Feeling Of Abandonment: 7 Signs That It Affects You
Not all feelings correspond to the reality of the facts; Some people present feelings that respond only to the perception that they themselves have of things. Despite having no real reasons, there are sensations and emotions that take over us as if they came from a parallel reality.
In this article Let’s examine the feeling of abandonment we will see exactly what this irrational perception of loneliness is about and how it usually manifests itself in people’s lives, bringing with it intense and persistent discomfort.
The feeling of abandonment consists of a state of mind in which the person demonstrates states of anguish, which are expressed through the feeling that no one cares about us or that we will be abandoned.
When you experience constant feelings of abandonment, a catastrophic style of thinking is adopted. That is to say, in any situation, no matter how minor, the subject thinks that something bad is coming, even if there are no objective reasons to support that belief.
Intrusive thoughts take over people’s minds, and make them have recurring ideas of abandonment; For example, “no one wants to be with me”, I am indifferent to others”, “I have nothing to offer anyone”, etc.
The self-fulfilling prophecy
Although these thoughts are not really corresponded to the facts, something paradoxical happens. When we are in a relationship and we have the fixed idea that the other person is going to leave us at any moment, this ends up happening.
This is not a coincidence, far from it, it is because people with feelings of abandonment They have a tendency to self-sabotage their relationships. They distance themselves from people with the idea of ending the relationship before they do, often unconsciously.
The ways in which an insecure person sabotages their relationships generally have two polarities. The first is to demonstrate a feeling of attachment that is too intense that ends up pushing the other person away given that he begins to have overly possessive behaviors.
Another form of sabotage caused by the feeling of abandonment is based on an idea of exaggerated prevention, where the person who is afraid of being alone takes the initiative and decides to abandon the other person. to avoid going through the frustration of being abandoned without realizing that he is being the architect of his own fear.
In many aspects, the feeling of abandonment can be influenced by attachment problems that emerged during childhood, but they can also be due to dysfunctional social contexts already in adulthood: couple relationships that do not flow, social isolation, etc.
How does the feeling of abandonment manifest itself?
In the next lines we are going to review how this feeling of abandonment is usually expressed.
1. Behaviors based on dependency
People who fear being abandoned They often demonstrate dependency behaviors in the face of social contact, sometimes even with the people closest to them. This causes these people to adopt a subordinate role before others.
2. Affective flattening
Despite being only in appearance, when the subject has the constant idea that the people around him do not attribute any value to him, he begins a pattern of behavior based on affective flattening and low mood.
These types of ideas have their origin in the irrational thoughts that the person is responsible for feeding. For example, if I think that eventually my partner is going to end the relationship with me, I also begin to shape this scenario, and imagine how it is going to happen, in detail.
4. Overthinking
Another of the most frequent ways of showing the fear of being abandoned It is taking beliefs to extremes, in an exaggerated way. The subject who experiences a feeling of abandonment thinks that when the other person does not constantly show him that she feels affection towards him, it is because she does not love him at all.
5. Repeat behavior patterns
The feeling of abandonment is something that often comes from childhood, motivated by the fact of not having received emotional parenting during the early stages of child development.
In general, this pattern tends to repeat itself generationally. That is, parents with feelings of abandonment raise their children in the same way, without showing them too much affection, either because of the feeling that they will also abandon them, or as a way to make them “stronger” in the face of a hostile world.
6. Submission
The fear of abandonment can trigger submissive attitudes in the person, especially when it is accompanied by an intense emotional attachment to the other person. In this case the subject is capable of displacing his own needs with the intention of maintaining the company desired by him.
Submissive people can even go through a process of degradation and anxiety when they want to retain the company of others and put aside their own opinions and principles to please the other.
This pattern of obsessive behavior usually occurs in many ways, such as through harassment of other people.
An example of these situations is the so-called “stalking.” which consists of thoroughly reviewing the social networks of the person who is the object of desire and collecting information regarding their personal life. Other forms of harassment can also occur.
On the other hand, some people desperately look for quick, magical solutions to their anguish and turn to places where they promise things like “eternal love” through mystical rituals that end up being a scam.
