It is very common to assume that to achieve emotional well-being, it is necessary to achieve a series of goals throughout our life path. From this point of view, feeling good about ourselves is equivalent to what we usually understand by being successful in life. However, this does not correspond to reality for two main reasons.
Firstly, because well-being does not come to us simply by achieving conventional goals that have to do with prosperity in socioeconomic terms; These are relatively few, they are not very varied, and they are almost always imposed on us. And secondly, because if we limit ourselves to wanting to achieve one goal after another, we are not able to stop and think about what made us set those goals in the first place, and that can strain the rope of our mental health so much that it ends up breaking. .
The truth is that pIn order to be emotionally well, it is essential to accept ourselves something for which it is key to undertake a process of self-knowledge.
When we talk about the concept of self-knowledge, it is easy to reach the easy conclusion that it has to do with knowing our own physical and/or psychological characteristics, as if it were a question of filling out a descriptive sheet using adjectives and objective measurements.
Of course, this explanation contains a part of truth, but it is insufficient and gives a biased vision of what it really means to know ourselves.
In reality, self-knowledge does not only consist of having a series of textual information memorized (that is, it can be expressed in words) about who we are; It also includes a strong emotional charge about the concept of “I”. That is to say, what makes us feel our own identity Beyond the etymology of the term “self-knowledge”, it has to do with being aware of how we are in the present, with everything that this implies.
Now, reaching a state of balanced and fair self-knowledge with ourselves is not easy. Since everything that has to do with the “I” has such important implications for us, It is common for us to fall into very extreme and biased conclusions which leads us to circular reasoning based on self-confirmation: “I am of no use, so it is not worth undertaking that project that I would like to carry out”, which leads to “I am of no use because I do not care”. “I dare to face any project that motivates me.”
That’s where acceptance comes into play. Accepting ourselves involves knowing how to recognize our limitations and imperfections while not giving them more power than they have, and it also involves not always acting desperately in an effort to overcompensate for what we perceive as defects that make us complex.
So, Self-acceptance helps us have a realistic vision rich in nuances about what we can expect from ourselves, and this is essential to not be afraid of the task of knowing all our facets. At the same time, self-knowledge also enhances self-acceptance, managing to enter into a dynamic of mutual reinforcement between both processes. Let’s see how this happens.
Why does self-knowledge allow us to accept ourselves?
These are the different ways in which knowing ourselves makes it easier to accept ourselves as we are.
1. It allows us to get rid of limiting beliefs with a pessimistic bias
Self-knowledge is about questioning the beliefs about the “I” that we have been holding even though some of them lead us to self-sabotage and they are problematic.
At the same time, it helps us detect explanations that are too biased towards pessimism about the consequences of our actions, such as those that lead us to blame ourselves for everything bad that happens to us. We must not forget that assuming that pessimism is the most realistic framework of interpretation is still an easy and predictable way of analyzing reality.
2. It helps us see the learning opportunities in our imperfections
Self-knowledge makes us lose the fear of keeping our imperfections in mind because, among other things, it implies that Being aware of them can bring us good things It makes it possible to learn from mistakes and foresee where complications may arise in any project we consider, so that we are able to better plan what to do in each case.
3. It makes it easier to distinguish between what is beyond our control
On the other hand, self-knowledge allows us to outline the contour of everything in which we have control to separate it from what does not depend on us. This makes it easier be at peace with ourselves in the face of memories of emotionally painful or even traumatic situations
4. Helps us understand our limitations and the anxiety problems we may suffer
Self-knowledge goes hand in hand with not seeing as something to be ashamed of the moments of emotional vulnerability that we can go through, or even anxiety problems. And this, in turn, helps us to have a more stable self-esteem, since it frees us from the fear of “what will they say” and frees us from the tendency to evaluate in moral terms what we feel about what happens to us.
At the same time, having a more balanced self-esteem adjusted to reality makes it possible for us to adapt better to the challenges that life poses to us and, in this way, we establish a healthier relationship with stress and anxiety, two completely natural phenomena that do not have to be seen as a problem in all cases.
You may be interested: “What is anxiety: how to recognize it and what to do”
Do you want to learn the keys to self-esteem and self-knowledge through Mindfulness?
My name is Lorena Irribarra , I am a psychologist and certified Mindfulness instructor, and I offer you an 8-week MBSR Mindfulness and self-leadership program to learn to better know your potential and better manage your emotions in the face of the challenges you set for yourself and the personal relationships you experience in your day. a day. It can also offer you psychotherapeutic support for anxiety problems, low mood, poor anger management, codependency, addictions, and more.
