhat more difficult time when it comes to dealing with social relationships, both in their professional and work lives, and at practically any age.
Of course, anyone is capable of modifying their behavior patterns to control extreme shyness and prevent it from becoming a limiting characteristic. That’s exactly what this article is about.
Shyness is a psychological trait in which the main characteristic is concern about the evaluations that others make of oneself In other words, the fear of “what will they say.”
Specifically, shy people have a pessimistic bias that makes them prone to thinking that any slightly strident behavior on their part will significantly damage their public image.
As a consequence, when they have to interact with others they tend to maintain a state of hypervigilance of their own actions, which generates a certain level of anxiety In some cases, if the shyness is extreme, this anxiety can harm the person’s ability to relate to others in a spontaneous and appropriate way.
Typical symptoms
Obviously, extreme shyness is not a mental illness, although in certain cases it can be part of social phobia. However, it does escape the control of the person who experiences it firsthand, and it is reflected both psychologically and physiologically
In general, the signs that indicate the presence of extreme anxiety are the following (in social situations):
Causes
Extreme shyness is a multi-causal phenomenon, like any psychological characteristic (especially those that refer to our way of relating to others).
That is, there are many factors that predispose us to adopt an extremely shy behavioral dynamic Among the main causes that come into play we find the following, although they do not have to be present all at the same time in all individuals who present this psychological trait.
How to overcome it?
Here you will find several tips on how to overcome extreme shyness through changes in daily habits. Yes indeed, It is important to adapt them to each particular case so that they adjust to the needs of each person.
1. Start with an easy social circle
Overcoming extreme shyness is a kind of training: it requires some time, facing an ascending difficulty curve, and effort. That’s why, You have to start with something that is challenging but not an excessively demanding task to progress from there.
So, it’s a good idea to create a social circle that you’ve had contact with before (a contact that hasn’t been especially negative for you). For example, friends of your family members or friends of your friends.
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2. Start with small groups or individuals
It is easier to overcome shyness if you come into contact with very small groups, instead of large and very cohesive groups in which from the first moment it is clear that you are “from outside.”
Yes you can, start talking to people alone (not in a group), since although it may be a little more complicated to start a conversation, once this is done everything is more fluid, since you will be closer to equal conditions.
So, if you want, at first let the other person talk more and don’t obsess about saying something at every moment; Adopt the role of the listener, but force yourself to leave your comfort zone by expressing your ideas, doubts and opinions; Don’t keep them to yourself.
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3. Look at other people’s imperfections
It is easier to understand that others do not have to constantly find fault with you if you realize that They are also full of defects that arise all the time and that everyone (including you up to that point) automatically and unconsciously overlooks. Social interactions are always much more spontaneous than elegant and perfect.
4. Don’t remember lines of dialogue and focus on spontaneity
If you try to memorize clever phrases to say when talking to someone, the effort of remembering them and including them in the dialogue will make your anxiety level even higher.
Therefore, it is much better that you focus all your attention on the here and now of the dialogue, accepting the possibility of silences to think, small misunderstandings, reformulations, etc Showing confidence in these experiences makes relationships much more fluid and satisfying.
Psychological treatment of extreme shyness
Going to therapy with a psychologist can be of great help in overcoming extreme shyness.
Therapeutic approaches to this problem They vary depending on the age of the person, since being a shy child is not the same as being an adult with serious difficulties relating to others in their daily lives.
On the other hand, it is always necessary to know the particular characteristics of each patient who presents this source of discomfort, precisely because it is necessary to analyze the context in which they usually live and to which they have become accustomed (remember that it is a phenomenon with many causes).
In any case, in psychotherapy the work of psychologists is based on modify the beliefs that the person has about themselves and about others but none of this will make sense if, in addition to ideas, you do not act on the objective actions that you are used to carrying out on a daily basis.
For this reason, it is also essential to intervene on observable behavior, that is, the actions that the subject performs on the environment: placing reminders and notes around the house, changing their schedule, changing places to go out, etc.
The results of therapy with these kinds of problems based on personality but also fundamentally in learned patterns of stress management They should be noticeable in a matter of weeks and a few months.
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