How Can I Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Value Me? 4 Tips
For better or worse, love is something that comes unexpectedly It does not listen to reasons or rational calculations of what is best for us from a realistic perspective. It simply comes with falling in love, like a wave of emotions, and it transforms our way of experiencing life in a matter of days or a few weeks.
Therefore, there is nothing that prevents unrequited love from appearing, or a clearly asymmetrical one in which one part of the couple gives a lot and the other does not invest too much time, effort or affection. So, many people end up asking themselves a classic question: How can I stop loving someone who doesn’t value me? In the following lines we will develop precisely this topic.
As we have seen, although relationships are composed (or should be composed) of two people who love each other and who form an emotional bond, love can perfectly occur unilaterally. Loving someone does not imply that that someone loves us, as many people painfully discover throughout their lives. But that does not mean that we should resign ourselves to passively suffering the consequences of that disappointment.
It is true that one cannot directly manipulate one’s own emotions, but we can take several measures so that the bad moment passes as quickly as possible and we can direct our focus on life projects that do allow us to be happy.
Thus, the key is not to begin to hate or despise the one who has not corresponded to us, but simply to stop making it a priority to spend time with or thinking about that person Requited love does not stop hurting overnight, but if we do not feed it by turning it into an obsession and through rumination, its psychological repercussions and relevance will simply be extinguished in a matter of weeks.
How to stop loving someone who doesn’t value you
To learn how to continue on your path without obsessively worrying about whether someone doesn’t love you, follow these steps.
1. Avoid reminders
As much as possible, avoid exposing yourself to contexts that bring back memories related to that person. Do it reasonably, since in practice it is impossible to avoid this type of stimulus. Take into account the most relevant ones, and adopt habits that do not make you think about them.
For example, change bars to go for a drink on the weekends, or go for a walk in other places. In the same way, It is good that at first you do not have contact with that person although that does not mean that you should adopt a hostile relational dynamic with her.
2. Adopt a distanced perspective
In almost any situation it is possible to adopt a distanced perspective that allows us to analyze what is happening in a more calm and objective way. This is very useful when working on love problems, since it helps to discard the idea that the psychological pain we feel faced with the frustration of not feeling loved describes what we are worth.
Thus, it is a way to have a more realistic and reasonable view of oneself, one that is not subject to the pessimistic biases that appear when experiencing heartbreak due to rejection by someone who does not value us.
Ultimately, that person does not know us in a complete and exact way: their way of perceiving us is conditioned by the way in which we have interacted with them, which in turn is a way of interacting that we have not used with others. people and that in fact it does not have to be the same as what we do when we are alone.
3. Think about what you know about yourself that the other does not know
Make a list of positive things you know about yourself that you think the person who doesn’t value you enough doesn’t know. The objective of this is not to prepare a list of arguments to convince her to love you, of course, but a reminder that beyond the image of you that reflects the way in which that person relates to you, you have many strong points that you should not forget
4. Give yourself time
It is important not to set unrealistic goals for how long it should take to recover emotionally. If you think that in three days you will be fine and this does not happen, That can make you more obsessed with the problem making it last longer.
Therefore, it is best not to set a temporary goal that marks a time when you should feel good. Instead, set daily goals that have nothing to do with feeling one way or another, but with taking certain actions that lead you to get excited about other projects in company or alone.
