How Do You Know If You Have Developed Emotional Dependence?

One of the most frequent problems that appear in love relationships has to do with the fact that, when we are involved in one, we often lose the ability to see the problems that arise in it, the way in which they harm us.

This is clearly seen in cases in which someone subjugates their partner through actions that can be classified as abuse (even if there is no physical violence), but on other occasions the negative influence that the relationship has on someone is more subtle and difficult to detect.

In practice, in many of these cases what is known as emotional dependence appears; There is a person who does not consider living apart from that emotional bond, and who therefore desperately tries to ensure that this relationship does not end, even if that makes the problem worse. Therefore, here we will see a small summary about How to know if you have developed emotional dependence on a person and what to do.

How do you know if you have developed emotional dependence in a relationship?

We all behave, at least in part, based on our beliefs about who we are, what our lives are like, and what we are capable of doing. This set of beliefs is part of what in Psychology is known as “self-concept”, which as its name indicates, is the concept we have of ourselves, and which is linked to our self-esteem.

Now, although everything that makes up our self-concept is self-referential (because everything points to ideas that we have about ourselves), it does not arise in our mind independently of what is happening around us. In fact, Most aspects of our identity as individuals are formed through the way we relate to others

This is not in itself a bad thing, because a self-concept detached from our social life would be totally irrelevant and meaningless, since it would not allow us to have almost any point of reference to know who we are and what characterizes us. However, this two-way exchange between our self-concept and the society that surrounds us exposes us to situations in which, if we are not careful, we can fall into emotional dependence, among other problems. This happens when everything we think we know about ourselves and our future plans become totally linked to one person

Here we will see some warning signs that will allow you to know if you have developed a clear emotional dependence, although keep in mind that not all of these conditions need to be met to experience this problem. Furthermore, in this case we will focus on relationships between adults.

1. You seek the approval of that person to be able to exercise your fundamental rights

This is one of the clearest signs that there is a strong emotional dependence. It is reflected in the need to obtain the “permission” of another person before being able to exercise basic rights, such as talking to another person, eating, buying something with our own money, etc.

2. You perform “compensatory” behaviors constantly and without need

For those who develop emotional dependence, it is normal to take actions to “reward” the other person for continuing in that relationship, even if there is no reason to make those offers nor does it make sense to try to redeem yourself for something specific. It is not so much about giving gifts, whether tangible or intangible, simply to make that person happy, but rather, We try to mitigate the fear produced by the idea that the relationship will stop compensating the other person and they will leave our side

3. You try to hide the negative aspects of the relationship

So that the relationship is not destabilized by the pressure of others, those who develop emotional dependence often try to hide the negative consequences of always trying to stay with that person sometimes going to the extreme of lying.

For example, if we have gone to buy a type of clothing that we do not particularly like to fit with the other person’s tastes and someone asks us about that sudden change in “look”, we will make up a story about how we have changed our tastes. .

4. You try to prevent jealousy

Another characteristic of emotional dependence, in this case in the world of relationships, is that one tries not to give the other person reasons to be jealous.

This implies not interacting in a normal way with people who may be perceived as a threat to the stability of the relationship It is not the same as not being unfaithful, since in this case we go to the extreme of not performing actions that would be normal even if we do not feel sexual interest in the person with whom we refuse to relate: talking, asking a question, etc.

5. You assume that important decisions are always made by the other person

Another characteristic aspect of emotional dependence is that, since you have assumed that it is the other who has the power, you assume that they always make the important decisions. That is to say, the criterion for knowing who decides what decision to make is not based on rational criteria such as: who has more experience on a topic or who has a clearer idea about what to do, but rather everything revolves around the roles of can.

Are you looking for help to get out of a situation like this?

If you think you are going through a problem of these characteristics and are looking for professional support to overcome it, I invite you to contact me.

I am a Clinical Psychologist with many years of experience helping all types of patients, and both in my office located in Almería and through online therapy, I can help you gain autonomy and assertiveness to better manage your emotions, both in individual therapy and in couples therapy. To see my contact details, click here.