Guide To Meeting New People: Places, Skills And Tips
It is not a question of being more or less spontaneous, more or less shy or more or less extraverted. Meeting new people is not an easy task
The art of communicating and enjoying the sympathy of other people is complex. Many of us want to have more friends, more people to trust, but the truth is that we rarely put in the work to achieve it, because we believe that it is a way of recognizing that we are alone in this life. Besides, It seems that when we have reached a certain age the “normal” thing is that we already enjoy our gang of friends, but this is not always true. Therefore, in this article we will give you a summary of the general tips to follow to know how to meet new people. Of course, remember that you must adapt these guidelines to your particular case, taking into account your personality and way of life.
There are those who feel that it is difficult for them to connect with others due to their self-esteem problems, but it is common for even those who feel good about themselves to notice that they have problems starting meaningful friendships. The need to create emotional bonds with others has many faces, and the same goes for the discomfort caused by feeling alone or having a poor social life.
The truth is that we all (or almost all) have this feeling that our social life is a little stagnant The circumstances by which we may notice that we do not have as many friends as we would like are varied: we have gone to live in a new city, we have had romantic relationships that have changed the panorama of our social life, we are too immersed in our work, we have accustomed to having a minimal repertoire of colleagues, or simply because we enjoy hobbies a little lonely
You can have a thousand motivations to want to meet more people. The key is to look for environments and situations where you can engage in spontaneous and natural conversations with people who, for some reason, catch your attention.
Sometimes, these types of social situations where everything works in our favor to meet people are not so easy to find. Not to mention that, with each year we turn, it can be a little more difficult for us to make new friends and open ourselves to the world. We need to do our part: you will have to shake off the shame, jump into the spotlight and leave your comfort zone.
To help you in this enterprise of meeting new people and giving new colors to your life, We wanted to prepare this practical guide Here you will find places where you can make new friends, and also tips and communication techniques to make it much easier for you.
When you are looking for places to meet new people, It is best to focus on those places where you are likely to meet the same people repeatedly Valid examples: a sports club, a gym or a cafeteria with a faithful parish. In this way, by frequently going to a place you will have more possibilities of interacting with people who are familiar to you, and it will be easier to meet new people.
Anyway, never forget these tips:
Ultimately, it’s all a matter of time and opening yourself up a little to others. Not all interactions will go as you expect, but little by little you will foster good harmony with the people around you.
More interesting places and environments where you can meet people are the following:
1. Attend a cooking course for beginners (or an English course, or a salsa course…)
If you sign up for classes in something you are passionate about, you are more than likely to make new friends Be careful, it is not advisable for you to attend these classes with the sole intention of making new friends. Simply choose an activity that attracts you in itself, and once you are there it will be easier for you to connect with other people who like the same thing. Dance classes, language classes, cooking classes, painting classes, craft classes… there are many facets in this life that are waiting for you to give them a chance.
If you sign up for, say, German classes, keep in mind that other attendees may be very dedicated to homework and books, and not so much to striking up conversations with other attendees. To combat this, it is a good idea to show up a few minutes early for each class, so you will have time to interact with other students and get to know them a little better.
2. Organize a party and invite friends and acquaintances
If you already have some friends near where you live, It is a great idea to organize a party in your own home You can ask your friends to invite several of their coworkers or people they get along with, and it is very easy for you to connect with new people. Hosting is an added bonus!
3. Your neighbors also exist
Yes, at first glance it may seem unappetizing, but think about it. If you know the people who live near you, you can easily start expanding your circle of friends You just need to be friendly and introduce yourself politely. They will surely like you and, if you are more or less similar in age or have similar hobbies, they will invite you any day to have a beer at their apartment, or to go out to party… who knows!
4. Sign up for an entity with which to develop your hobbies
We all have hobbies and activities that we would like to dedicate more time to. If you have a hobby, it is very likely that you are not alone in the world Your job is to look for an entity or organization with the same interest, and attend the meetings that are held. If you are a fan of video games, ceramics, archery climbing or diving, you will surely find people with the same passion and it will be very easy to start conversations and make plans with them.
5. NGOs and volunteering
If you want to help people with few resources, you can go to a volunteer center and carry out solidarity actions to improve the community. Not only is it a positive thing to contribute to these altruistic causes, but it will allow you to meet people with good values, people willing to lend a hand and who enjoy making new friends. From there you can make friends for life.
Ok, we’ve talked about especially good places to meet people, but let’s be clear: Any place is conducive to meeting nice people and sharing good times with them The most important thing is that you are open to that possibility.
