Fear Of Intimacy: What It Is, How It Affects Us And What Are Its Causes
While it is true that not all relationships between human beings are equal nor are they experienced in the same way by their members, intimacy is one of the most important elements for relationships to consolidate, prosper and stay alive over time. by being based on a strong emotional bond that, in turn, exists on the basis of commitment and a certain degree of mutual understanding.
Intimacy between two people consists of being able to share all kinds of information and private experiences and personal with another person in a bidirectional and reciprocal way: both feelings, emotions, ideas, aspirations or dreams.
Accepting the other unconditionally and learning daily about their way of being and their personality is another way to gain intimacy, something that helps us maintain these long-lasting relationships.
However, some people have, for various reasons, an exacerbated fear of establishing an intimate relationship with another person and remain closed to progressing in the interpersonal relationship. So that, let’s look at the characteristics of fear of intimacy and its implications.
Intimacy is what makes relationships work; an essential part in any relationship between people, whether in a couple, between close friends or with close family members.
On the other hand, fear of intimacy is a form of “emotional self-sabotage” in which a person avoids becoming too emotionally attached with a significant other out of fear of being harmed in the future or out of fear that the relationship could end in the short term.
This phenomenon is also known as “relational anxiety” and is related to a person’s inability to build emotionally meaningful social relationships as well as sharing all kinds of emotions or feelings towards others.
People with a fear of intimacy would like to build normal and fulfilling relationships with their partners or close friends; However, it is impossible for them due to fear, anxiety and discomfort caused by the possibility of being abandoned, harmed or betrayed.
How is fear of intimacy expressed?
Although each person experiences this psychological phenomenon in a particular way, these are the main manifestations of fear of intimacy.
1. Tendency to always make decisions for oneself
People who suffer from a fear of intimacy have a notable tendency to make all kinds of important decisions by themselves, without consulting your partner at any time
Likewise, there is usually a communication deficit in the couple because these people never do anything together or ask for help or advice from the other member of the relationship.
2. Believing that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness
Another of the classic signs of this disorder consists of believing that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness ; That is why no fear, need or emotional difficulty is ever shared.
It is common that showing feelings of any kind is also perceived as an open window towards all types of damage that can be inflicted from the outside.
As indicated by psychology and sexology professionals, the fear of intimacy is also very closely related to sexual difficulties or dysfunctions of all kinds.
This has to do with the anxiety these people experience and the fear of revealing their insecurities related to nudity and the act of having sexual relations itself, which is associated with sexual self-esteem.
4. Avoid talking about the past
In line with avoiding sharing anything, it is also common for these people to avoid talking about their past or traumatic, difficult or painful events that they have experienced.
Therefore, talking about past fears and distressing experiences is avoided at all times, even lying about any topic from the past.
6. Weak personal ties but adequate social skills
Although people with a fear of intimacy are not able to establish meaningful emotional bonds, they are may have remarkable social skills which allows them to have daily social relationships with other people in a satisfactory manner.
The main characteristic of the social relationships they establish is that they are always superficial and almost always ephemeral.
Causes
Although each case is unique, the most common causes of fear of intimacy in its most extreme versions are the following.
1. Dysfunctional family environments
Growing up in a dysfunctional environment in which parents cannot take care of their children’s needs (emotionally, physically or materially) is one of the main causes that can lead to the development of this fear of intimacy.
Growing up with certain emotional deficiencies, that is, in an environment in which parents do not provide the necessary affection, love or protection can end up causing children to end up becoming adults who reject emotional intimacy with their partners.
In family environments characterized by mistreatment or abuse of children, it is also common for these children to become adults with a fear of intimacy.
This is directly related to the type of appearance that abused children develop: avoidant attachment key in the appearance of fear of intimacy in adulthood.
3. Having taken care of the brothers from very early on
Some people with older parents who have had to take care of their parents or younger siblings from a very young age also tend to present this type of psychological alteration.
This is explained by the perception during most of their adolescent lives that They can only trust themselves and that no one else will provide for your personal well-being.
4. Childhood traumas
Certain traumatic experiences experienced in childhood, What can the loss of a parent at an early age be like? can also be related to fear of intimacy.
People who live these types of experiences tend to withdraw into themselves throughout their adult lives and have difficulties relating satisfactorily with other adults.
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My name is Javier Ares I am a psychologist specialized in emotional and relationship problems, and I provide care in person and online.
