From 'doing Everything Together' to Marking Your Spaces Living as a Couple

There are those who, from an idealized vision of couple relationships, assume that true love consists of going everywhere with the person you love, sharing with them everything that comes to mind, and ultimately, not even Even consider the idea of making plans that don’t include that person.

However, in this type of situation something paradoxical happens: while this way of seeing things can last for months in those who are in the initial stages of dating and do not yet live together, as soon as they start living together in the same home The need to establish limits appears, something that is not always easy to achieve without giving rise to misunderstandings or arguments.

Therefore, in this article we will take a tour of several ideas and useful tips to going from that pretension to doing everything together, on the one hand, to knowing how to set the individual limits of each member of the relationship, on the other And combining the common and the personal in courtships and marriages is essential for the love bond to remain stable, as we will see.

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Why is it good to maintain our individuality in relationships?

The myth of the better half is very widespread, and for this reason, there are many who believe that people involved in relationships become part of a kind of super-organism, as if their minds were united in a kind of consciousness. shared between two. Nothing could be further from the truth: courtships and marriages never cease to be links between two perfectly defined individuals, and as such they continue to maintain their personality, their values, their interests, etc.

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It is true that, in practice, relationships tend to be established between those who have many things in common (the idea that “opposites attract” describes the exception more than the norm) and that because of this many of the Characteristics of these two people will be so similar that they seem to overlap. But it is a mirage. Even in those traits and behavior patterns that are very similar and occur in both, individuality still exists.

Now, as there are some widespread expectations and beliefs that lead to trying the better half model in romantic relationships, this unresolved way of addressing the needs and interests of each individual usually generates a couple crisis. Showing that the need for one’s own space does not exist and that everything must be shared does not make it magically disappear ; She is still there, but without recognition and straining the relationship.

Tips to know how to mark your spaces when living as a couple

Follow these tips to take the step from initially trying to do everything together to accepting and appreciating each person’s individuality by establishing personal limits.

1. Divide free time into activities together and activities separately

To live together as a couple without coordination problems and give rise to misunderstandings due to the fact that have different expectations about what each person will spend their time on, it is advisable to create a schedule that is as detailed as possible. This should not only include each person’s domestic obligations and responsibilities, but should also establish different categorizations for the free time reserved to do things together, on the one hand, and the leisure time in which each person can do their own things on their own. separately, on the other. The latter does not need to be exact, but should include at least a minimum of hours per week in which you both commit to offering each other and yourselves those two forms of free time, without letting one of the types completely absorb the other.

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2. Talk openly about behaviors linked to jealousy if you detect them in the relationship

If problems arise due to jealousy, it is important not to ignore them and talk about what happened, so that you both know it as a problem that should not be normalized. If not, you will get used to validating the idea that one person can have control over the other by influencing aspects that really only concern the latter, and living together will give rise to a toxic relationship based on constant reproaches.

3. Learn assertiveness strategies

A person who never dares to say no will hardly be able to establish and defend his or her personal space in a relationship Therefore, it is important to face this fear of disappointing others and defend one’s own interests without falling again and again into the desire to please others. If it is difficult for you to achieve it, it is advisable to attend psychological therapy to, from there, reinforce assertiveness and self-esteem.

4. Make sure you both participate in organizing the house

Something as simple as not having decided at all about what type of furniture to buy for the apartment in which you live as a couple or the way in which the rooms should be organized can make a person feel like a stranger in their home, something which happens a lot when all decisions of this type are always made by someone who “knows how to decorate.” It is important that both members of the relationship have at least a part of the home that they have designed and that they can use according to their needs.

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5. Avoid the entire social life being reduced to the circle of friends of one of the people

Knowing how to maintain individual spaces in a relationship also involves maintain social ties with friends without generating inequalities and imbalances For example, it is advisable to maintain friend groups on both sides, rather than including one of the members of the relationship in the other’s friend group and letting your entire social life beyond the family be reduced to that.