Flirting Without Flirting: The 8 Mistakes Of A Beginner Seducer
It’s finally Saturday night! The week has passed, and we have been anxious for the weekend to arrive and to be able to go out and flirt.
Mistake!
Focusing only on flirting will not help us in any case. Excess motivation can affect our effectiveness and will mean that, if we do not achieve our only objective, we will go home alone and defeated. Are you one of those who goes out at night with the sole thought of approaching all the women you meet to see if any of them sting? You are using a wrong, very wrong strategy.
I guess you’re thinking: What the hell is this “flirting without flirting”?
Well, it may seem like a tautology or nonsense, but it is a philosophy that increasingly works for more men who want to meet women. If you continue reading, you will understand why some things work when it comes to seducing girls while others lead us to failure.
8 beginner seducer mistakes and 8 solutions to improve your social skills
Although this statement may seem strange, below we will explain eight mistakes What do we all usually commit when we go out to meet girls? and eight solutions to learn to have fun and not focus on flirting.
1. Go out and flirt
As we have pointed out in the introduction, if we dedicate all our energy and time to flirting and talking to girls, we will be betting everything on a single card and, if we fail, this will affect our self-esteem. Flirting is just one more thing we can do in a social context. An interesting thing, without a doubt, but not the only nor the most important.
We need to keep in mind that It is more positive to go out and have a good time and socialize with all types of people regardless of their sex. Starting to talk to our friends and acquaintances and having fun with them will help us forget about flirting and relax us.
2. There is the girl of my dreams, I am going to leave her speechless by showing off my friendliness and my people skills.
A girl is at the bar with a friend, we are attracted to her and we feel the urgent need to flirt with her. We think of an ingenious way to approach her and impress her and, when we decide to talk to her, we feel fear invade us and paralyze us.
We don’t have to impress anyone We have not come to make fireworks or a spectacle of something as simple as talking to someone. We have to adapt to the social skills we have at that moment. It’s not about liking anyone: it’s about know tosomeone. Important nuance. If we place a lot of importance on interaction, we will most likely be overcome by the fear of failing and doing something wrong. The best thing to do will be to approach that girl immediately with humility and try to have fun with her. A simple helloSometimes it works better than the cleverest phrase in the world.
3. Get out of here!
We have managed to get closer to her; We have her in front of her and we see that she is as beautiful as she seemed from afar. We look at her and notice that she is looking at us serious and tired. The fear of rejection invades us again we turn and leave there in a hurry, before he gives us a borderia or don’t even talk to us and turn our faces away.
Mistake!
We have already pointed out that We should approach a girl to have fun and not to flirt with her But it is likely that, even if we have assumed this concept, we continue to be afraid of feeling rejected. Girls, especially in a nightclub, are used to and saturated with being the target of attention and receive thousands of comments from guys who want to flirt with them. It is normal that they are not happy that “another annoying person” is approaching.
For this reason we have to understand sportingly that many look at us in a hostile way. Let’s not take this into account and forgive your initial reluctance. Let’s keep wanting to have fun and if they don’t accept our open door to fun, they lose it. And if, furthermore, she is rude to us, let us pity her lack of tact; We’ll find someone educated who deserves our attention.
4. You’re sad!
We return, with our group of friends, happy and content because we have unmasked one more unfriendly person. It has not affected us at all and we have also had fun with the failure, but our friends think differently : They tell us that we are ridiculous behaving like this and that we embarrass others; We should do like them and not try to be what we are not. We bow our heads and, in silence, we think that they are right: we swear not to approach a girl again for the rest of the night.
If our friends have paid a ticket to stay drinking, watch life pass in front of their noses and the only thing they know how to do is put a damper on our wheels, it is their problem, not ours. We don’t have to be ashamed of our interest in meeting new people and have fun with it. And if they don’t understand it and keep laughing at us, maybe we should start thinking about who our friends really are.
5. This is a joint
We’ve been in that place for more than an hour, we look around and discover that we don’t like the music they play or the partygoers.
Mistake!
It is important that we choose well the places we go to because our main objective is have fun and feel comfortable. If we don’t like music and feel like we have nothing in common with anyone, we will feel like “weirdos.” Next time we will have to think better about where we want to go. That will make things easier for us. If we have things in common with the attendees, it will be easier to feel like one of them and, probably, we will have more things to share with them and, therefore, it will be easier for us to start a conversation, for example, about tastes and hobbies.
6. I need one more drink
To try to uninhibit ourselves and begin to be more sociable, We invest money and time in drink alcohol
Mistake!
Drinking won’t help us It may make us feel more sociable temporarily, but it will take away our control over ourselves and, if we drink too much, we will only increase our probability of being rejected as drunk. Drinking has to be a social act, not a necessity. Let’s not use drinking as a drug and much less as an excuse for our failures saying “I didn’t hook up because I was too drunk.” Let’s learn to overcome fear without the need for narcotics. Being under adequate control of our social skills will help our assertiveness and ability to relate to others.
7. Sex is the most important thing in the world
There are five minutes left until the club closes, we have met a couple of girls but it is not enough for us: We want to go home accompanied because it’s been a long time since we slept with anyone and, we feel that if we don’t do it, we will be lost because sex is the best thing in the world.
Mistake!
Despair and need They are not attractive at all We have to understand that sex is another incentive in life but that no one has died from not having sex. There are four primary motives that move human beings: hunger, thirst, sleep and sex. If we don’t eat for a long time we die, if we don’t drink for a long time we die, if we don’t sleep for a long time we die and If we don’t have sex for a long time, nothing happens because no one has died from lack of sex and the species is not going to become extinct if we do not have sex.
We have to start valuing other things, besides sex, that make us feel good; like playing sports, having fun with friends, studying, learning to play an instrument… We have to base our self-esteem on things that only depend on us and sex is not one of them. We are not less interesting or less men for not having sex every weekend.
8. I hate girls, they are all the same and I will die alone
We are on the subway, on the way home, alone or accompanied by our friends, and we don’t even have the strength to stand up. We review how the night went and we invest the last bit of strength we have in drawing a single conclusion: I hate girls!
Mistake!
Misogyny and machismo have never been attractive to someone with stable self-esteem and, furthermore, we will be undermining our future interactions. Protecting our self-concept in this way will make us feel good at that moment, but no matter how much we repeat it to ourselves a thousand times we will not be right. Girls might think that about us too. They might think that there are no boys who know how to treat girls and that we all go for the same thing.
We’d better invest our energies in thinking about what we’ve done wrong and how we can correct our mistakes and improve in future interactions. And also, let’s think about the good times ; in which we have laughed with our friends, in that song that we like so much and we have danced as if there were no tomorrow. Let’s be glad that we got closer to a girl and overcame our fears a little more. Let’s be happy that we are becoming more and more like the person we want to become.
Conclusions
In short, we have to learn to go out to have fun and not to flirt Flirt without flirting, should be the slogan of this article. Being afraid of the results will make us give too much importance to a thing as simple and harmless as meeting new people.
Learn to develop our social skills It is a slow process that will probably be full of successes and also failures. Rejoicing in our successes and learning from our failures will help us create a belief system that works in our favor. Flirting is not the most important thing in the world, we have a life full of friends and loved ones that we have to take care of, starting with ourselves.
