Family Conflicts At Christmas: 5 Practical Tips On What To Do
Despite the idyllic image of Christmas that is presented to us in movies, advertisements and other media, the truth is that For some people, Christmas is a period that is far from that image
The memory of childhood memories linked to Christmas, getting together with relatives with whom we may not have a good relationship, the knowledge of the absence of some people who will not be with us again, having to get in touch to Organizing Christmas with your ex-partner to be with the children and other situations can lead us to a state of anxiety that is difficult to manage.
At the same time, vacations and more time spent together compared to the rest of the year can make increasing tensions in some families Furthermore, the current health situation forces us this year to have to change some ways of organizing ourselves around these dates, which could increase some conflicts.
Conflicts and tensions during family Christmas: what to do?
Each person has a specific situation that can cause different problems or difficulties. Separated families, recent marriages or couples who are reunited with their own and in-laws, people without family or without the possibility of meeting their relatives, among others, will involve different emotions and situations to address.
To do this, it is important to take into account some questions that, in general, can help us to spend this period in a more satisfactory way
1. It is not Christmas that causes the conflict
The root of these tensions is something that surely has a long history or a concern that we carry at different times that involve meetings. It is interesting that we can consider this moment as an opportunity to do things differently so that we obtain different results.
2. Let’s accept that no family is perfect
It is normal for conflicts, friction and disagreements to occur in families. Identifying what usually causes these disagreements can help us prevent these situations on this occasion that usually trigger problems.
3. Let’s try to be empathetic
Although not all scenarios are justifiable, sometimes we can think about what these conflicts mean for other people. Although it obviously causes us discomfort, sometimes we can think about how it can affect our partner or children, for example.
It is also necessary to understand that each person has their lights and shadows and that there will be some aspects that we will not see in the same way. Avoiding controversial topics and trying to find more neutral ones can help us generate more pleasant conversations.
4. Set limits
Sometimes expressing how we feel or what the situation is causing us can help us, both to make the other person aware of what is happening, and to help prevent the conflict from escalating. The other person may not see that what they are saying to us is offensive, causes discomfort or does not make us funny.
Let us be aware that those moments of family reunion do notor are they the time to resolve any conflicts we have with any of the members of the meeting? It may be more convenient to postpone that conversation or be able to talk privately.
How to address the problem through psychotherapy?
In therapy, we can address these types of conflicts that may occur in the family. Knowing the type of relationship and communication that the person who comes to therapy and the family establish can help us understand the guidelines and patterns in which these problems are based. So, Self-knowledge is also produced about the position, function and roles that one plays in the family being able to redefine it if it is convenient.
Likewise, implicit and explicit rules, loyalties, myths and norms and/or taboo topics can underlie some triggers in family conflicts. Personal conflicts are sometimes also intertwined in these issues, with the management of conflicts in general, our way of interpreting reality, internal concerns, etc. becoming important.
The consultation can become a scenario where we prepare ourselves for these situations, learning communication strategies, conflict resolution and skills that help us enjoy meetings and reunions with the family. Preventing escalations, controlling emotions and getting out of previous dysfunctional behaviors and thoughts to put into practice other more adaptive ones can be some of the techniques to use.
