One of the reasons for consultation that we find recurrently in therapies is decision making People go through different periods of doubt throughout our lives. When these doubts appear in significant topics, the process of getting rid of those doubts and making a decision can become tedious and complex.
Some examples are: starting or leaving a relationship, changing a partner, starting, leaving or changing a job, breaking a relationship or bond with a family member or friend, having children, changing house, city, lifestyle, etc. . It is in these types of decisions where the person may find themselves blocked or dulled and need help.
There are people more prone to indecision and suffering in these processes of doubt, due to their personal characteristics. This is the case of insecure people, who tend to be indecisive They often think that they can make mistakes easily, or that they will not be able to adequately manage the consequences of their decisions. They approach the decision-making process from anxiety and fear, which makes it difficult to be reflective. Furthermore, they tend to ask for advice excessively, feel dependent on the opinions of others, which can be very varied as they are totally subjective, so they enter a spiral of indecision from which it is increasingly difficult for them to get out, the more they ask. to the people around them “what they would do”.
Very perfectionist people also tend to be more focused on making decisions This is because they do not usually allow themselves to doubt. They are required to always have clear ideas, sometimes they have an “extreme” vision of things. Therefore, doubting generates a lot of frustration in them, wanting to get out of that state as soon as possible. Furthermore, they consider that whatever they try must turn out well, so decision-making becomes very anxiety-inducing when they demand that the decision they make be the most correct, or even the “perfect” one. They fear making mistakes, which can make them feel stifled in the decision-making process.
What can we do to make better decisions on a daily basis?
We tend to feel safer in certainty and stability, so our brains tend to interpret significant changes in our lives as threatening. So complex decisions, on issues important to the person, are usually accompanied by emotions such as uncertainty, discomfort, insecurity, doubts, and even some anxiety and fear.
Therefore, we indicate some ideas that we usually work on in therapies, which will help you manage your doubts during the process until you make the decision you are going to make:
1. Assume that deciding is normal
Throughout the day we make a multitude of decisions, most of them “automatic.” Therefore, you are able to make decisions. In each one you take, you lose something and you gain something. For example: do I go for a run in the morning or in the afternoon? Should I go to the movies or with my friend on the weekend? If you go running in the morning, by not running in the afternoon you may miss out on the possibility of going with your friend instead of alone, because he would have proposed it to you a few hours later. If you go to the movies, you may waste two hours of your life watching a movie you don’t like instead of enjoying that time having a drink with your friend. So reduce your fear of taking sides in your decisions. You do it constantly, and surely in most of them you don’t consider the consequences or you simply assume them.
That is, any decision will entail risks, and above all, you will lose something as mentioned above. Decisions are easier to make when you accept what you lose, when you agree to “pay the price” that comes with making that decision instead of another. Therefore, there is no single way to do things right (and wrong), and of course, there is no perfect way.
3. Assess your behavior by focusing on the present
Once you have eliminated the pressure of having to make the “perfect” decision, and assuming that in every decision you lose and gain something, keep in mind that The decision you make is the best one you can make at this moment, in the present, with the information you now have available, and being your current self. Do not judge yourself for deciding what you decide today, because it is surely the best thing you can decide from your current self.
4. Take into account the emotional part in decisions
That is, visualize yourself having made a decision, and Observe how you will feel, what things will happen on that path you take Do the same with the other decision. That way, you will be able to feel in a way similar to how you will feel in each scenario, and from there, make a decision in the present taking into account the option that gives you the best sensations. Either because it is the safest option, or the one that brings you the most calmness, or the one in which you feel you will enjoy the most, etc.
5. Learn from your own behavior
Think about how you have made other decisions in your life and what consequences they have had Also, how you have faced these consequences. You will realize that you surely feel more comfortable making decisions under a type of criteria that, for whatever reason, are usually the criteria that you use. You will also notice that whatever the consequences are, you have faced them in other decisions in your life.
Finally, do a rational analysis of the options. Evaluate pros and cons, advantages and disadvantages of each option you have in mind Once you have this analysis done, observe your values, that is, under what criteria, you usually evaluate the things that happen to you. That is to say, if for you a very important value is “doing the right thing”, the option that has the most “pros” relative to doing the right thing, or the option in which the right thing has the greatest weight, is the one in which you are probably most comfortable. you’re going to feel If, for example, a very important value for you is “fun and stimulation,” evaluate your options and their pros and cons under that criterion. In addition to one option having more pros than another, it is necessary to evaluate which pros are more important or which cons I am not so willing to give up according to my values.
To end…
Remember that when you start to doubt, a path opens up that you have to follow. Don’t be in a hurry to get things clear You will probably never be 100% clear that your decision is the best option for you, but as you walk, sometimes with professional help, that path of doubts, you will resolve them until you manage to have a reasonable percentage of security towards a side than to the other.
Time alone does not usually help you decide, but this does not mean that you have to make a decision the first day you have doubts. Doubting is smart, stopping and reflecting is necessary.
