The fear of death is natural and responds to the survival instinct that characterizes us as living beings. It is a primary emotion provoked by real or supposed danger.
On the other hand, fear has an adaptive function and is necessary to survive. In this case, the fear of COVID-19 activates behaviors of personal and other care.
The pandemic has presented us, without prior notice, a blunt reality about the possible proximity of death to our familieseven to ourselves, and today’s society hardly knows how to manage it, since it was not prepared for it.
In this society in which material well-being, consumption and leisure are the values that control the system, death did not fit and was maintained in an unnatural anonymity.
Children do not attend the funerals of their own relatives, even very beloved grandparents, or their own parents. It exists as a fictitious bubble of protection created by adults that deprives children of the awareness of deathand even saying goodbye to their loved ones, a necessary ritual to correctly close the cycle of grief.
When I was a child, I saw the coffins pass through the streets of the town, on the shoulders of the relatives, followed by their entourage and revered by all the passers-by, who bowed in silence in a respectable gesture before death. The bells announced death in the same way they tolled with joy at moments of celebration in life. We children went with the family to the wake, the family members accompanied us all together in the pain of farewell. Many children (called altar boys) accompanied the priest in the last unction. And all this gave us a more realistic, responsible and less reckless perspective on life than what young people perceive today.
All this pedagogical obscurantism in our current society, has triggered an emotional response in people who often become somatizedin some cases leading to the development of severe anxiety, depression or the loss of adequate adaptive skills in stressful situations.
Many children, adolescents and adults (especially essential and health workers) have come to my office since the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic with various symptoms, but all of them hide fear and, especially, the fear of death.
Fear of the death of loved ones and of death itself has skyrocketed. But are we only talking about death as a fact that is part of life? No, there are many ramifications: fear of dying alone, fear of dying with suffering and pain, fear of not finding meaning in one’s life, fear of not having lived long enough to fulfill our dreams, fear of it all ending… . and many others.
Symptoms
If you feel anxiety, breathing difficulties, dizziness, tremors, sweating, tachycardia, chest pain and nausea, it is important that you go inside and connect with what is really happening to you, and especially listen and accept your real fearsbecause it will be easier to face them if you identify them.
There are other symptoms that, in addition to occurring in adults, are those that alert children and adolescents to the need for help. We talk about nightmares, panic attacks, irritability, insomnia, sadness, fear of going outside or going to school, and dependency behaviors.
To do?
The best way to overcome the fear of getting sick and dying is to talk about it; Suffering in silence can become entrenched and reduce your quality of life.. It is good to educate yourself about death and accept reality with a good dose of positive thinking.
In order to help children and adolescents, we have to talk to them as a family, talk to them about our loved ones who have already passed away but who are part of our hearts. This It will give them a sense of belonging to the family system and a sense of time., something they need to find a little peace at this time and, above all, it is absolutely necessary to listen with interest to what they think about it, their fears and their fantasies about death. The worst fears are not those that are given to us by life, the worst fears are the imaginary ones.
To face the death of a loved one, it is essential to perform a farewell ritual, share these rituals with children and strengthen cohesion with family and friends. We are all in the same boat. At this historical moment, many are silent about their pain, their fear and their helplessness, not knowing what to do with those emotions.
Don’t hesitate to seek help if you need it. You are not alone. If you need professional support, do not hesitate to contact me. I would be glad to help you.
