A large part of couple crises are caused by problems of infidelity, with its consequent lack of trust and changes in the way the relationship is seen. Normally this is experienced with great stress and frustration on the part of both members of the couple, and the feeling of guilt is frequent, even in the person who has not committed the infidelity.
Although it is true that in many cases the simple fact that this deception has occurred is sufficient reason for one of the members of the couple to decide to break up the relationship and move away permanently, in other cases the situation can be redirected if the problem of root is solved and forgiveness is honestly sought from those who have been deceived by a lover. Apologizing for infidelity is a fundamental step to rebuild the relationship.
In the following lines we will see several tips about the role that forgiveness should play after infidelity and how to apologize after an event of this type.
1. Assume that you don’t have to forgive
The person who has suffered infidelity has every right not to accept the apology and to end the relationship without giving further explanations. If this is the case, it is totally inappropriate and harmful to blame her, since no one is obliged to give second chances. It is necessary to undertake the task of apologizing taking this into account and that at the first sign that the other person wants to be alone and does not want to talk to the person who has been unfaithful, their decision must be respected.
Before apologizing, you have to consider whether infidelity is not in fact a symptom that you do not want to be in that relationship. Asking this question can be hard, but It is necessary to avoid loss of time and frustration to the other person and to oneself.
3. Have the initial talk
You have to talk about it, expressly apologize and forge new, very specific commitments, so that the other person has the ability to see if progress is made in them or if you act as if they did not exist.
This talk should take place in a quiet and intimate place, and its tone should be serious, to allow honesty and to avoid double meanings. Of course, you must avoid having it remotely, whether through text messages or phone calls. Something so important deserves to see each other face to face In this way, the involvement will be much greater.
4. Take responsibility
The only person responsible for infidelity is the person who commits it. Being clear about this is absolutely essential, since otherwise, if it is expressed in the conversation that the other person is also responsible, a totally undeserved and unfair feeling of guilt will be introduced.
5. More actions and fewer words
Infidelity is a betrayal of a person’s trust. Someone who has made sacrifices to be with their partner, who has missed opportunities that they would not have missed if they were single, and who has invested time and effort in the relationship. Therefore, simply saying “I’m sorry” is not enough. You must show a significant change in the way you behave every day, in the way of living the relationship and generating habits.
The idea that apologizing for infidelity is about making up for the wrong comes from an incorrect approach to what is happening. If this were so, once it is considered that the past infidelity has been compensated, everything should go back to how it was before, deceptions included
The idea to follow is another: qualitatively transform the relationship to make it based on honesty and trust. In this way, the need to seek forgiveness from the other person is transformed into something useful and meaningful: a way to give rise to the evolution of the relationship.
7. Open up and be transparent
The entire process of asking for forgiveness for an infidelity involves being vulnerable and showing trust, giving the other person reasons to have more trust in the person who has cheated on them before. Yes indeed, You don’t have to get obsessed with the idea of not keeping any secrets since everyone has the right to keep secrets as long as they do not directly affect the other person who shares their life with them, and as long as they are not numerous.
Furthermore, trying to be totally transparent can have a rebound effect, as it is practically impossible, it gives an excuse to look for exceptions to this rule knowing that it is absurd not to have secrets.
