Flirting techniques are an increasingly widespread claim within current literature, in which psychology has a lot to say.
However, not all the things that have been published on this complex topic are useful or based on scientific criteria, beyond the inventiveness of some daring author, as is the case with the widespread suggestion of combining praise with a veiled criticism of the type: “what a beautiful dress you are wearing, I have seen it on many women.” Of course this is a good way to be remembered, but we must avoid achieving it by generating a negative impact on the other person.
Since There are differences in the dynamics of desire between men and women we will begin by talking about those dating techniques that are different for each person, to end by talking about what aspects are common in both cases.
These are the ways in which both sexes differ from each other when it comes to attraction.
1. Show interest and generate doubt
The prototype of love choice in the case of men is more referred to the object itself (to qualities or physicality), what in psychology we call object love choice, while women make a narcissistic choice, that is, They focus more on how much they want them than on what their object of desire is like That is why during the relationship, women need to hear more frequently that they are loved.
Therefore, a useful resource is found in the man’s direct expression of how much interest the woman generates in him. However, in the first moments of flirting, generating doubt about whether or not the man is interested in them is effective (according to a study published by the University of Virginia and Harvard).
2. The smile
Men prefer smiling women, but women are not so positively influenced by this quality (according to a study published at Columbia University), but for signs of distress, shyness and lowered gaze of the man in a timely manner.
3. Listening
Although we all like to feel heard and this ability is valued in a generic way (not only in intimate relationships but in any social bond), we must keep in mind that women talk more than men, a fact proven by the University of Maryland. in which they find that there is a higher percentage in the brain of the protein responsible for language, and have a greater need to communicate verbally Thus, a man who knows how to listen is more likely to attract the female sex, while this characteristic is less valued by men.
4. Intelligence
Once again, it is attractive to both sexes, but with a nuance. Unfortunately, Excess intelligence in the case of women can intimidate men as revealed by a study published by the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
5. The sense of humor
A sense of humor is a desirable aspect for both sexes but with a difference: according to a study carried out by Eric Bressler, women pay more attention to men who make them laugh while men They value women who laugh at their jokes more
This is what both sexes share when it comes to flirting techniques.
1. Odors
We know that we are conditioned by the Halo Effect, that is, the first impression is usually important regarding the subsequent assessment we make of someone. Although we cannot modify our physical qualities, we do have a resource to “manipulate” how they are perceived by others to be more attractive: smell.
In fact, we process olfactory stimuli in a brain region that also receives visual information, so that one intervenes in the processing of the other. Cosmetic companies are perfectly aware of the effect that smells have on us and make their perfumes with pheromones to attract the opposite sex.
2. Eye-mouth triangle
Another trick is to look at the eyes-mouth triangle while having the conversation to awaken the sexual desire of the interlocutor, which also works as an indicator of the other’s desire (not so when you only look into the eyes).
3. Repeat the name
Human beings are narcissistic by nature (and I am not referring to the pejorative nature of the colloquial term, but to the psychological concept), because of that need to feel valued and recognized. That is why we like to hear our name pronounced in the mouths of others. Therefore, repeating the name of the person we are addressing and trying to seduce is a powerful bond strengthener.
4. The group effect
Although we tend to seek intimacy when we want to gain someone’s interest, It is better to have the first contacts in a group than alone According to research conducted by psychologist Drew Walker, we are more attractive when we are in a group than in isolation, since common traits are more desirable than rare ones.
By knowing how non-verbal language is interpreted, we can know both the receptivity of the other for their postures and the way in which we have to express ourselves to convey interest. For example, refrain from crossing your ankles or arms during courtship since this gesture denotes doubt in the first case and rejection in the second case.
Another common mistake is to focus on the position of the head during the conversation, when what really gives us a reference to the interest that others have is that the posture of the torso and legs are directed towards us.
A well-known gesture popularly associated with women is touching their hair. More than a sign of interest for them (which too), it is a resource for them, since it works as a powerful attractor of a man’s attention for the woman to touch herself discreetly.
Flirting techniques are not infallible
Having said that, do not lose sight of the fact that although scientific research, the study of the mind and the analysis of our corporality have shed light on some aspects to take into account when flirting, these indications cannot be taken as a dogma since there are many exceptions to the rules.
The art of seduction is something very personal where naturalness and simplicity are the true keys to success.
