FOBU Or Fear Of Breaking Up With Your Partner: 8 Keys To Understanding It
Loving relationships can go through good times, but also bad ones. On many occasions, the conflicts that appear can be resolved with efficient communication or by going to couples therapy, which provides many benefits as you can read in our article “How do you know when to go to couples therapy? “5 compelling reasons.”
But there are dating or married couples who live immersed in a toxic relationship, which can cause psychological problems for its members. In these cases like these, and in which we are aware that it is better for each member of the couple to follow their own path separately, FOBU (fear of breaking up) or fear of breaking up with your partner may appear
How the fear of breaking up with your partner manifests itself
The bonds established between two people in a relationship are diverse and reinforce each other. It’s not just about wanting to be with the other person; We must also take into account aspects such as getting used to doing things together, sharing tasks at home, being in contact with our partner’s family and friends, creating future plans together, etc. All of this makes taking the step of breaking off and ending the courtship or separating and ending the marriage a very difficult decision, even if we know that in realistic terms it is what is best for us in the medium and long term.
Although through reason we know that we must do it, it is difficult to face the emotions that this would produce. And given that, it’s no surprise that many people You are really scared to end the relationship
And leaving a relationship is not easy, since memories can flood our minds again and again and obsession can condition us for a certain time. As we explain in our article “The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug”, leaving a relationship is a grieving process, in which we leave a loved one behind and, furthermore, it is not a linear process, but there are ups and downs. .
The fear of breaking up the relationship can manifest itself in different ways, including:
Why are we afraid of breaking up with our partner?
The process of falling out of love is slow, and it is often difficult to take the step of leaving your partner even knowing that the relationship is not on the right track. Low self-esteem can lead an individual to remain in that relationship despite being suffering, not being able to take the necessary step to change.
But, Why are we afraid of breaking up with our partner? There are different types of fear that make us stay in a relationship when in reality it is better to separate.
1. Fear of uncertainty
One of the most common fears that human beings can experience is the fear of uncertainty, which usually appears when we have to make important decisions or change something in our lives. Not knowing what the future holds can create some anxiety and fear, which is why many people decide to stay in a relationship instead of doing what they really want, which is to leave their partner.
A fear that is closely related is the fear of leaving the comfort zone , that is, to leave that mental place in which we feel stable and safe. This fits with the phrase “better bad known than good unknown.” Staying in the comfort zone does not allow us to grow as people, and this includes leaving a toxic relationship when necessary.
3. Fear of what others will say about us
There is usually a social imposition or shared belief that to be happy we must have a partner and, as a result, get married. However, you can be happy being single. In our article “Is it possible to be single and be happy? The 8 benefits of not having a partner” we explain it to you.
There are people who feel great anxiety about what others will think of them when they find out that they do not have a partner. Something that harms their well-being and can lead them to make wrong decisions.
4. Fear of failure
Another of the most common fears of human beings is the fear of failure. It is characterized by anticipating defeat or the consequences of defeat Feeling like we have failed is a mental trap, because, in reality, failure can be a great opportunity for growth. Fear of failure can cause us to stay in a toxic relationship to avoid feeling like losers.
5. Fear of suffering
Nobody likes to suffer, and heartbreak is characterized by great suffering However, that suffering allows us to learn and grow, and leaving someone, in addition to the pain, can bring excellent opportunities to live a full life in the future. We all experience the fear of suffering, especially in this complicated situation.
Rejection is one of the most difficult situations to live through, because it can hurt us and cause our self-esteem to be affected However, it is something that can happen in life and that we must accept. Just as we will find a new partner, our ex-partner will too.
7. Fear of making mistakes
The fear of making a mistake is that fear that arises from regret, that is, regretting having made a decision This fear is disabling, so we must accept it as part of life. One cannot regret having done something, but rather regretting not having done it.
8. Fear of being single
In our article “Anuptophobia: the irrational fear of being single” we talk about this irrational fear that conditions the lives of many people, and that makes them go from couple to couple without allowing them to experience a period of self-reflection The fear of being single can prevent us from being able to end a relationship that only brings pain. Overcoming the fear of being single is necessary to regain well-being.
