How Does Emotional Dependence Work And Limit Our Relationships?
Emotional dependence involves an excessive need to maintain a relationship at any cost.
This thought and way of acting, far from benefiting the relationship, harms it, also affecting the state of the dependent individual, since it usually facilitates the appearance of symptoms of stress, depression and anxiety.
In this article We will see how emotional dependence works and is perpetuated and how it limits relationships
Emotional dependence is a pattern of behavior that affects both the cognitive, affective and behavioral part of the individual. People who suffer from it are individuals who find it difficult to make their own decisions and assume responsibilities, and they show an irrational fear of being left by their partner (or the person to whom they have developed that emotional connection), a fact that will mean that they do not act or say what they think for fear that the other person will feel bad. They are also people who fear being alone, since they believe that they will not know how to take care of themselves.
In this way, it is common for dependent people to show low self-esteem, which will depend on the other person and not on how one sees oneself, insecurity about acting in many areas of their life, irrational fears most linked to the fear of being left. or being left alone, the need to please, distrust and feeling of emptiness that they try to fill by having a partner.
Emotional dependence is a characteristic feature that appears in different psychological disorders This pattern is typically observed, for example, in personality disorders, specifically in borderline personality disorder, where the individual feels an irrational fear of being abandoned, although the most characteristic disorder that presents this mode of behavior is dependent personality disorder. As their name suggests, they show all of the aforementioned attributes, such as an unrealistic fear of being abandoned, of being alone, of not knowing how to take care of oneself or of not being able to make one’s own decisions.
Thus, the way of being of dependent people will affect the type of relationship they maintain, thus entering a loop where these types of people look for a specific type of relationship which ends up reinforcing the way of being of the dependent individual. That is, your thoughts are confirmed and you continue to act with the same behavior and presenting the same emotions.
Thus, They tend to be people who idealize relationships, who conceive them as romantic relationships, where you must suffer for love, to show that you love the other person. Within the couple, each one will assume a role, one being the dominant one and the other, the dependent person, will be the submissive, these roles entail peculiar behaviors in each one, in the case of the submissive he will act according to what pleases his partner or he will wait for the partner guide you in your decisions or behaviors, as we have seen is a characteristic feature of dependents.
Jealousy is also common. As we have said, it is common for these types of people to show insecurities in different areas of their lives, especially in relationships. This characteristic, added to the excessive fear they have of being left, causes thoughts to appear in them. unfounded that they are cheating on you and your partner will go with someone else, these ideas becoming obsessive and repetitive. Likewise, they behave in a controlling manner, constantly asking what the other person is doing or monitoring where and who their partner is with.
Related to jealousy is the tendency to constantly think that “he is going to leave me” and the belief that love entails suffering, they also tend to adopt victimizing behavior, they will believe and claim that they are insufficient, show low self-esteem, and that for this reason they do not receive what is expected or required from the other. It is common to use phrases like “I am not important enough to you, because if I were you would/wouldn’t.”
The fear of losing a partner also entails difficulties or fear of communicating what they feel or think. It is common for them not to express what they really want, always being vigilant about how it may sit with the other person, thus losing the spontaneity of action. Linked to this problem or lack of communication, there is a difficulty in facing or solving problems, by not transmitting how we really feel, not saying what we want to say for fear that the relationship will end, it does not allow us to resolve conflicts, a fact that will end up having an impact on the couple.
As we have already seen, it is common for these individuals to relate love with suffering, that is, they believe that to show affection or to be in a relationship you have to suffer and sacrifice continually. They will understand that loving a person means having a hard time and suffering constant worry, this being the true feeling of being in love. But far from reality, they will only manage to develop a toxic relationship where neither of them will be able to be truly happy.
How does this phenomenon limit relationships?
Given the intensity or close bond that they create with their partner, they are very hermetic relationships, which tend to isolate themselves from other people, both family and friends, their life becomes and depends entirely on life as a couple and being alone. with him, a fact that, as expected, entails a loss or difficulty in forming new relationships. So that, They disappear from the social sphere, they stop socializing, focusing exclusively on their partner
Thus, linked to the conception of romantic love, they will also believe in the need to find their better half, that is, they feel incomplete if they are not with someone, similarly showing possessive thinking, where each member of the couple belongs to the another, dedicating himself, as we already mentioned, exclusively to the other, prioritizing him above all and thus entailing isolation from the rest of the people.
Another very characteristic aspect is the loss of one’s own individuality, of you as an independent individual and separate from others. The fear of abandonment, the need for them to choose and make decisions for you, isolation, focusing only on your partner and forgetting or ignoring your own thoughts, tastes, preferences… entails a loss of your own identity, you focus, worry and They act exclusively for the other, even ceasing to look out for themselves, always placing themselves in second place and being nullified as a self-sufficient and autonomous person.
For the reasons already given, it will be unthinkable for them to leave someone, since Your life depends completely on that individual and they do not conceive of a life separate from them. They prioritize the couple before any aspect and, therefore, despite not being one hundred percent well or happy, they will never decide to end the relationship.
In this way, all these attitudes, actions or way of understanding relationships will be counterproductive for the relationship to be beneficial. The high degree of dependence that you have on your partner can produce the opposite effect, causing the other person to distance themselves due to the permanent and intense demand that is made of them. Furthermore, the continuous reproaches and need for exclusive attention requested by the dependent person can end up developing conflicts and problems that lead the other member of the couple to decide to break up.
Likewise, the individual with emotional dependence will not be happy or feel comfortable either, presenting emotional imbalances and high energy expenditure directed exclusively at the couple which is related to symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression that can end up leading to a disorder.
In extreme cases, given the characteristics of the dependent person, the tendency to look for a type of partner with traits of dominance, who controls and decides for them and the type of relationship where suffering and sacrifice is normal and habitual, can end up leading to a situation of abuse, where the dependent individual, despite being aware and realizing it, does not react or is able to end the relationship.
