Having children can be one of the happiest experiences in a person’s life, but this is not necessarily the case in 100% of cases. Although in today’s society there is constant pressure for motherhood to be seen as a blessing, something wonderful, and always as something positive, the truth is that there are media voices that are beginning to talk about the less idyllic aspects of motherhood, and we They explain that all that glitters is not gold.
Recently The journalist Samanta Villar has raised controversy due to statements to the newspaper ABC where she expressed that after her recent motherhood she is no happier than before and that having children “is losing quality of life.” The attacks and criticism from social networks for these statements are a clear example of the idealization of motherhood.
But what does science say about the relationship between psychological well-being and motherhood?
One of the areas that the birth of a new family member can influence the most is marital satisfaction The organization of the couple’s system must be reviewed and adjusted, and may even be considered a crisis. This is because that baby needs all the attention possible, and the couple’s relationship takes a backseat.
When it is time to take center stage in the romantic relationship, they appear problems such as loss of intimacy between the couple which can affect communication and sexual relations.
A meta-analysis conducted by Jean M. Twenge, W. Keith Campbell and Craig A. Foster and published in 2003 in the Journal of Marriage and Family shows that the transition to motherhood or fatherhood can:
1. Increase stress
The increase in the number of tasks that the couple has to carry out after the baby is born increases their stress level and generates tension in the relationship The latter is due to the lesser availability of time for communication.
2. Interfere in the relationship
The presence of the new family member can negatively affect the companionship of the couple and their sexual relations
3. Overload roles
By increasing the tasks to be performed, Parents are forced to perform new roles to the point of being overwhelmed by them.
4. Create negative evaluations about marriage
This happens especially in women who have less traditional values
What do the studies say?
The authors argue that there are also cases in which the birth of a baby can produce positive effects in marital satisfaction, therefore indicating that some variables can mediate the relationship.
The meta-analysis consisted of 97 articles, which correspond to a total sample of 47,692 participants. The results showed that:
1. Relationship satisfaction decreases
People with children had lower relationship satisfaction in 90 of the 97 articles analyzed. 55% of people without children indicate that they are satisfied with their relationship, compared to 45% of people with children.
Couples with a greater number of children report a worse marital satisfaction than couples with fewer children
3. It affects women’s satisfaction more
In women, with motherhood decreases satisfaction to a greater extent in the couple compared to men who enter fatherhood.
4. The effect increases with socioeconomic level
The people of high socioeconomic level show lower satisfaction couple than those who are at lower levels.
Consequences for personal happiness
Regarding a person’s happiness when a baby is born, a recent article by authors Jennifer Glass, Robin W. Simon, and Matthew A. Andersson published in the magazine “American Journal of Sociology” analyzing 22 European countries and the US shows that not all countries report lower happiness when people are fathers or mothers.
The US and Ireland are the countries where the least happy parents are found, while in countries such as Finland, Norway, France and In Spain, people who have children are happier than people without children.
The authors of this article argue that the lack of policies in favor of fathers and mothers that help them reconcile family life with work creates greater anxiety and stress for parents, thus decreasing their happiness. The results may seem surprising if we compare the ease of conciliation between the Nordic countries and Spain.
Motherhood is idealized
As we have seen, having children can have negative effects on quality of life of people. The loss of satisfaction in the couple, the effect on people’s sexual lives, stress and anxiety are some of the effects that the arrival of a new family member can cause in people.
Thus, the idealization of motherhood, silencing all these negative effects, does a disservice to people who suffer emotional discomfort due to these important changes that occur with the birth of a baby. It can also cause a false sense that services and aid for family conciliation are sufficient and thus limit the review of government policies in this regard.
Bibliographic references:
Twenge, J.M., Campbell, W.K., & Foster, C.A. (2003). Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analytic Review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65: 574–583.
