Hoovering: What It Is, How It Affects Relationships, And Signs To Detect It
Hoovering consists of a way of acting that a type of person shows with the purpose of manipulating their ex-partner to re-establish a relationship.
It may be difficult to realize or act correctly when faced with this type of action, but there are some signs that can help us realize that we are being victims of hoovering and thus avoid falling into the trap.
In this article we will talk about hoovering seeing what type of subjects usually do it and how to detect when we are being victims of hoovering.
Hoovering is an English term that comes from hoover, a well-known brand of vacuum cleaners. Well, “hoovering” would refer to the action of aspiring or attracting someone with the purpose of starting a toxic relationship again. In other words, the person who performs hoovering He tries to get his ex-partner back to be with her again and establish a toxic relationship again
The way to get back in touch frequently, given the facilities we currently have to get in touch, is usually through a message using communication applications or social networks. In this way, our ex-partner will seek to establish contact with us again, regardless of how much time has passed and without any apparent explanation. It’s usually someone we lost contact with and reappears unexpectedly.
We must also highlight that the way they usually use to get the other person back is usually by showing regret for what happened or how they behaved. That is, they feel guilty about how the relationship ended. But really What this type of action hides is a regret that is not real, there is no intention to make a change or improvement, they intend to get the partner back to start the toxic relationship again. For this reason, it is important to assess what our relationship was like in order to keep in mind how it is likely to develop again.
What are the subjects who try to perform hoovering like?
Although hoovering can be performed by anyone, It is narcissistic subjects who show a greater tendency to behave in this way These individuals present characteristic traits, which if they meet the criteria, we can diagnose narcissistic personality disorder, which is a type of mental disorder. Thus we observe that they are subjects with a high self-esteem, thoughts of greatness, of being the best, they believe they are more special than others.
The relationship with others is not adequate, they manipulate them and take advantage of them, they seek and demand the admiration of others, they express that other subjects envy them when really they are the ones who envy others. Their lack of empathy is also characteristic; they are not able to put themselves in the other’s shoes and understand how they may feel.
They only think about themselves. For this reason, linked to the hoovering action, It is common for them to have toxic relationships jealous, very demanding of their partner, always worried more about themselves than about the other person.
What signs are indicators of hoovering?
Now that we know better what the hoovening action consists of, we will mention some signs that may be indicative that it is taking place. It is important to identify it in order to prevent starting a toxic relationship again, since the results of this type of relationship can be very negative for the subjects who form it and seriously affect their mental health. As we have already said, a first indicator that we must assess is how our previous relationship was, since if we are aware that it was toxic, it is likely that it will be toxic again.
1. Act like the breakup didn’t happen
As we have already mentioned, it is characteristic that subjects who perform hoovering reappear without prior notice and after not speaking or hearing from them for a while. Suddenly they write to us or contact us as if nothing had happened. They act like we’re still together, such as congratulating us on an important celebration. This way of returning catches us off guard.
On the other hand, by acting positively, sensing good intentions, it is easy for them to confuse us and we respond to their message, thus giving rise to establishing contact again.
Another common way of acting is to present oneself as guilty and sorry for what happened. They know that if they express that they are sorry, they will probably be able to convince us so they can be together again. But really this “sorry” is not sincere nor does it show any intention to change. If we compare his current attitude with his behavior during our relationship and see that he surprises us, that he has never shown remorse before, it may be another indicator of possible hoovering.
3. He only tells you nice things
As we have seen, his only intention is to get you back by “sucking you in” and attracting you back to him. For this reason, they will only express good, beautiful things to us, telling us what they like us and what they love us. An already mentioned trait of narcissists is that they do not love anyone but themselves; therefore, These expressions of love are only used to get you to fall into their networks without having the purpose of trying to make us happy.
4. Gives gifts without apparent justification
Just as we unexpectedly receive a message from you, you can also send us a gift, which can sometimes be something personal, thus managing to manipulate us and make us feel that we must return the positive behavior that he is having with us, that we are indebted to him. What he really achieves is putting us in the commitment to act or respond well, if we don’t want to seem like bad people. In the same way that he is playing with our emotions to get what he wants.
5. Remember the good times
Continuing with the dynamic of trying to produce positive and pleasant thoughts and sensations, it will remember and communicate to us the positive moments we experienced, the good things about the relationship, because even the bad things, such as toxic relationships, have some positive memories. In this way, added to other behaviors already mentioned, it is easy for it to generate in us a greater willingness to ignore the negative and start missing being together.
6. He makes a lot of promises
Another change that we can observe with respect to his old attitude or behavior is that he begins to promise us things that he did not even consider doing before, even choosing those promises that he knows will move us the most and stir our feelings.
A “weapon” in his favor is that he knows us and knows what to tell us or propose to us so that we return to him We must also take advantage of this knowledge we have from past experience to realize that their behavior is not real and thus avoid falling into the trap.
7. Communicate with people close to you
In order to get closer to you again, they will try to contact people in your immediate circle, such as friends or family, so that they can tell you that they saw it and that it spoke well of you. This is a way to contact us to get our attention, but without doing it directly so if we refuse to talk to him again he won’t feel so bad nor will his ego feel so damaged.
8. He expresses that he is in a bad moment
Telling us that you have problems, that you have had an accident, that you are not well, generates in us the obligation or commitment to have to help you. We see again how he uses emotional manipulation again, play with our feelings to get us back He may not express to us that he needs help, but his victim role is intended so that we end up helping him.
9. He seems “excessively” interested in you
Receiving attention is not bad, but when This attention comes from someone with whom we don’t have much of a relationship or we haven’t communicated in a while and we receive it excessively, it can indicate to us that you are interested in achieving something. For example, currently one way to communicate or show attention is through social networks, if we see that you “like” all our publications, write us comments and respond to our “stories” it may be an indication that you intend to return to us. recover the relationship and contact with us.
10. Expresses his pain if you do not return
In the same way, they can take on the role of victim, as we already said, expressing that they are in a moment of crisis or that they are not feeling well. You can also play the victim telling us that he couldn’t stand it if we rejected him or we weren’t with him, he could do something crazy. With this behavior he will try to make us feel guilty and bad people if we say no.
