How Can I Communicate Better With My Children? 7 Tips
Communication between people is not always a fluid and easy process to carry out. This can become a problem, especially with the little ones: with children. Do you have the feeling that it is difficult for you to communicate with them? Do you feel like they don’t explain everything you would like to know?
In this article you will find some guidelines that attempt to answer the following question: “how to communicate better with my children?” These are key ideas that can be taken as a small guide so that your communication with them gains quality, trust and transparency.
As you will see, we will try to answer the question of “how to communicate better with my children”, through 7 psycho-pedagogical guidelines. We must take into account that these They must be adapted to the mental age, chronological age and evolutionary moment of each boy or girl as well as their personal characteristics:
1. Put yourself in their place (in two senses)
The first guideline seems simple, although it is not. It’s about putting yourself in his place, from two points of view: the psychological (using empathy) and the physical (sitting next to him, putting yourself at his level).
The second may seem like an unimportant aspect, although it is not; It is very important that the child or adolescent feels understood and heard and this is achieved not only with verbal language, but also with non-verbal language (hence the management of our physical space with it).
Just like adults, children respond a lot to sensations, and these can connect you if the physical distance between you is less; That is why we recommend that you get down to their level, and from there, talk to them.
As for the other aspect mentioned, empathy, this will be essential to improve your communication with them, since through it your child will feel more understood and listened to. So, put yourself in his place, he tries to connect with what he feels at all times, and reach out to him.
2. Look for spaces for communication (and time)
Another important aspect to take into account in order to improve communication with your children is to look for and encourage spaces for communication with them. This includes not only finding pleasant and quiet physical spaces to do so, but also moments (time). After all, the best thing we can give to our children is our time.
A good idea is to find a fixed day a week to do it, create that space, for example before or after dinner, where the objective will be to share the experiences of the day, the emotional state, possible worries, satisfactions, needs, etc.
This space can also be shared by other family members. The important thing is to communicate and make the conversation flow from respect, acceptance and love.
3. Use concrete language
The next guideline on how to communicate better with your children is to use direct, specific and concrete language.
Children (especially when they are younger) do not find it easy to understand abstract language ; This is why we can often feel that “they don’t understand us,” or even that “they don’t listen to us.” This has an easy solution; Try using more concrete language with them, with more direct ideas, without preambles or “ornaments.”
This will be especially useful when you have to talk about limits, guidelines, behaviors you expect from him/her, good habits, obligations, etc.
In the more emotional field, on the other hand, we can always increase the level of abstraction in our language a little, because it is also important that they do not stop learning this type of language and vocabulary (especially as they get older).
4. Don’t take anything for granted; ask
We often and mistakenly take for granted many things that are not really how we initially conceived them. This happens to all of us and to a certain extent it is normal; However, this fact can make communication with our children difficult, since, By assuming things that are not, we often do not ask, and misunderstandings end up being generated
So the next guideline is this: ask whenever you need to, and don’t take anything for granted.
This will help you promote more real communication with them, more effective, transparent and fluid. In addition, it will make it easier for them to also ask you when they have questions about a topic in question.
5. Don’t judge him and avoid quarrels
The following advice should be specified; It is not about never scolding your children when there is something they are not doing well (although we opt more for psychoeducation techniques, where what they do do well is reinforced and behavioral alternatives are offered when there is inappropriate behavior).
What it is about, then, is avoid tending to fight “by system”, and to avoid judging the behavior of our children. There will be things that we will like, that we will think they can do better, and they will even test us and challenge us… but, in these cases above all, we must try to remain calm.
In relation to the previous guideline, what alternatives to judging behavior can we use with them? For example, making them see that their behavior is not appropriate (when this happens), through dialogue and exchange, not through authority, punishment or quarrels
Children, like everyone, need alternative behaviors to improve their current behavior; That is why it is not enough to scold or punish, and we must try to use strategies that promote real and deep change in them. So, don’t just tell them “don’t do this”, and use phrases like “do this” (X thing).
7. Remember when you were a child
Remember your childhood, your adolescence… What did you expect from your parents? Did you feel like you could talk to them, or did you often feel like you were talking “against a wall”?
What do you wish had been different, to open up more to them? All these questions can connect you with the current situation, and can help you empathize with your children. Are you too nosy or invasive at times? Do you often seem distant?
Do this small reflection exercise so that, through these questions and answers, you can try to think about how to improve your communication with them: remember that, In addition to being a father or mother, you can try to be their “friend” and a support for them
