What factors are involved in coping with a situation and some tips so that, from self-observation and self-knowledge, we understand what is happening and how to act
Every day and continuously, human beings are facing situations. Many of them go unnoticed and we are not aware of the internal process we carry out to resolve them and achieve certain results, whatever they may be.
From the internal discussion when the alarm clock rings whether I should stay a little longer or get up immediately, whether I keep my job, choosing my son’s school, how to resolve a financial debt, dealing with a problem with a friend, and much more.
Thus, when we face any situation in our lives, several aspects come into play:
Me, the situation itself and my interpretation. How I treat these three aspects will lead me to initiate or not initiate actions to manage the situation towards success or failure.
I It is the subject who exposes himself to a certain situation with the intention of managing it.
Without intention, there would be no coping since the SELF would become part of the situation and become involved in the circumstances and consequences. There would be no decision or responsibility in what happens or in the final result. I can enter the role of victim, which limits any possibility other than complaining, which ultimately does not contribute anything to the result I want.
When I have the intention to obtain a result, I assume the responsibility that I can influence the process and the result, seeking solutions and determining what resources are necessary, mobilizing those I have or searching my environment.
That SELF is made up of the awareness that I have about myself, what I know about myself and how I consider myself, my past, with my experience and my learning and my skills and resources:
My self-concept: What do I know about myself that is useful for that situation and how do I tell myself? I am capable, I know, I can, I deserve, etc.
My experience and learning: throughout my life, what I have been developing and/or acquiring by myself, by observing other people, by training, by having experienced similar situations, etc. I have experienced something similar in the past that can help me; This happened to my father, what did he do? In a training, I learned that……
My skills and my resources, natural, acquired and potential that allow me to manage the situation. We can find a thousand examples of skills: communication, planning, negotiation, listening, etc.
What elements and material resources does the situation require to be managed, faced, and resolved successfully.
I am referring to the facts, to the purely objective aspects of the situation that is presented to me.
For example, in the situation: choosing my children’s school, the situation requires the evaluation of the ease of going to the educational center (distance, means of transportation, etc.), the quality of education, the consistency of my educational values, etc. .
And my interpretation of the situation:
How I interpret the situation also depends on:
My attitude. My personal predisposition to the situation that will lead me to proactive, passive action, etc. It is the filter through which I observe myself and calibrate the situation.
We all have an attitude towards life, which is part of our character. There are those who have an optimistic, pessimistic, defeatist, positive, elderly, childlike attitude and a long etc. Surely you have heard about many attitudes towards life.
In the previous example, I can have a passive attitude: the government chooses it by the vote and I can’t do anything; proactive attitude: what can I do to choose the best school for my child; defeatist attitude: no matter what you do, you will go to the school I don’t like, etc.
My culture and my education: all the information about my environment, family, educational, social, my culture, etc. that suggests forms of behavior, attitudes, etc. common in my environment.
If my environment is a fighter to achieve something they are proud of, it will be different from if my environment is passive, complaining and victimizing. It influences me, although obviously, I can choose something different.
My beliefs and judgments. What and how I consider things are and should be, my frames of reference in life. For example: you have to respect the laws, then I will settle for what I get; If I choose, I’m sure I’ll be wrong; Authority dictates what I have to do and it is not possible to do differently; I am always right, etc.
My interpretation of the situation will lead me to different actions and emotions, and of course, to different results. And here is the key to how I deal with the situation:
If I understand the situation:
As a problem:
A problem is something external to me that escapes my influence and action.
The emotion of fear, distrust in oneself, a certain attitude of failure, pessimism, etc. is present. I don’t feel like I can influence; Possibly, I consider solutions out of my reach and that require resources that I do not have, that are not enough in me or I do not know where to find them.
It generates inaction, discomfort, helplessness, lack of control, etc. even blockage or paralysis.
As a challenge:
A challenge is a challenge that I can take charge of, so I get active: I look for a solution and put in place the resources that I have or need.
Emotions of challenge are activated, there is a mixture of anger and fear that, oriented towards the future, activate me to look for a solution and the necessary resources, both my own and those of others or in the environment.
As an opportunity:
I know who I am and what I have to face the situation with the expected success, and it will be a learning that will make me grow, whatever the result.
Security in me, self-confidence, courage and the certainty that I will do whatever is in my power to resolve the situation in the way I propose are activated and whatever the result, I will be strengthened by the learning that this entails. .
The expectations
In my interpretation, my expectations also come into play. Based on my self-concept, my experience, my judgments and beliefs, I develop my idea of what that situation is going to be like, what stimuli or circumstances I will expose myself to, how I will mobilize my resources and how it will be resolved, that is, the result I expect.
The expected result can be:
Expectations of Success.
In my attitude, the motivation will appear that will launch my resources, my receptivity, my belief that I can manage the situation and I will mobilize favorable actions towards the result I want. We identify the expectation of success with a positive, optimistic, proactive, motivated attitude.
Expectation of Failure.
Fear, frustration, anger, etc. will appear in my attitude. that will focus me on the resources that I do not have, activate limiting beliefs and will limit the actions that lead me to an expected solution.
In either case, I can be in fantasy or reality when I think about how the situation is going to play out and what the outcome will be.
And from expectation, I act.
If I am close to understanding the situation as realistically as possible, I am objectively calibrating the situation and can determine what resources the situation requires, what factors or circumstances may occur, what resources it requires, etc.
This way I can evaluate what solutions and resources it requires, and which ones I do have to solve it successfully and where to find them. Being in reality, objectively, brings me closer to the most probable result.
From fantasy, I can lose objectivity and give it a very optimistic tone: I perceive the situation as easier to manage, I interpret my resources more positively than they are, I value my beliefs about my ability above reality, etc. This situation can lead me to failure if I do not assume in time that I have to change my behavior, my resources.
Or else, my fantasy of failure will be the prophecy of the outcome. Where there are advantages, I will see disadvantages; I will focus on what I am missing, I will block myself from acting and finding possible solutions and the resources that are required. Fear will appear, and inaction. And in the meantime, time will pass and I will lose valuable opportunities to manage the situation.
In expectations, desire and fear come into play. All things considered, what scares me the most is what I desire the most. They are, therefore, the same.
What matters most to me is what I fear will happen for that very reason, because it matters to me, because I want it.
Given all these factors, I ask you, what is the worst that can happen?
The worst of the worse. Put it in front of you and feel that finally, it happens. What happens then? How do you imagine that situation? How do you perceive yourself and your environment? So is it as bad as you thought?
And, on the other hand, what is the best that can happen? Put it in front of you and feel that finally, it happens. What happens then? How do you imagine that situation? How do you perceive yourself and your environment?
And after this reflection, and appealing to your responsibility over the entire process, what is your choice? How do you choose to deal with situations?
