During the last two decades, and he pace of life in society has accelerated greatly so much so that it could be said that the philosophy of today’s human being has become one of achieving all types of objectives immediately, whether of a material or non-tangible nature.
At first glance, this significant level of motivation may seem positive to achieve (supposed) greater well-being (a better job, a perfect family or partner, enviable leisure activities, the maximum number of friends or contacts on social networks, etc. .). However, when the balance between said motivation and excessive self-demand is lost, all of this can lead to the opposite effect: constant fears and worries
In his work, Guix (2006) notes the close link between the existence of fears and the need to control the different personal aspects that make up the individual’s life, establishing a direct relationship between both: the greater the desire for control, the more fears, worry and anxiety.
It seems that, internally, the obligation to “achieve” everything proposed and to not being able to “fail” in any of the projects started
Is it good to be afraid?
The answer is clearly yes. Fear is defined as one of the most necessary primary emotions for survival, therefore highly functional. In the past, this reaction allowed us to escape from wild creatures by activating the organism and mobilizing it to escape.
Today, having evolved the context, the human being still needs a warning system for potential dangers whose main exponent is the human being himself. Thus, the emotion of fear must be understood as a natural and adaptive phenomenon. What is truly relevant, the key point where attention should fall, is the management of that reaction and how the management of said fear occurs.
Guix (2006) argues that man has adopted the erroneous strategy of exercising control as the main mechanism in coping with worries. This methodology has several drawbacks, since control can be done with relative ease over “things”, but it is not so easy to carry out the same process when other people are involved, such as occurs in the field of social relations
When the rest of the people in the immediate context do not respond as one would expect, a fear reaction is produced, among other emotions. This usually leads clearly to the development of a feeling of distrust which whose dent in the individual himself directly or indirectly conditions other present and future interpersonal relationships.
Because of this, such a subject adopts such distrust as a defense mechanism against the appearance of suffering ceasing to be aware of his incipient emotional distance from his social environment that is gradually growing.
Fear vs. Security or Comfort (Control)
Exercising some level of control can be beneficial since enables increased self-confidence ; The fact of preserving a certain order in the different life facets is related to a positive self-concept.
Control generates a feeling of security, since it is usually linked to a psychological state of comfort, a state of comfort. However, by adopting this type of philosophy, the individual will have increasingly the need to control more aspects to maintain said level of subjective security, finding oneself immersed in an endless and infinite escalation of sources of concern that will need to be mastered immediately.
It seems obvious to think that the greater the desire for security, the greater the fear of its loss Thus, uncertainty (the difference between expectation and reality) ceases to be a tolerable phenomenon and becomes an entity to be avoided at all costs. The problem lies in the impossibility of eliminating this uncertainty, since it is something intrinsic to becoming, to future time, as defended by Nardone (2012), a psychologist expert on the subject.
Choosing philosophy of life
For all of the above, the individual has to choose between both alternatives: opt for comfort or opt for overcoming fears and worries.
From the outset, The first option emotionally relieves the subject, since that unpleasant sensation such as fear or discomfort is avoided. However, choosing this path in the long term leads to greater psychological discomfort. On the other hand, the second option, more complex to put into practice, does manage to break the fear-control-anxiety-avoidance spiral mentioned.
To achieve this objective they must modify core beliefs, behavior patterns learned and generalized attitudes regarding the source object of said fear.
Types of fears
Guix (2007) in his work distinguishes between real fears (when there is a real threat to physical survival, for example being trapped in a fire) and psychological fears (where psychological survival is what is compromised, for example the fear of flying on an airplane). The latter can be classified into:
They all have in common that They have an object about which they refer an object that is known and that fears losing, whether it is a relationship to which one belongs (regardless of whether it is satisfactory or not), the preservation of life in the event of a car accident or any other circumstance that could put her in danger.
The first two are more closely linked to the capacity that human beings have to create something initially non-existent which ends up being experienced as something real, as something that was truly happening.
Overcome insecurity
Below you can see a series of reflections and indications that Guix (2006) proposes in his work as antidote measures against the virus of fear and worries:
1. Self-knowledge
The first step that should be taken is to ask yourself whether or not you want to overcome these fears. Although it may seem like an obvious issue, one of the main obstacles that the individual must overcome is choose the desire to face your own fears It may be the case, however, that the person prefers to stay in their comfort zone (the fact of staying in their already known fears) avoiding exploring themselves.
This self-knowledge means and implies uncertainty (“Will I be able to handle what I am going to discover?” or “Do I want to make the effort to change?”). The decision between taking the path between security and absence of fear is one of the most costly and decisive barriers that must be overcome.
Another of the reflections that must be carried out refers to learning to identify what type of fear (or fears) are present and What function are they fulfilling in the person’s life? in question. The fact of making such fear stop being functional is another basic milestone in the process.
3. Balance “doing” with “being”
It is worth reflecting on what type of aspects have the most impact on the emotional well-being of the human being: the instrumental-material or rather the spiritual-intangible. For this, it is essential reverse the principles on which the current social organization is based capitalism, downplaying achievements and competitiveness to give them to aspects related to being and life in a community.
4. Acceptance and tolerance of uncertainty
The belief that everything is under control It is nothing more than a mentally constructed illusion to generate peace: it is only a belief, not a reality, and that can generate frustration.
This has the advantage that, since it is something created by oneself, it could be dismantled in the same way as it was created. However, the fact that this belief was precisely one’s own, causes greater complexity for the individual in the enterprise of eliminating it. That is, it could be said that the person ends up becoming attached to their own beliefs although these are maladaptive.
On the other hand, it seems necessary to embrace tolerance of the unknown and the future, as something natural and intrinsic to human life. And this combined with the limitation in setting excessive expectations regarding such uncertainty. Finally, the acceptance of oneself as a being that can (and “must”) make mistakes, the permission to fail or “not arrive”, becomes another of the core beliefs that must be worked on in combination with the above.
Nardone, G., De Santis, G and Salvat Farré, P. (2012): I think, therefore I suffer. Ed. Paidós: Barcelona.
