How Does Feeling Rejection From Others Affect Teenagers?
Emotional well-being is, in large part, dependent on how we feel about ourselves, about our identity. In other words, our state of mind and our ability to be happy does not come only from the emotions that our interpretation of what is happening around us produces in us; It also has to do with how we interpret who we are.
In fact, the concept of the “I” that is formed in the mind of each person is one of the most important psychological elements, because it is always linked to a set of very intense feelings: practically no one is capable of thinking about their own identity. in a totally neutral and dispassionate way. However, this self-esteem is also linked to how we believe others perceive us, and this is something that is especially relevant in our first years of life, during childhood and adolescence, the stage in which we are most impressionable and insecure about ourselves. about us. That is why Feeling rejected by others at this age is usually psychologically devastating
Why is the experience of rejection so harmful in adolescence?
Virtually no phase of life offers us total protection against the discomfort caused by feeling rejected by others; Not even the experience of decades relating to other people makes us immune to that type of emotional pain. But, in practice, minors are especially vulnerable to these types of situations. In the case of adolescents, two factors combine to work against them in this sense.
On the one hand, young people of these ages They still do not have much security to know what they are capable of, to know their limits and potential talents in different aspects of life, and that is why when it comes to configuring their self-concept and self-esteem they rely a lot on others; Just as they need the help of educators to learn about the world, they also feel that they must pay attention to how the people around them interact with them to learn about the “Self.”
On the other hand, adolescents are in a stage of life in which They place a lot of importance on gaining the acceptance or even the admiration of others and feeling that they fail in this endeavor is not only frustrating, but it can lead to the idea that they are “losers”, undesirable individuals who have nothing to contribute.
If, in addition, the adolescent feels rejected not only in the circle of young people of his age in which he moves but even in his own family, whether by his mother or his father, the experience of not having no shelter, no social safety net. This, at an age when the world is still intimidating and you need a space in which to feel protected and to return to in case of a problem or crisis. In this regard, situations in which adolescents feel rejected almost always give rise to mental health problems.
What effects can feeling rejected have during adolescence?
Although the psychological complications derived from this can be very diverse, the most common are those that we will see here.
Adolescents tend to project many of the frustrations linked to low self-esteem onto their bodies; that is Unable to understand exactly why they are experiencing rejection, they largely blame their physical appearance This can give rise to insecurities that lead the person to adopt measures to isolate themselves even more socially, and in the most extreme cases, facilitate the appearance of Eating Disorders.
2. Dynamics of self-punishment
Many adolescents feel that the only thing they have left is to punish themselves, both to deal with the feeling of guilt so common in people who have destroyed self-esteem, and to establish a last attempt to connect with others by asking for help indirectly. . Sometimes these types of behaviors even lead to the emergence of a self-harm routine which end up consolidating not so much to purge the feeling of guilt, but directly to escape from the present through pain.
3. Adoption of tribal identities to hide their individuality
Many young people try to avoid this feeling of rejection by others by adopting predefined collective identities, especially in the form of urban tribes. It’s a way to let stereotypes and clichés speak for yourself, so you don’t have to really expose yourself to others.
4. Drug use
Unfortunately, drug consumption increasingly occurs at younger ages in societies like Spain. Adolescents with self-esteem problems see these practices as a way to escape on the one hand, and a social context in which to make friends without exposing themselves so directly to criticism and ridicule, since they go to situations in which everyone is expected to drink alcohol, consume marijuana, and in short, “ be placed.”
Given that the adolescent does not intend to please others through effort and medium and long-term projects, normally has little incentive to try hard in school, and focuses on trying to alleviate his discomfort through short-term measures The exception to this is in some cases of young people who feel rejected not by their friends, but mainly by their parents, and try to fight this feeling of alienation by constantly sacrificing themselves to get good grades.
Do you want to have psychological assistance for families?
If you are interested in professional psychological help in the form of family counseling or therapy for adults or young people, please contact me.
Am Ester Fernandez, coach, psychologist (registered no. 16900) and Director of Psychoconsulting; I offer my services in person or online.
