Have you ever been told that you are too late, or that you react too nervously to stressful situations? How did you feel when you received this criticism? Many people have difficulty accepting the comments they receive because they feel attacked or undervalued, but criticism (as long as it is constructive) can help us improve as people. In this PsicologíaOnline article, we give you some tips to know how to accept criticism from otherswe want to explain which criticisms you should accept and which ones to ignore. We also tell you how to take advantage of the criticism you receive to become the person you want to be.
Why are there many people who do not accept criticism?
There are many people who feel nervous, disappointed or angry when a close person tells them what they don’t like about them. Patricia Benito Castro, clinical psychologist at Help Psicología and specialist in cognitive-behavioral therapy, explains to us why this difficulty in accepting criticism is due.
“Accepting and giving criticism or praise is a social skill that not all people have. If we have difficulty accepting criticism it is because we feel some kind of insecurity “It hurts us to hear criticism,” Benito remembers.
“If we are sure of ourselves there is no reason to be offended, and if we feel that the criticism is not fair we can defend ourselves assertively,” he tells us. When we feel that a criticism affects us a lot, we should ask ourselves what our reaction is due to and what really bothers us about the comment we have received because, as Benito indicates, our reaction could also be due to the person who criticized us or the person who criticized us. moment in which we have received the criticism.
Should I accept all the criticism I receive?
The key is in pay attention to criticism that could us become better peopleand ignore negative comments about our traits, skills or attitudes that do not bother us or that we do not consider negative. The key is, therefore, identify constructive criticism and only pay attention to these types of comments.
“Many times the criticism is not stated in an assertive way but rather comes from the rage or anger of the other person. That is why the first thing is to ask that the person generate criticism from a place of respect and to specify, without generalizing, attributes of the other person,” Benito reminds us. To help us differentiate unnecessary criticism from constructive criticism, the clinical psychologist compares the generalization “you are always late” with the constructive comment “you are often late and that makes me feel bad.”
Benito reminds us of the importance of making criticisms with respect, and of Learn to accept respectful criticism.
The psychologist also points out that criticism from people who don’t really know us, or who are not very important people to us like our family and close friends, is not as constructive. Criticisms that do not meet these requirements “surely come from a specific fact and tend to generalize me. If we care about the person, we should listen to them because usually there is always some truth. Maybe we are not often aware of our actions and it is good that sometimes we are informed.”
Tips for accepting criticism from others
We have explained why many of us have difficulty digesting the negative comments we receive, and we have compared constructive criticism to criticism that we do not have to pay attention to because it will not help us. Now is the time to figure out how to improve our ability to react positively when someone tells us that we should try harder at our work, or that we should leave home early to make it to our appointments on time.
Stay calm. Benito recommends that we “maintain a neutral tone of voice when faced with criticism,” and reminds us that “the lack of emotions when faced with criticism that we do not care about is also acceptable.” Instead of appearing upset and extremely affected by criticism, we should reflect on the comment.
Listen to the person who criticizes us. We all like to hear what our loved ones like about us, and it is much harder for us to hear what they don’t like, but these comments can help us become better people. “The best thing is to listen to the person, understand their frustration, ask for information and specify,” Benito recommends. Only if we listen to the person who criticizes us can we learn from his criticism.
Choose between two variables. The two variables we have are, according to Benito, accepting the part of reality or not accepting it. In the second case we can express our disagreement.
Avoid less than positive reactions. The psychologist tells us that reacting aggressively to a negative comment about us, and reacting with too much passivity and indifference, are two examples of reactions that will not help us. “If we really care about the criticism and the person, and we remain silent out of fear or shame, it would be as bad as shouting, insulting, or counterattacking with another criticism,” she reflects.
Find out why it is difficult for us to accept criticism. If we too often feel hurt or aggressive when told what we don’t like to hear, it may be that we don’t have enough self-confidence. In these cases it is important to value everything we like about ourselves and discover everything we would like to change about ourselves.
Change our concept of criticism. If we love being told what they like about us, but get angry when they identify our flaws, it will help us a lot to change how we think about constructive criticism. We all have flaws, and we can all improve in many ways. Criticism can give us that little push we need to become the best version of ourselves.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to accept criticism we recommend that you enter our Social Psychology category.
