Has The Fear Of Ghosting Changed The Way We Flirt?
Although it is still possible to meet someone in a bar, it is increasingly common for the way to do so to be through social networks or dating applications. In recent years, mobile phones have become indispensable devices for people’s daily lives: they have become necessary for work, to carry out bureaucratic procedures, to meet friends, and of course, also a lot of flirting. has moved to the virtual plane.
The digital age has brought with it a transformation in the way people seek to get to know someone in sexual-affective terms. Although it is true that this way of relating has its advantages, such as the possibility of contacting friends or even people from the other side of the world in the blink of an eye. chatsphenomena such as ghosting that can illustrate the little emotional responsibility that characterizes the bonds of this era. In this article we will see what this term refers to and If the fear of ghosting has changed the way we flirt
As I mentioned before, after the advent of the internet as the preferred means of relating, the ties of the 21st century have changed drastically. In our times, Bauman already said, the interpersonal relationships we establish are liquid.
Liquid ties tend to be ephemeral Contrary to solid relationships prior to postmodernity—in which the search for establishing shared future projects with another person took precedence, such as perhaps moving in together or starting a family—liquid ties privilege the present, obtaining pleasure and satisfaction. immediate, the freedom of not feeling tied to another. In a higher dimension of analysis, we could observe that what underlies this form of bonding is the primacy of individualism characteristic of consumer societies.
However, the counterpart of the need for freedom in liquid ties is lack of commitment to the other Ghosting is a phenomenon that perfectly illustrates how problematic this trend can be (especially for the ghosted person). But first we need to understand what this word refers to. Ghosting is an Anglo-Saxon term that derives from the word ghost, and refers to the situation in which, when two people have known each other for a while and it seems that they are beginning to develop a certain degree of emotional involvement, poof!, suddenly one of the two disappears completely. You could not answer the other person’s text messages or calls, delete them from their social networks, not appear in the places where both of them normally frequented each other, all this without explaining why.
The lack of emotional responsibility in ghosting
The problem with ghosting is that the person who ghosts—that is, the one who disappears—does not usually give any type of explanation to the other person about it. Consequently, the most common thing is that this person begins to suspect that there is some reason why the other does not want to see him or her anymore, hypothesize about whether he has done something wrong or experience disappointment, anxiety and even guilt.
Furthermore, according to a study carried out by a group of researchers from the Erasmus University of Rotterdam who sought to understand the experience of people who ghost and are ghosted, a high percentage of participants who were ghosted considered that this experience had long-term effects on their mental health affecting their self-esteem and trust in other people.
It is important to emphasize that the person who is ghosted is never to blame for it. Ghosting is an attitude that denotes emotional irresponsibility on the part of the person who carries it out and not of the person who suffers it, since through such behavior they are not considering that their actions will have consequences on the other person. In a couple – although it also applies to any type of bond, whether it is sexual or not – it is normal and expected that disagreements, problems or conflicting interests will eventually arise.
Faced with these difficulties, it is important to maintain assertive communication: express clearly and precisely what the problematic situation is, if there is one, point out which emotions are involved, and also declare what you want from the other person in this regard; as long as you listen to what the other has to say. In the case of ghosting, communication by one of the parties is null or deficient with respect to the other. Conflicts are never expressed and, therefore, whoever is ghosted is immersed in a nebula of unresolved unknowns.
It is valid not to want to bond with someone anymore, whatever the reason: you do not feel the same attraction as before, there are certain attitudes of the other that you do not like, or it could even be simply due to disinterest or boredom, something common in these times. . However, it is necessary to have emotional responsibility to be aware that our actions have an emotional impact on the other and, if you wish to no longer see the other person, it is important to tell them why.
Perhaps it is very difficult for our ties to lose that fragility and “liquidity” that characterizes them, but what we can ensure is that, even if we relate in such a way, we do so in the least harmful way possible.
Has the fear of being ghosted changed the way we flirt?
Taking into account what has been developed, it is possible to determine that yes, it is expected that the fear of being ghosted has changed our way of flirting, especially that of those people who were ghosted in the past.
It is possible that this phenomenon has only increased the tendency to “get involved, but not fully involved” due to fear of giving too much of oneself and the other person disappearing On the other hand, the possibility of being ghosted could lead many people to look for spaces in which to flirt beyond the virtual ones, fundamentally face to face, since ghosting is a practice that is more linked to digital media.
Ultimately, some people might even give up flirting as a result of fear of being ghosted again; They could fall into the trap of considering that this painful experience has to do with some personal defect and not with the fact that the communication on the part of the person with whom they were linked was not responsible. It is for this reason that we consider it important to emphasize the importance of seeking support from a mental health professional if you need it due to ghosting.