The skills that will allow you to meet new people
We’ve already been talking about where to meet people, but we have not yet had time to explain what our attitude should be if we want to open our social circle. We can all be more sociable, fun and adventurous, you just need to keep reading and apply these principles to your daily life.
1. It’s okay to be nervous
Social skills experts often give the advice that when talking to someone you don’t know, you should come across as confident. Let’s start destroying this myth. If for whatever reason you are not an adept at communication, you are not alone: 80 or 90% of the world’s population also feel nervous when talking to someone we don’t know for the first time
It’s absolutely okay to be a little more nervous than normal. Keep in mind that your interlocutor is more likely to empathize with you if he notices that you are a little nervous, since it has happened to all of us, and you will give the image of being someone who is honest and does not go with masks or impostures. Although hey, that doesn’t mean you should talk scared to death: go easy, show yourself as you are and try to connect with the person you’re chatting with. A trick to dispel nervousness is to focus on what the other person says and does, so you won’t be so focused on yourself.
2. How to start? present yourself
Well, of course, you’re not going to sing him a couplet at the first moment of the interaction, are you? Presenting yourself in a jovial and casual way is a good way to break the ice You can take the opportunity to politely ask the name of the person you are talking to. At that point you will already have a little confidence, but you need to try to be open and ask about what has encouraged you to start a conversation: “I love your dress, where did you buy it?”, “You have very beautiful, am I wrong if I say you are from another city?”, or even something more anodyne like “How was your day?” or “Why are you at this party?”
The important thing is not the thatbut the as. If you are pleasant and polite, any question is good to break the ice and continue promoting a good atmosphere Of course, it’s not a good idea to say you want to make friends, because you could put the other person in a bind, and you’ll be conveying a lot of need. Just be friendly and creative and the other person will want to continue getting to know you.
3. Some questions and ideas to build the conversation
But how to continue interacting; What to say to that person you just met? It is best to opt for contextual comments, that refer to things that are happening in the environment in which you find yourself (how bad the music at the party is, how fun the teacher in the next class is, the opinion you both have about the place…).
Some studies have shown that one of the best questions to start talking to someone is to ask them where they come from. That can trigger a lot of interest and comments. Think about it: we all want to explain our story to someone who wants to listen to it.
More tips and tricks: “25 questions to get to know a person better”
Do you know what active listening is? It is important that you show that you are interested in the person with whom you are having a conversation and that is done by listening carefully.
Also, don’t forget that we all like to have our beliefs reinforced and flattered. Without going overboard and without being false, it is good that you remind your interlocutor of what you like about him or her. It is the easiest way for him to feel valued and comfortable.
5. What is it that links you to your interlocutor?
If your goal is to have a pleasant and fruitful conversation, it is normal for you to ask questions and respond to your interlocutor’s answers. At some point you will realize that you have something in common: a hobby, the soccer team you follow, a television series that you both love, a television program that you can’t stop laughing at… That’s positive, and you can lean on these common points to deepen the conversation
You don’t need to try hard to find things in common at all costs, it’s something that will come quite naturally.
6. Say goodbye cordially and keep in touch
If you have connected with the person you have met, you will feel good and you will notice that the words flow and good feelings. Take the opportunity to ask for their contact information (mobile number, email…) so you can contact them to see you another time.
Keep in mind that you are not friends yet and it is better that the “second meeting” be in a public place and to do some activity that motivates both of you, or simply to have a drink on a sunny terrace. This way the other person will not feel pressured and will almost certainly accept.
How to manage anxiety when meeting new people?
Many of the people who set themselves the goal of making friends or going on dates to start a possible relationship see this experience as a challenge, among other things, because They feel very nervous and anxious at the idea of exposing themselves in this way
And it is not necessary to suffer from social phobia to have a hard time trying to “break the ice” and start a more or less relaxed and fluid conversation; Sometimes it is the fear of rejection, sometimes it is the anticipatory anxiety that makes us anticipate that the words will not come out, sometimes it has to do with believing that we are uninteresting… And often, it will be a mixture of all of that.
If what you find difficult about meeting new people has to do with anxiety, you should take these tips into account:
The solution is always to get used to talking to people you don’t know or know very little: you will have to get out of your comfort zone.
Your way of exposing yourself to these stress-generating experiences should follow a curve of increasing difficulty: first with situations that are not very intimidating, and finally with the type of people who make you most nervous.
The process of adapting to these kinds of conversations will take months; Don’t expect to lose your fear of making friends in a matter of an hour or a few days.
To avoid feeling like you are being judged all the time, take an active role in conversations and ask questions that are not very easy to answer and that reveal important things about the other person.
If you notice that you are not making progress, go to psychotherapy so that a professional can help you deal with your anxiety.
